Trust

Trust is happening. Slow but sure. Vera is figuring out we can be trusted.

We arrived for our morning visit today to find that Vera was not in her room. The caregiver motioned that she was outside. She wasn't playing on the playground when we walked in, so we set off to find her. We passed the playground where we've been spending our afternoon visits and there was no sign of her. A lady saw us and motioned to us to come over. We did and asked, "Vera?" She motioned for us to walk around the building. So we did. We passed a few groups of kids taking a walk with their caregivers. Finally, we saw/heard Vera's group. Two caregivers had 8-10 children out for a walk. We immediately agreed that Vera was not going to want to leave her group. But surprisingly, as we walked up, she smiled at us, walked to us and gave us each a kiss. It was totally prompted by a caregiver, but we didn't care. So the rest of the group walked away and we stayed there with Vera.

I should back up a little to yesterday afternoon. We had a snack and then a man came walking nearby. We have seen him almost every day and we think he must be a maintenance man or groundskeeper. He was walking around with the resident dog. Vera struck up a conversation with him and before we knew it, we were following him down a little path. Of course, we had left the camera behind, but how were we to know the photo opportunities that awaited us? The man led us to an adorable little puppy on a lead. Vera was excited with this playful puppy. She got to pet him and play a little and she was just delighted. The puppy chewed on some grass so Vera picked a weed, threw it towards the puppy and said, "Yummy!" She had also said 'yummy' earlier as we shared a granola bar. She knows what it means now. The puppy walked away and Vera wanted it to come back. She started the whiny voice and was saying the puppy's name followed by "pazhalsta". Please, puppy, come here. She whined and begged, but the puppy didn't come back over. And then it was time to leave.

Back to this morning...when we found Vera's group they were all standing there watching the puppy. When Vera came to us and grabbed our hands, she started towards the puppy and her caregiver obviously told her she couldn't go to it. I understand why they don't let the kids play with the puppy. With 2 caregivers and 10 children, control would quickly be lost and it would be difficult to reign them all back in. So the fact that Vera got to pet the puppy yesterday must have been quite something for her.

Since she couldn't go play with the puppy, Vera unzipped my backpack and found the snack Jon had put in there for her. Our first day here we had asked if we could bring her snacks. We were told it was okay, but they preferred if we didn't. Vera gets plenty of food and they don't want her to get fat. Well, there's no worry about that, so we've been bringing snacks the past few days. Usually a granola bar. Yesterday we brought her Oreos and a juice box. That was a real treat.

Vera's morning 'do.'

We have heard/read that a great way to build trust and promote bonding in adoption is to feed your child. Not just put food in front of them and let them feed themselves, but to actually put the food into their mouths. It reinforces that we can meet her needs. I remembered this yesterday and told Jon we should try it. I didn't know if we'd have this kind of opportunity since Vera feeds herself and has for a long time. And she loves to be independent. Would she say 'nyet' and take the food from our hands? Or would she let us do it? So, she found the granola bar and we found a place to sit and eat it. Jon broke it up a little, took a small piece and went to put it in her mouth. She tried to take it, but Jon motioned for her to open her mouth. She did and he put the bite in her mouth. No problem. She ate the whole granola bar like that. With us putting the bites in her mouth for her. After the granola bar, she went back to my backpack and found my stash of pistachios. I opened one up for her and put it in her mouth. She ate many pistachios and every one she let me put in her mouth. At one point she said, 'mmmmmm.' They were yummy!

She rifled through my backpack again and found my pouch with my credit cards and license. Her reaction when she found these was so funny! She sucked in her breath like she had just stumbled onto something wonderful. She wanted to keep them. But she didn't argue when I told her they are mama's.

After this it was time to take her back to her group, and it was starting to sprinkle.

We got inside and went to the stairs. Sometimes Vera will hold one of our hands going up or down the stairs. The other hand always holds onto the rail. Usually, though, she says 'no' to our offer to hold her hand and she uses both hands on the rail. Today, she grabbed Jon's hand and started up. Her other hand did not touch the rail. With Jon holding one hand and me behind her with my hand on her back...we were her safety net today. No need to hold the rail. Mama and Papa will not let her fall.

Trust is beginning.

We got to her room and without prompting from anyone, she gave us each a hug and kiss and said, 'paka.'

It was a very good visit and we are thankful.