Vera's 1st/7th Birthday

Sidenote: I completely forgot to mention this on my last post. Last week I was brushing Vera's hair one morning. Totally out of the blue she told me that we've seen her mad face and her 'cwying' face and that from now on she's going to show us her happy face. That was significant, people. She said it with such sincerity. That was when *I* knew that SHE knew that we had turned a corner. Praise the Lord!!

Anyway...

Vera's birthday was on Easter. So much significance there.

But that's for another post.

Is it just me, or is there finally peace in those little eyes?

Vera's best little friend has a Leap Pad and Vera wanted one desperately. She would tell Jon and I, and Jacob and Caleb and Abbi, and her physical therapist and anyone else who would listen, that she wanted a Leap Pad for her birthday. She told us MANY times every single day that she wanted a Leap Pad for her birthday. Ever since the day after Christmas (and I'm NOT kidding), she would ask me EVERY DAY if today is her birthday and then tell me she wants a Leap Pad for her birthday. When I would tell her that today is not her birthday she would ask if tomorrow is. And she would tell me again (after having just told me) that she wants a Leap Pad for her birthday. She would tell me when we were stretching that she wants a Leap Pad. She would tell me when we were eating any meal or snack. She would tell me when I would brush her hair and again when I would brush her teeth. She would tell me as I wiped her rear-end. She would tell me on the way to band. And co-op. And physical therapy. And the grocery store. She would tell me at bedtime. She must have told me no less than a dozen times a day that she wants a Leap Pad for her birthday. She even had a tantrum about it one day. She cried and yelled and kicked on the floor, "Me want Leap Pad! Me want Leap Pad!" It was first thing in the morning and I hadn't had any coffee yet. I told her if she wanted a Leap Pad she better KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW because there's NO WAY she's getting a Leap Pad after acting like that! She stopped and was pleasant the rest of the day. A few weeks ago I got sick. I mean...I got S I C K. Jon was out of town and I came down with a stomach bug. I was so miserable. I felt like I had been run over by a semi. One evening during this sickness, I was getting Vera ready for bed. She told me for the millionth time that she wants a Leap Pad for her birthday. I should've kept my mouth shut. Instead, I looked right at her face and said, "Vera. I. don't. care." I know. You can hand me the Mother of the Year Award now. The funny thing is, Vera didn't seem to mind my response. And after that, she only brought up the Leap Pad every now and then.

She told Jon and I that in Ukraine she always got a piece of candy on her birthday. We asked if they did anything else and she said, 'No.' A piece of candy. No cake. No candles. No party. No gifts. No singing. Just a piece of candy. Vera wanted to have her birthday party at her best little friend's house. I told her that's not usually how it works. Honestly, I wrestled about her party. I know she's never had one before and I wanted to throw her a HUGE first, 7th birthday party. But I also had a hunch that she was really stressed and anxious about her birthday.

I've read in several books and heard from several people living it, that birthdays can be stressful for adopted kids. A lot of kids think about their birth parents on their birthday. They imagine what life would be like with them. They wonder why they were abandoned. Why they lived in an orphanage for however many years. Honestly, I don't think about Vera's birth mother (or father) very much. I'm not sure why. I know lots of women who think a lot about their child's birth mom. I don't. Maybe because I just know that I was meant to be Vera's mommy and that's that. But the fact is, I did not give birth to Vera. She is not a mix of Jon and I like Jacob, Caleb and Abbi are. I have no memories or pictures of Vera as a baby. Or a toddler. Or a preschooler. I only have 9 months of memories with Vera. And she's 7 years old.

Vera asked me recently, "Mommy...you have mommy and daddy when you little?"

"Yes, Vera. When I was little I had a mommy and daddy."

"No, when you wiwwy smaw. You have mommy and daddy? You baby?"
"Yes. When I was a really small baby, I had a mommy and daddy."

If you know Vera, picture her puzzled expression at this point. She raised her hands and asked, "Why?" She truly did not understand this concept.

Why did I have a mommy and daddy when I was really small?

How would you answer this?

I choked back the lump in my throat, blinked back my tears and simply told her that that's how it's supposed to be. God wants ALL babies to have a mommy and a daddy. Sometimes it just takes a little while for that to happen.

So, I was in a quandry about her birthday party. It was just so hard to predict how she would be. Would she love every minute of it or would she freak out and have to leave her own first 7th birthday party? It could've gone either way. In the end, we decided to go to the zoo. We invited some good friends, including Vera's best little friend. We thought the zoo would be good because it involved the whole family and friends, and it didn't focus on anything materialistic. Vera had told Jon and I few times that she wanted her friends to watch her at her birthday party. She wanted them to watch her throw a ball. We told her that might not be very much fun for her friends. The zoo was sounding better and better.

So, that's what we did.

We were blessed with a perfect, gorgeous day for the event!

Vera LOVED the goats in the petting zoo.

Below - the girls watching a caterpillar

The elephants!

Honestly, there were many, many days that the last thing I wanted to get Vera was a Leap Pad. I was SO SICK of hearing about it. BUT...we got her one. Her excitement made the frustration of hearing about it for the past 4 months worth it.

We told Vera she could have anything she wanted for her birthday dinner. We could go to any restaurant she wanted or we could make something at home. Her choice: pancakes at home.

She LOVED getting to help make her cake. Can you tell?

Oh my!

This was where I took over with stirring.

All ready to bake!

Sprinkles! What fun!

The masterpiece!

Vera chose the "7" candle. The sparkly one. Of course.

I wish we had been video-taping her blowing out her candles.

She blew and blew and blew. And finally got the last one out!

It ended up that Vera DID get to go to her best little friends house on her birthday.

They had invited us over for lunch. Complete with an Easter egg hunt.

The boys hid all the eggs and the girls hunted.

Egg hunts are GREAT PT!

Vera's stash. She had NO IDEA whatsover that each egg contained chocolate.

I removed all the chocolate and she's been happy as a clam to play with the eggs.

What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Right?

Easter morning

I heart my kids

A Grammy’s Perspective

My mom came to visit 2 weeks ago. She was here for the twins' birthday and it was her first time meeting Vera. During her first afternoon/evening here, she asked me a lot of questions about Vera. Does she still do this? Does she still do that? Things I've talked about here. I usually said, 'No, she hasn't done that in awhile' or 'I can't remember the last time she did that.' It made me realize just how far we've come in our short 4 1/2 months home with Vera. It also made me realize that I'm a very bad blogger and really need to keep you all updated better about Vera's progress. It's hard to see the progress sometimes since I'm here every day. It's good for me to be able to look back and see so many improvements, so I'll try to do better about keeping you all informed. Anyway, I asked my mom if she would write a guest post for the blog and talk about Vera through her eyes. What was she expecting and how does she see Vera? Was she surprised by anything? Mom agreed to share her thoughts with you.

Without further ado...Grammy's Perspective

Honestly, I was quite nervous to meet Vera for the first time. Amy sent me numerous e-mails warning me about this and cautioning me about that; on many levels I was not looking forward to the trip across the country. I was expecting a 6 year old, non-English speaking, crippled little bag of terror.

Well, my fears disappeared as soon as I met her. She was a happy, giggly, curious little thing and I even understood some of what she had to say (my ability to understand “Vera speak” would improve immensely during my four day visit). Once we got home, then the real fun began. She had to look through my purse (I’d forgotten that she likes to inspect these) and wanted to know what everything was for. Amy thought it was amusing that I had so much “emergency food”, but hey, you never know when it’ll come in handy. Anyway, that was fun and with each passing hour, I understood her better. I was really impressed at dinner time though. Wow, what an appetite this little tike has! And she feeds herself; every single bite! It took her a little longer than the rest of us, but bless her heart, she ate every bite. Amy says the only things she doesn’t like are egg salad and baked beans and she thought it was a texture thing. She went to bed without an issue and it didn’t take Amy long to rock her to sleep. So after day one, I was wondering what all the warnings were about.

On day 2, we just hung out at home. I watched Amy put Vera through one hour of stretching exercises and was happy to see that they were all yoga poses. Vera didn’t put up a fight and worked hard and chatted throughout the hour. She and I spent some time in her room each day coloring, or playing with her doll house (she doesn’t know how to pretend so I had to make all the figures do and say everything), or just chatting. She was enchanting! Oh I almost forgot…..seeing Vera come out of her room first thing in the morning is a sight to behold. I was used to seeing her walk with her AFO’s. First thing in the morning is a different story. Poor little thing, she’s really all over the place and needs the walls to keep her from falling; but she still has that engaging smile on her face the entire day! And she doesn’t want help going up or down the stairs; she wants to do it! It was interesting to me to hear her use the same inflections that the other family members use, especially when talking to Toby (the dog). You just have to hear her say “Oh Toby” and that tone has Evans family all over it. So day 2 ended with no tantrums or screaming or problems. I told the kids that I really thought they were making these Vera tantrum stories up! (Amy here - just have to say that this made Jacob and I laugh...oh, if Mom only knew!)

Day 3 was Caleb and Abbi’s 12^th birthday!
Abbi was to celebrate her day the next night with a sleepover and Caleb’s celebration was at a future day. So Abbi and Amy made a homemade strawberry cake!
That took a while, so we played some board games. Vera wanted to play, but of course, didn’t know how. She was good about not getting to play though and was happy watching the craziness going on. That night we went to The Red Lobster for a birthday dinner, and again, Vera put away the food!

On day 4 (my last full day L) we went to Target so Abbi could look for something to get with her gift card. I offered to stay in the car with Vera so the trip could be faster, but Amy said no, Vera needs to walk. And walk she did. It takes her a very long time (by our standards) to get from point A to point B. But she did it and does it without complaint and with that constant grin. We went into a Toys r Us while we were there and I thought Oh Oh, Vera’s going to want everything she sees. But she was perfectly happy just to look and ask questions and giggle. That night we ordered in pizza and while talking over dinner, the subject of Pata came up (my husband). She was very curious about him and Amy showed her a photo of him. More questions. One question was why didn’t Pata wear a watch? Vera loves watches and thinks everyone should wear one. So I explained, as much as I could, and hoping she would understand, that Pata had an injury and hurt his neck, and now his hands and feet hurt all the time; so it hurts him to wear a watch. All this time Vera was looking at me and her little face got sad, and when I was done she said……Oh, po (poor) Pata. I almost thought she was going to cry and Amy and I didn’t want that, so we told her it was OK; Pata was fine, he just can’t wear a watch. I wish I could have made a video of that, it was SO sweet. She had so much compassion for someone she didn’t even know.

So, at bedtime, I got to experience her first (since I’d been there) tantrum. (Amy here again - this made me smile. This was not a tantrum. This was what we call fussiness. My mom never did get to experience a tantrum or rage, for which I am grateful!) She must have cried for an hour and a half while Amy was trying to get her to sleep. I was worried that she was upset over the Pata story, but Amy said no. Poor Amy; I so wish I was closer so I could help her out. But I digress.

My journey must come to a close and my head and heart are filled with Vera. I told Amy earlier in the week that I don’t think of Vera as having CP; she’s just a little girl who hasn’t been allowed to grow up normally, as we know normal. The occupational therapy that she needs is just being a child. She’s behind other children her age, but advanced leaps and bounds during my four days; (not because of me, just because she devours knowledge and activity). While we were at Target, Amy bought 26 little wooden, alphabet blocks, the kind two year olds play with. Six year old Vera loved them. A few weeks earlier, during a therapy evaluation, Vera couldn’t stack 4, so the goal became 10, that’s why Amy bought them. After Abbi and Vera played with them and made stacking them a game, she was stacking 11…… within an hour!
Wow! Then they decided (with our urging) to try it with one hand behind their backs. This would encourage Vera to use her weak right side and make it look like a game. She could stack 4 with her weak hand! I was so impressed and proud!

So I guess that’s it. I’m not afraid anymore and can’t wait to see her again. And for those of you who wonder what it’s like, to suddenly have a new grandchild, who’s adopted, and you wonder if you can love that child, and think of them as your own…..the answer, for me anyway, is YES! In fact, I also gained a new grandson this past year, and he just happens to be adopted too. I love both of these newbies just as much as my biological grandchildren; they’re equal, as far as I’m concerned. Life is good!

Grammy and Vera having a deep discussion with paper phones. Vera's hand is flapping...she does this when she's happy and/or excited.

Jacob's 13th Birthday - Part Two

Over a year ago, a friend of mine shared with me something that a friend of hers had done for her son's 13th birthday. I absolutely loved the idea and decided to borrow it, tweak it, and use it. So last May I began planning Jacob's 13th Birthday Event. I invited our family and some of our closest friends and people who are significant in Jacob's life. I asked everyone to share a word of wisdom with Jacob as he enters manhood...encouragement, advice, or Scripture...something every young man should know. Whatever they felt led to share with him. We were incredibly humbled and blessed by the turnout. My brother and sister-in-law came from Oregon. Most of Jon's family came from Texas, Illinois and Tennessee. 5 other close families were also able to join us.

Everyone except for Jon and Jacob met at Little Mulberry Park. Our pastor led us all in prayer and then I walked everyone up to the beginning of one of the one-mile-loop. I planned for each family to be stationed about every 1/10 of a mile.

The plan was for Jon and I to send Jacob off to walk the one-mile-loop by himself. As he came to each family along the path, they would give him their 'charge', the way Paul charged Timothy.
With everything else we had had going on the past few weeks (yard sales, threats of adoptions suspending, GHEA conference, friends visiting from Arkansas, family visiting from everywhere, etc.) I didn't really feel prepared for the event. I knew what I had in my head and I thought I had communicated it well to everyone who came. Still, I feared I was forgetting something major. I had to repeatedly turn it over to the Lord. He knew my hopes. He knew what Jacob needed to hear. He knew the day already.
We couldn't have had a more gorgeous day for the event. Wow, did God ever bless this day for us! It was warm, but not muggy with a nice breeze. I had chosen a path with lots of shade so that people weren't waiting in the hot, baking sun for Jacob to make his way to them. In my mind, it all worked perfectly. I haven't heard any complaints from anyone, so I'm just going to keep it perfect in my head.
Shortly after I sent everyone to their posts, Jon arrived with Jacob. Jacob thought he was meeting us at a ball game. Not so, my son, not so. Jacob and I have very similar personalities...neither of us enjoy new situations...at all. We would much rather watch and see before we get involved in anything. We like to know exactly what's expected before we dive into anything new. We like to know the plan and stress out if the plan changes with little or no warning. Sometimes we may even cry if we're forced into something we're not mentally ready for. Knowing this, I was the one to speak to Jacob first as Jon and I sent him off on his journey. I told him that I knew we were throwing this at him with no prior notice and he was probably panicking a bit. I told him I understood. God designed he and I this way. I also told him that I was confident that he was up for this challenge. I shared with him that there will always be circumstances in our lives that make us uncomfortable or maybe even fearful. I gave him Isaiah 52:12 which tells us that God goes before us and He will guard us from behind. That should give us the reassurance to approach new situations with confidence and excitement. I reminded him that God is always faithful. How I pray that that truth sinks into Jacob's heart and dwells there. In life, new situations can't always be avoided. There will be many times when we feel weak and powerless. Those are the times that we must rest in the knowledge that God is strong when we are weak. It is in our weaknesses that God's strength and power shine through us.
I shared other things too...mushy, mom-to-son things. Jon was very proud of me that he didn't need to take over and read for me. I was emotional, but kept it together long enough to make my speech. Must've been the Lord doing it...being strong in my weakness. Kinda goes along with my theme, don't you think? And with that, off Jacob went. No tears, no worries. Just a water bottle and the assurance that Daddy and I would meet him at the end of the trail. Jon and I were so amazed and proud of Jacob that he accepted this task without even batting an eyelash.
Jacob's first two stops were with Jon's mom and youngest sister, Kristin. Then he moved onto Craig and Robin. Since we weren't with Jacob, I couldn't take any photos...the one flaw in the whole event.
His next stop was with the Davis family. Leslie was one of the first friends I made when we moved to Georgia. Her oldest son, Presley, and Jacob have been good friends for years. They have many things in common and they love spending time together. We've had many sleepovers with the Davis family and we are ever-so-thankful to have crossed paths with them. Leslie is a scrapbooker and took pictures while Ross gave Jacob his charge.
Jacob's next two stops were with our two pastors. I wish I had pictures of those charges being given. I have a picture in my head though. I guess that'll have to do.
Jon, Caleb, Abbi and I were all waiting at the end of the trail for Jacob. We knew who had finished charging Jacob as they all passed us on their way to the playground, which is where we met at the end of the event for a picnic. After the 6th family came by, the twins were getting a little bored and antsy waiting for Jacob. Just then, this awesome snake crossed our path. That broke up the monotony a bit. Thank You, Lord, for that wonderful distraction!
I tried to put those with the youngest kids at the beginning of the trail so they could just head to the playground. That meant that Aaron and Sera were near the end. Sera got this picture of Aaron passing on their piece of advice. He used a Bible that had been given to our dad, seemingly at a significant time in his life. Very cool!
Next on Jacob's journey was his good friend, Tanner. Tanner had requested a post by himself so he could talk with Jacob without his parents listening in. Tanner, by far, had the most to say to Jacob. We knew Aaron and Sera had finished and after them it was just Tanner and his family left. We waited. And waited. And waited. After Tanner shared his heart with Jacob, he walked the trail with Jacob to meet up with his family and then his dad gave Jacob the next-to-last charge. Then they all walked with Jacob to the end where Jon and I were waiting. Jon gave Jacob the final charge...
Jon shared many things with Jacob, but one of those words of wisdom was about choosing his path. He used the illustration above...this is what we could see where we were standing. A place where several paths come together. A place where you must choose the path you will follow. Which way will you go, Jacob? Jon urged Jacob to choose the path of Life that will fill him with joy and eternal pleasures. He also shared Philippians 4:8, which says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." This is the standard for our thought-life.
Like I said, Jon shared many things with Jacob. And I wasn't the only one who got emotional.
I love the above picture...the father, handing the Word of God to the son. While Jon was sharing, I was praying the following...

"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction..." Proverbs 1:8

"Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction. Pay attention and gain understanding." Proverbs 4:1

"Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many." Proverbs 4:10

"My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words." Proverbs 4:20

"My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to the words of insight." Proverbs 5:1

"A wise son heeds his father's instruction." Proverbs 13:1

"Listen, son, and be wise. Keep your heart on the right path." Proverbs 23:19
When Jon finished, we all prayed as a family. Then we headed to the playground. Here we are (below) approaching the playground where our family and friends awaited us. Yes, that is a box of Kleenex in my hand...and yes, it was much needed.
Next are some photos of some of our friends that blessed us with their presence that day...this is Laura and her youngest. Laura and I have been friends since shortly after we moved here, as have all our kids. She is a great encouragement to me in mothering and homeschooling.

The Bryson family...such a blessing to ours! We instantly 'clicked' with this family when we first found HCBC. Their son, Tanner, is Jacob's age and their daughter, Jenna, is Abbi's age. Although they don't live nearby, we try to get together regularly as the kids are always begging for play days together.

Jacob and Laura...isn't she so big with her glasses?!

Jan with Dana and Demer Webb...our partners in adoption!

And yard sales. And fundraisers. And...we are so thankful for this family! We really bonded with the Webb's in the past few months. Working 3 huge yard sales together within 3 months will do that to you. Demer and Dana totally inspire me to 'do all to the glory of God.'

Aaron and Craig - quite a pair!

Aaron and the lovely Sera! We are so thankful they were able to make it to Georgia for Jacob's special day! Aaron and Sera are also in the adoption process. We are praying for their 'delivery' to be very soon!

Abbi and Bethany (Laura's oldest daughter).

Baby Mark - just chillin'!

AJ - did I mention I brought cupcakes for everyone?

Aidan

Clayton

Matthew

Several of the families shared with us what they shared with Jacob. I am just in awe with the wisdom that was so lovingly imparted to Jacob...

"Jesus said the two most important things you can do with your life are to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, and to love your neighbor as your yourself. Love God and love people. You will face many choices in your life. Some of those choices will be hard. You will face many temptations. Some of those temptations will be strong. No matter what circumstances you find yourself in, you will never go wrong in loving God and loving others. And you cannot truly do one without the other."

"There is nothing more precious than God, nothing more valuable than He, and nothing will satisfy you and give your pleasure like Him. Why settle for the trinkets of this world when you can have treasure!"

"Society tells you that you should do what makes you feel good. That the ultimate good is the one that helps you get ahead - in your personal life, in your future job, in your personal relationships. But God requires something different from His man. He requires that you put Him, and others, ahead of yourself. You can only do this by constantly examining yourself: your heart, your movives, your focus. Our society says to do what you want, when you want - just go with the flow. But God says to stop and take the time to think, to ponder which path you will be on, and to diligently keep that path. He has a special path in mind just for you. Your job is to seek it out - His path for you. Our prayer for you today is that you will always keep your focus on the straight and narrow path that He has laid out for you."

"Do not confuse straight with easy. God will make your path certain and your destination clear, but there may be times when the straight path is filled with potholes of disappointment, or steep inclines that require endurance and perseverance, but take heart, you do not journey alone when you put your trust in God. Instead you have Him with you carrying you when you are too weak, guiding you when it seems dark, and lovingly correcting you when you step off the path."

"All that we need to know in order to make us peaceful, holy, or happy is contained in the Bible...the request I make of you this day is that you will read and meditate of God's Word daily. We pray that you will seek to glorify God in all your thoughts and actions."

"It is not the mere knowing of Christ's name, it is the knowing of His grace, mercy and power, the knowing of Him not by the hearing of the ear, but by the experience of your heart and by faith. Your soul is the one thing worth living for. It is eternal and will live forever. You were placed on this earth to train for eternity...God does not show favoritism or respect the honors given by man. He does not reward man's heritage, or wealth, or rank, or position. God measures all men by one standard, one measure, one test, one criterion, and that is the state of their soul. The world seems to take it for granted that young men must be irreligious, and that it is not possible for them to follow Christ. Where will you find anything of this in the Word of God? Doesn't the Bible speak to the old and young alike, without distinction? Many a young man has overcome difficulties in the past (Moses, Daniel, Isaac, Joseph, Joshua, Samuel, David, Solomon, etc.) and so can you through God's grace and power. If men believed God's promises more, they would never be afraid of their assigned duties."

"We charge you, Jacob, to TRUST in the Lord. Put all your hopes, all your dreams, all your cares, all your confidences in our Lord. Let Him be the one in whom you find your true hope. We charge you to do so with all your heart. God demands and deserves all your heart. He doesn't want part of you, He wants all of you. He will guard your heart when you give it to Him. He will care for you in ways you could never imagine. When you give Him all of who you are you will find a Treasure beyond understanding and a joy that cannot be quenched."

There were many more equally wonderful words shared with Jacob. There were a few people could not make it to the event, but still wanted to share a word with Jacob. So they wrote letters to him that he read when we got home. That was a happy surprise to him. I am making an album for Jacob that will contain everything that was shared with him.

I can't give enough thanks to everyone who participated in this event with us. To those who took the time and effort to write their words of advice and encouragement, we thank you, from the bottom of our hearts. To those who sacrificed their time and energy to be here on the day of this special event, we thank you. We know that many of you had other important obligations that day and we are so appreciative that you chose to be present for Jacob's journey. This was a day he will never forget...I hope!

Now...to plan Abbi and Caleb's 13th birthday events. I already have some ideas rolling around in my head. And I have over two years to plan!