Finding Joy in the Boring

Some of you are wondering why I'm not blogging as much anymore...

Do you remember the post I wrote before we came home and I told you that we would keep our first few weeks at home really boring to help Vera feel safe?

Well, we're up to our eyeballs in boring! I'm trying not to let it drive me crazy because I know that in just a few weeks we will be up to our eyeballs in doctor visits, school, band, co-op, high school (Jacob), middle school (the twins), preschool (Vera)...LIFE! Because our lives have been so boring, there just hasn't been much going on to share.

But boring has been very good for Vera. I do think she feels safe here and with us. We try to add a few fun activities out of the house here and there, but I think I speak for all of us when I say...we're looking forward to normal living again! We broke up the monotony a little bit and took the kids to the pool on Saturday. Vera would not let Jon or me let go of her the whole time, but she did have fun! Can you tell?

We all had fun! We also got a glimpse into how much work Vera has ahead of her. Her core is very weak. Her little legs would either float up in front of her or behind her. Jon and I worked with her and showed her how to get and stay upright. We showed her how to kick, which really made her work. We didn't stay more than an hour, but by the time we left, Vera was exhausted and could hardly walk. The kids and I went to the pool again this afternoon and Vera did much better. She still wouldn't let me let go of her, but she was upright almost the whole time. We were there 2 hours and she's not as tired today as she was after an hour on Saturday. I cannot wait to get her in physical therapy!

Anyway...back to Vera feeling safe...some adopted kids try to get in other people's carts at the grocery store and go home with complete strangers. They just don't understand the concept of mommy, daddy, family. Vera doesn't do this. Some adopted kids think that women who bring meals over are Mama and they can go home and live with them. Vera hasn't done this. She hasn't called anyone Mama except for me...well except for one time in Ukraine when she called Corrie Mama. But she didn't know anything else to call her. If Vera does happen to call any of you Mama, please just tell her, "I'm not Mama. My name is ________." Hopefully if this happens, I'll be right there and you can point to me and say, "That is Mama."

Vera's rages are slowly diminishing. For this I can't even tell you how thankful I am. Just two weeks ago, when Jon or I told her 'no' she would cry. Sometimes a rage would follow, sometimes she would just scream and shake her head. NOW, if we tell her 'no' she (usually) just whines and says, "please" over and over in a really pitiful (annoying) voice. She'll whine and beg about whatever we said 'no' to. I have started making her look me in the eye and saying firmly, "Mommy said no." Seems to be working. With me anyway. I'm with Vera much more than Jon since he's back to work and I think she has finally learned that with me, her whining and begging get her nowhere. She definitely whines longer to Jon because she's very cute about it and he can't help but smile at her. I think his smiles give her false hope. But Jon and I agree that we'll take whining over raging ANY DAY!

Vera is also improving with following directions. She used to go into a rage if we asked her to do something that she didn't want to do. Now, when we ask her to do something she'll either do it, or she'll say 'no', giggle and then go do it. This isn't always the case, but it's becoming the norm. We do usually have to repeat our instruction several times (not because she doesn't understand, but because she's ornery!) and sometimes we have to physically move her in the right direction, but she'll almost always comply with what we've asked without a fight. Yay!

I was hoping to tell you that we've gone 5 days straight without a tantrum, but she had a few yesterday. Even in that though, there is such HUGE improvement! I can't call it raging anymore. She has graduated up to tantrum. Vera still cries and sometimes screams, but I can't remember the last time she threw something. Her crying isn't angry anymore...it's sad and almost whiny. She usually calms down within a few minutes now instead of it taking 20, 40, 60 minutes or more. She still has a ways to go, but the difference in Vera over the past 4 weeks is really quite amazing. All the credit, praise and glory goes to God! I know several of you agreed to pray for us specifically in the weeks after we got home. God is listening and answering! Please continue to pray!! Some days the patience I have for Vera and the constant attention she requires just amazes me. I know it is not from me. Patient has never been a word that describes me.

Can you believe we've had her for 4 weeks? 4 weeks ago today we busted her out of the orphanage. 4 weeks ago today we traveled in a car with Vera for 7 hours to Kiev. It will forever be known as the car ride from you-know-where. For the first 5 hours everything was mostly good. We had to make a few unplanned potty breaks and we learned a very important Russian word...kahket. We knew the peezit word. Kahket was new. Vera panicked when we had no idea what she was saying. Thank the Lord for a Russian speaking driver who started laughing and said, "She needs bathroom." Jon and I argued with him since we had just had a peezit break not 5 minutes before. The driver chuckled and said, "No. She NEEDS bathroom!" Oh...kahket! After that the real fun began. It was after 10 pm and we knew Vera had to be exhausted. We were exhausted. We wanted her to go to sleep. We told her it was time for sleep.

She. Went. Bonkers.

Remember when I shared the Jack-Jack Attack clip (from The Incredibles) and said it was all I could think about in the car? Understanding came the next day when Jon and I saw how Vera falls asleep. She was trying to sway and jerk in the car. She was trying to self-soothe so she could fall asleep. Jon and I had never seen her do this, so we had no idea what she was doing. We just thought someone had flipped a switch and this was the new, not so improved Vera. We were trying to hold her and restrain her. Had we known how she falls asleep, the trip would have gone much better. As it was, Vera screamed (I mean SCREAMED) the last almost 2 hours of the drive. I don't even want to know what was going through our driver's mind.

We arrived at our apartment at around 1:30 am and lugged Vera and our luggage up 4 flights of stairs. We all fell in to bed around 2 and slept until 6. Our embassy appointment was supposedly at 8:30 am and our driver picked us up at 7:50. We arrived at the embassy to learn that our appointment was really at 2:00 pm. But they still took care of us. We began the paperwork for Vera's visa and then headed over to the clinic for her medical exam. We were waiting in the very crowded little hallway for Vera's turn to see the doctor when who should we see venturing their way toward us?

Yep! My lovely friend, Corrie and her new daughter Vika! I was SO hoping we would get to see them in Ukraine! I got my wish right before it was time to head home! Vera and Vika had their exams one right after the other, so we got to spend a bit of time together.
Vika had to have a chest X-ray done, so we all had a snack together while we waited for our paperwork. Vera remembered Vika, but we're not sure if Vika remembered Vera. We attempted a few photos of the 4 of us together. This was the best shot we got. It will have to do. After we received our medical paperwork, we all ended up riding back to our apartments together.

I have been praying about finding joy in any moment I can. I have been stuck in a string of negative thoughts and it's time to snap out of it. There has already been improvement in that area. Last Wednesday was a particularly bad day and I sent Jon an SOS email just after lunch and told him I was counting down the MINUTES until he got home. When Jon first went back to work and for many days after that, at around 9 in the morning I would start counting down the hours until he came home. I realized a few days ago that I'm not doing that as much anymore. These days, if I do start counting the hours until Jon's return I don't start until 3 or 4. And by then it's not long until he comes home! Woo hoo!! If you read Abbi's blog today you know that I'm not the only one who finds some of Vera's antics and behaviors annoying. Vera is definitely the hardest on Abbi and I. It's time to refocus our attention on the JOY Vera brings to our family. She brings more joy to us each day that she's with us. As her rages diminish and her behavior improves, as she learns what family is and how much we love her NO MATTER WHAT, the real Vera is beginning to shine through. As I watched Vera play and laugh with her siblings at the pool today, I had tears behind my eyes as I thought about where she would be if she were not here with us. I can't let my mind go there today. Today we are celebrating 4 weeks with Vera!

Vera is a domestic goddess. She loves to help with ANYTHING! Her favorite activities include throwing the dirty clothes into the washer and then from the washer to the dryer. She loves to help empty the dryer. I must admit that I share her enthusiasm about opening the dryer after each load is finished. After going without a dryer for almost 6 weeks, there is still nothing that compares to pulling out truly clean, SOFT clothes and towels. Vera also loves to sweep and help with the vacuuming. And if she sees me washing dishes without her...look out! I think her favorite job is putting the silverware away. She tries to do it whether the silverware is clean or dirty. She thinks it's quite something to watch Abbi clean toilets and can't wait until we let her try. Her fascination with water has me a little hesitant about letting her splash toilet water all over the bathroom. And believe me, she would. To see the joy that performing each of these chores brings to Vera...oh my. We take so many things for granted. Vera also loves to brush the pets. We're still working on gentleness though. She is getting better, but still has a ways to go. By the end of almost every day Vera is not allowed to touch the pets. Each day we start over and hope for the best.

We love Vera's smile and laugh. We love to hear her learning more English. Her little voice is precious, especially with her Russian accent. She does have a speech problem due to her CP, but the way she says the kids' and pets' names is too cute. I really can't wait until I can have a conversation with Vera. There are so many things I want to ask her. All in due time, I guess. Vera LOVES her siblings...oh, how she loves them. And I would be a mess without them. What a privilege it has been for me as a mom to see how loving and patient they are with Vera. And with me. Last Friday I woke up with a killer headache and then Vera had a LONG, loud tantrum as soon as she got up. She woke Abbi up and everything. By the time Jacob got up, I was recovering on the couch with a cup of coffee. I told him about Vera's early wake up and tantrum and my headache and how tired I was. Without a word, he got up, got the twins and all 3 of them took Vera into her room to play. And I laid down on the couch and thanked the Lord for my awesome big kids. I don't deserve them.

Well, I was going to tell you more, but this is already longer than I thought it would be. I will leave you with Vera's One Less video. I shared this 4 weeks ago on the day she officially became an Evans and she left the orphanage FOREVER. I am waiting in eager expectation about what God is going to do in the next 4 weeks.

Our Trip to Russia - Part One

Jon and I made it safely home from St. Petersburg on Sunday, November 21st. It was a long two days of travel home (spent 12 hours at the Amsterdam airport…with mice…but that’s a story for another day), and we are so thankful to be back in America. Where it’s okay to be Christian, Baptist homeschoolers. :)

Our trip was good, hard, emotional and exhausting. I think I had built up Leanna’s orphanage in my mind. All this time so many people have told us that Leanna is in ‘the best’, ’nicest’ orphanage in St. Pete. After our first day there, Jon and I said that if this is the best, we don’t want to see any others. The surroundings are…dismal. Old, rundown,dirty. It’s not terrible or anything…just very depressing. The bathrooms reek of urine. I wanted to cry when we walked into Leanna's room but I kept a smile on my face. All this time I've had peace knowing Leanna is in a 'good' place. My peace was erased last week. Leanna needs to come home.
One thing that hit me was that her orphanage is not a home. All this time I've had a completely different picture of orphanage life in my head. Like, I pictured the caregivers and cooks living there with the kids. Doing life with the kids. Loving the kids. Well, duh. They don't. To them it's a job. A place to work. A way to earn money and pay the bills. The orphanage is a business. It's run like a business, not a home. I don't know where I got my false impressions from. Maybe I just created my own little scenario to cope with the reality of this long process. But my glasses aren't rose-colored anymore. Reality has come. And with reality comes such sorrow and sadness. This is Leanna's life. This is how and where she lives. I needed to see this. No more denial for me. Leanna is NOT in a good place.
We got to meet Leanna’s great-grandmother, who took care of Leanna after her mother died when she was one. Two years ago she gave up her rights and put Leanna in the orphanage. She was just too old to take care of Leanna. Meeting Valya (short for Valentina) was one of the most precious experiences of my life. I held back tears that whole afternoon. I was incredibly nervous about meeting her not knowing what kind of reception we would receive. Was she happy Leanna was being adopted by Americans? Was she upset that Leanna would be leaving Russia? The women at Leanna’s orphanage were very concerned about how we would keep up the relationship between Leanna and her great-grandmother. How did Babushka feel about everything? Well, I think I could write a whole book about those few hours spent with Babushka. We arranged for her to be picked up because she didn’t want us to see where and how she lives. When she arrived, her head was pounding and she wasn’t feeling well. She hadn’t left her apartment in months. The orphanage nurse took her blood pressure, which was very high, and gave her something to help. Then Babushka looked at us and just started talking. She has had a hard life. She talked much of war times and her love for Germany. Her two sons live with her (or should I say they live off of her) and she told us almost immediately that she is sorry they are her sons. All they do is smoke and drink and live off of her very low, fixed income. She doesn’t know where or how they get the money for cigarettes and alcohol and I don’t think she wants to know. Babushka was full of class and she made us smile through teary eyes. Her dress was old and dirty and was pinned together with a safety pin. Her sweater was old and dirty and full of holes. If we thought for an instant that she would come home with us, we would bring her in a heartbeat. Jon and I both love Babushka and are concerned for her. Jon told her that she is now part of our family and we want to help her. We learned that Leanna does Babushka’s grocery shopping. We asked who did that for her when Leanna was here last summer. She said one of her sons would shop for her, “only if she gave him extra money to buy cigarettes." We asked our translator if there was any kind of service we could pay for to buy and deliver Babushka’s groceries. There is nothing like that in St. Pete. Babushka repeatedly told us to make sure Leanna writes and calls her…she will miss her so much. She repeatedly told us to make sure Leanna works hard…don’t let her be lazy. She repeatedly told Leanna to show us respect and not to argue with her new brothers and sister. :) I asked her what she wanted for Leanna’s future. She waved her hand and with a chuckle said, “She has her own plans.”

Babushka told us that next week would mark the 2 year anniversary of Leanna going to the orphanage. It was also written on Leanna’s calendar in her room. Tomorrow is the day. Two years ago tomorrow Leanna’s life changed forever. It is obviously a significant date for both of them. And for us, I suppose. It was a hard decision for Babushka to make. She told us that she made sure that Leanna was in the best orphanage possible. Which couldn’t have been easy for her. Babushka obviously loves Leanna very much…I hope I do right by her. I hope she is pleased with how we care for Leanna. At one point she told Jon and I that she believes God exists and shared a little bit about why she believes that. Jon told her that we too believe God exists and shared a little more. As soon as Jon said we believe in God, Babushka smiled and gave us a thumbs up. Oh, I hope I always remember that sweet image. I hope we get to see Babushka again. When it was time for her to go, Jon asked if we could hug her. Babushka said ‘yes’ and then said she was also going to kiss us goodbye…which she did! As she was leaving, she told us that although she can’t see very well (she could only see our outlines) she gets feelings about people. She feels that we are good people and that we will take good care of Leanna. I guess that was the equivalent of receiving her blessing.
Well, I suppose I will close for now. I write this partly so you can share in our experience and partly so that I will remember everything. There is so much to share about our trip so I will do it in parts over the next few days.

Video of our Summer with Leanna

Bathing Toby

Do you remember the post when I told you how much fun Leanna had when Jon took the kids to give Toby a bath? It was the same day she saw the 'little ocean' (Lake Lanier) for the first time. Well, here are the photos from that fun afternoon!

Leanna Photos

I was finally able to get the rest of the photos from Mark and Katie of Leanna's stay over Christmas. Here are just a few of my favorites. As I was looking through them (well over 300), some made me smile, some made me laugh, some made me sad. Some made me say, "Oh, that is SO Leanna!" or "That is a classic Leanna face." Others made me say, "Oh, that girl of mine!" Most of them just made me miss her more. There's one picture in particular in this batch that every time I look at I just think, "Man, that looks like me!" Can you guess which photo it is?

Such a cute, photogenic girl, isn't she?Leanna loved my sunglasses and took them over. She even went home with them.She loved cows and thought they were pretty funny.
She made Mark & Katie pull over to take this next photo.Such a beautiful girl!When I saw this next picture I thought,
"Why does Jon look so sad and wistful here...?"This photo was next and I thought, "Why did I look so sad on the night of Leanna's arrival?"
(I had worn the same sweater...)And then I saw this picture...the day Leanna left.
That explains the expressions on our faces above.

O Christmas Tree - Part 2

I am so sorry for the delay...I know you've been on the edge of your seat waiting for Part Two of the putting-up-of-the-Evans-Christmas-tree saga. Here you go...if you haven't read Part One yet, you simply must. You just won't appreciate Part Two without first reading Part One.

Oh, happy day! Thursday was the 'put up the Christmas tree' day in the Evans' home and what a happy day it was! Aside from the, "Mommy, is it time to put up the tree yet?" about every 4 minutes from one of the kids, it was a pretty peaceful event. The tree was still heavy and awkward, and we still had to spend some time shaping the branches to make it look pretty. But how glorious it was to put it up, plug in the lights (that I didn't have to string myself) and VOILA! It was done! And the best part...IT'S IN THE LIVING ROOM!! Oh, it is just so pretty. I am so pleased. My mood was even good enough that I got out the camera...

Now, when it was time to put the angel on the top of the tree, we hit a little snag. Our beautiful angel would not stay on. She kept falling (headfirst) forward or sideways or backwards. Apparently our old tree had a much longer branch on the top and the angel always balanced properly. Our new tree has a shorter top branch making our angel a little top-heavy. Interestingly, we spent all week last week learning about balance and center of gravity in Science. So, like any good homeschooling mom would do, I turned this into a lesson (my mood was even patient enough to do this). The problem - our angel's center of gravity was too high, causing her to fall over. The solution - we must lower her center of gravity. How? Any ideas? Caleb's idea was to tape some rocks to the bottom of the angel. Her upper body is ceramic and her underside is just a sheet of plastic rolled into a cone shape. Her lovely dress hides this plastic cone. So Caleb thought we should just duct tape some rocks to the plastic cone. I guess it's true that men will use duct tape to fix anything! This would work, I told him, but what else could we do? Any other ideas? Jacob's brain was obviously still fried from school that day. He had a long week with Pre-Algebra (which means I did too), and his expression was completely blank. Abbi's idea was to remove the plastic cone from under the angel's dress altogether. What we did instead (after discussing the role the plastic cone played in the angel's center of gravity) was to cut about 3 inches off the plastic cone. This brought her center of gravity lower, and much to the kids' skepticism when I told them this should work, she stayed on top of the tree! YAY! But, of course, I'm too short (even standing on the top step of the ladder...the one that says Do Not Stand On Or Above This Step - YOU CAN LOSE YOUR BALANCE) to get the angel on our new, 9 ft. tree. So, it was Daddy to the rescue!

Our cat, Phoebe, had great fun while we put up the tree. Normally, this would've been a nuisance and I would've locked her in my room to keep her out of everything. Not this year! This year it was so cute how she snuggled right in underneath the tree. And how she thought she was little enough to fit in one of the boxes. Um, Phoebe, your rear end is sticking out. That is so unbecoming on a lady!
Toby was just content to be in the middle of everything as he gnawed on his bone.

The boys were obviously the first to get to the ornaments box. These were the first two ornaments to grace our new tree.

These are two of my favorite ornaments. The glass nativity above always goes front and center on the tree. I love to look at it and be reminded of the reason for Christmas!

The ornament below always goes somewhere near the nativity ornament shown above. It's another one that I like to have front and center where it can always be seen. This photo of the kids (taken in 2000) always makes me smile no matter how often I look at it.

The ornament below is another family favorite. We watch The Christmas Story at least once every Christmas season...it's a classic! I admit that before meeting Jon I hadn't even heard of this movie, let alone seen it. He was appalled, on our first Christmas together, that I had no idea what the movie was even about! And now, 14 Christmases later, it's a family tradition.

And this is the ornament Abbi couldn't wait to find!

And now...the moment you've been waiting for...

The unveiling of the 2009 Evans Christmas tree!

TA DA!

O Christmas Tree - Part One

Oh happy day, happy day! We FINALLY purchased a new, artificial Christmas tree last weekend. YAY! You may be wondering why I am so excited about our new addition...let me tell you. The tree we had (which is now sitting in the garage waiting for a new home...like the dump!) was fondly referred to as the 'Charlie Brown Christmas tree' for the past SEVERAL years. Yes, several years. Jon has been promising me a new tree for at least 3 years, but like good (cheap...I mean frugal) stewards of our money, we tried to wait until after Christmas to get a really good deal. Well, the past two Christmases have been spent in Illinois and there was no point in going out the day after Christmas to find a great deal when there wouldn't be room in the van to bring it home. And by the time we got home from Illinois, all the trees left in the stores were...worse than the sad little tree we already had at home.

So, this was the year. Two weeks ago, the kids and I had to make a trip to Hobby Lobby (did you hear the boys groan?) when what to my wondering eyes should appear? A half price sale on Christmas trees...and yes, I did cheer! WOO HOO! But of course, this was on a Saturday...the last day of the sale...and it was already late...and Jon was busy moving his office into our bedroom...and by the time I got home, I realized it was not to be. But then, last Saturday I saw the Hobby Lobby ad and what do you know?! The trees were again on sale half-price. So we took the back seat out of the van and headed off to find the perfect tree! My only requests were that the tree be at least 9 ft. tall and it HAD to be pre-lit...this was a must! Our old tree was 7.5 ft. and was fine in our house in Texas, but when we moved here 5 years ago, I realized how pathetic our little tree looked amongst very high vaulted ceilings in the living room. So, for the past 5 years, I've settled with the tree in the dining room where the ceilings aren't so high (and it doesn't look so ridiculous) and that way, it sat in front of one of our front windows. So whenever we came home in the dark, we'd see our little lit-up tree...the closest thing to outside lights the kids would ever see on our home. I say I've 'settled' the past few years because I LOVE having the Christmas tree in the living room where I can admire it. I couldn't admire it when it sat in the dining room. Well, not from the couch anyway. Not to mention I like to be in front of the tree to open gifts...which meant we had to sit in the dining room to open gifts in front of the tree. It just didn't feel right.

Fast forward...yesterday was the day we put up the new tree. We normally put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving, but we're heading to Illinois for the holiday and we won't be home that day. So, I decided to put it up before we leave. Now, normally putting up the tree is not exactly an enjoyable experience. First, I would have to drag the heavy box upstairs while shoving the dog out of the way step by step. Then, I would get the tree up and start on the lights. The twins would unravel the strands for me and plug them in to make sure they worked. Inevitably several strands would be dead and after replacing fuses to no avail, I'd have to quit working to make a run to the store for more lights. I'd get home and continue on the lights. The kids would be taking out all the ornaments while I worked on the lights. So, while I'm neck deep in the tree (getting all scraped up) (and getting more frustrated by the moment because most of the branches in the middle were broken and I had to use the string of lights to rig it up) the kids are each coming to me saying, "Mommy, look! It's my such & such ornament!" or "Mommy, when did we get this one?" or "Mommy, this one is broken. Should I throw it away?" or "Mommy, here's the one I made in pre-school!" or (my favorite), "Mommy, here's the one YOU made in pre-school!" Yes, I still have an ornament that I made in pre-school. It's in pretty bad shape, but I still remember making this ornament and how beautiful it was. Obviously, some of the noodles have not survived the years, but this ornament was a masterpiece in its time. Really. Margaret, I don't know if you read my blog, but if you do, do you remember these? If I remember correctly, we made these the same day that Wild Willy got into the purple paint (or maybe it was blue) and painted his hair with it. This makes me wonder...did Willy's mom know his nickname was Wild Willy? And let me say, the nickname was MORE than appropriate for him. But I would just be mortified if my kids had nicknames like Crazy Caleb or Awful Abbi or Jerky Jacob.

Anyway, while the kids are coming to me with their excited comments, I'm thinking to myself, "Can't you see I'm busy trying to put this ridiculous tree together?! I've seen those ornaments before. I see them every year! Where is Jon? Why isn't he helping me? Doesn't he know this is the HUSBAND's job? I give up. No Christmas tree this year. It's not worth the hassle. Seriously." But what comes out is something like, "(exasperated sigh) I'll look when I'm done. I'm TRYING to get the lights on." While I'm thinking, 'Can't you see that I'm busy and frustrated and need some peace and quiet?' THEN, after I've successfully put all the lights on and rigged up the broken branches so they'll stay in place and I'm ready to give myself a high-five, I turn around to find...the kids have all the ornaments out...and they have NOT put all the plastic and tissue back in the boxes like I ask them to do EVERY YEAR. I am one of those people who keep the boxes each ornament comes in and I write the year it was received and from whom. This makes organization so simple. But when the kids don't put the plastic and tissue back in the appropriate box...it's utter chaos. So THEN we (I) have to spend some time finding the plastic for this box and the box for this plastic, all the while explaining to the kids (again) that if they had done this one little step as they went, we could be decorating the tree by now.

After all this, I hope you can understand why I haven't taken pictures of us decorating the tree since...2001. It's been 8 years since I've had a peaceful enough time putting up the tree that I've even had the inkling to get out the camera and photograph this memorable experience. While I enjoy the finished result, the 'putting up the Christmas tree' has not been a fun, sweet time that I've wanted to document.

Until now.

Can you see my smile?

It's pretty big!

To be continued...I know. Don't you just hate that?