The Sugar Connection

Jon and I are a little slow sometimes. We admit it. We roll with it. You know how some people say that children suck out your brain power? Well, I think adopted children suck out whatever brain power you have left.

I've been meaning to start a journal to keep track of Vera's tantrums. But it's hard to know exactly what to keep track of. Anything could be a trigger, so what do I write down? We think we've stumbled on to a big clue.

Sugar.

The Friday before Valentine's Day, the kids and I went to a Valentine party with an awesome homeschool group. Lots of fun and sugar was involved. After lunch, Vera had a sprinkle covered marshmallow and a cookie. Vera participated in her first Valentine exchange and kept asking "Why peepa give me pwesents?" She had a blast! She came home with lots of candy that we put in a ziploc bag and tucked safely in one of her dresser drawers. Sometime after we got home that day, Vera had a huge tantrum. She hadn't had one like that in awhile and I was wondering what in the world set it off.

Two days later, we went out for dinner where Vera had half a scoop of ice cream at the end of the meal. Let's just say bedtime that night was less than fun. It was worse than a normal less-than-fun bedtime, if that makes any sense. The next morning Vera asked if she could have a piece of candy. I said 'no' to which she replied with her favorite word. 'Why?' So I told her that I've noticed the past few times that she's had something sugary she has ended up having a tantrum and doing lots of screaming. I told her that maybe we'd try again sometime soon. Maybe. Maybe not. Well, the next day was her Valentine's party at co-op. Her teacher began the afternoon with candy for the whole class. Great. I didn't want Vera to be left out so I told her she could have a piece but that I didn't want to hear any screaming later. Chuckle. It was a good thought. Well, you guessed it. Later that afternoon she had a huge screaming tantrum. I removed the bag of candy from her dresser drawer and told her she would not be having any candy for a Very. Long. Time.

Vera's Valentine Stash.

By my estimations this is the equivalent of about 3 dozen tantrums.

Later, when she was calm we had a talk about the candy and I explained to her again why I had taken it away and put it in the pantry. She did understand and was able to tell back to me what had happened and why. Whenever Vera has a consequence for disobedience or defiance or whatever the case may be, we try to have her tell back to us why she received the consequence. I remember the first time I did this. I asked Vera why she had just had a timeout. She responded, "Mommy..." I immediately interrupted her and told her she did not have a timeout because of Mommy. I asked her to try again.

"Vera, why did you have a timeout?"

"Because Mommy..."

"No, your timeout was not Mommy's fault. Why did you have a timeout?"

"Because Mommy..."

"Vera, you did not have a timeout because of Mommy. Why did you have a timeout?"
Finally, Vera lowered her face and stuck out her bottom lip - "Me no obey Mommy."

It's been helpful (we think) to help Vera understand that her choices can have consequences or her choices can have blessings. In the beginning she just didn't get (or pretended not to get) that her consequences were a result of HER choices. She used to blame everything on anyone else, including the cat or dog.

Anyway, Vera knew exactly why I had taken away her candy. And then she told me

"In Ukraine, me scream me get candy."

Bingo!

Do you remember what the nannies at Vera's baby house would do when she had a tantrum?

They would give her candy if she quit screaming.

Do you remember a few months ago when I figured out what Vera would ask for during her screaming tantrums?

Yep. Candy.

Hmmmm...even after this little statement from Vera, it didn't click with me. As I said, I'm a little slow these days. Perhaps I need some candy.

Anyway, Jon had been in and out of town and I hadn't been able to tell him yet about my sugar/tantrum theory. We went out to lunch last Friday and Jon got cookies for all of us. He gave Vera half a cookie and I made a mental note to talk to Jon later about Vera and sweets and my new suspicion. I didn't have to worry about remembering. Vera reminded me. I asked Jon to stop at Home Depot after lunch so I could run in and get some paint. When I came out of Home Depot, I could hear it. The screaming. This girl has some lungs, let me tell you! I got in the van and Jon said he didn't know what had set it off. Well, he knew, but it shouldn't have led to the screaming. I told him I knew exactly why she was screaming and that I'd tell him when we got home and he could hear me. She screamed the whole way home. Lovely.

As Jon and I were talking about it later, I remembered the conversation where Vera told me that in Ukraine when she screamed she would get candy. I said it's interesting that now she gets candy and inevitably has a screaming fit shortly afterwards. There must be a connection somewhere, don't you think? It just seems like it's related somehow...

In Ukraine, screaming = candy. Here, candy = screaming.

If any of you have any insight into this, please share. We're always looking for possible explanations to Vera's behaviors. Do any of you have kids who react this way with sugar?

A little sweetness without the sugar.

LOVE these girls!

A Grammy’s Perspective

My mom came to visit 2 weeks ago. She was here for the twins' birthday and it was her first time meeting Vera. During her first afternoon/evening here, she asked me a lot of questions about Vera. Does she still do this? Does she still do that? Things I've talked about here. I usually said, 'No, she hasn't done that in awhile' or 'I can't remember the last time she did that.' It made me realize just how far we've come in our short 4 1/2 months home with Vera. It also made me realize that I'm a very bad blogger and really need to keep you all updated better about Vera's progress. It's hard to see the progress sometimes since I'm here every day. It's good for me to be able to look back and see so many improvements, so I'll try to do better about keeping you all informed. Anyway, I asked my mom if she would write a guest post for the blog and talk about Vera through her eyes. What was she expecting and how does she see Vera? Was she surprised by anything? Mom agreed to share her thoughts with you.

Without further ado...Grammy's Perspective

Honestly, I was quite nervous to meet Vera for the first time. Amy sent me numerous e-mails warning me about this and cautioning me about that; on many levels I was not looking forward to the trip across the country. I was expecting a 6 year old, non-English speaking, crippled little bag of terror.

Well, my fears disappeared as soon as I met her. She was a happy, giggly, curious little thing and I even understood some of what she had to say (my ability to understand “Vera speak” would improve immensely during my four day visit). Once we got home, then the real fun began. She had to look through my purse (I’d forgotten that she likes to inspect these) and wanted to know what everything was for. Amy thought it was amusing that I had so much “emergency food”, but hey, you never know when it’ll come in handy. Anyway, that was fun and with each passing hour, I understood her better. I was really impressed at dinner time though. Wow, what an appetite this little tike has! And she feeds herself; every single bite! It took her a little longer than the rest of us, but bless her heart, she ate every bite. Amy says the only things she doesn’t like are egg salad and baked beans and she thought it was a texture thing. She went to bed without an issue and it didn’t take Amy long to rock her to sleep. So after day one, I was wondering what all the warnings were about.

On day 2, we just hung out at home. I watched Amy put Vera through one hour of stretching exercises and was happy to see that they were all yoga poses. Vera didn’t put up a fight and worked hard and chatted throughout the hour. She and I spent some time in her room each day coloring, or playing with her doll house (she doesn’t know how to pretend so I had to make all the figures do and say everything), or just chatting. She was enchanting! Oh I almost forgot…..seeing Vera come out of her room first thing in the morning is a sight to behold. I was used to seeing her walk with her AFO’s. First thing in the morning is a different story. Poor little thing, she’s really all over the place and needs the walls to keep her from falling; but she still has that engaging smile on her face the entire day! And she doesn’t want help going up or down the stairs; she wants to do it! It was interesting to me to hear her use the same inflections that the other family members use, especially when talking to Toby (the dog). You just have to hear her say “Oh Toby” and that tone has Evans family all over it. So day 2 ended with no tantrums or screaming or problems. I told the kids that I really thought they were making these Vera tantrum stories up! (Amy here - just have to say that this made Jacob and I laugh...oh, if Mom only knew!)

Day 3 was Caleb and Abbi’s 12^th birthday!
Abbi was to celebrate her day the next night with a sleepover and Caleb’s celebration was at a future day. So Abbi and Amy made a homemade strawberry cake!
That took a while, so we played some board games. Vera wanted to play, but of course, didn’t know how. She was good about not getting to play though and was happy watching the craziness going on. That night we went to The Red Lobster for a birthday dinner, and again, Vera put away the food!

On day 4 (my last full day L) we went to Target so Abbi could look for something to get with her gift card. I offered to stay in the car with Vera so the trip could be faster, but Amy said no, Vera needs to walk. And walk she did. It takes her a very long time (by our standards) to get from point A to point B. But she did it and does it without complaint and with that constant grin. We went into a Toys r Us while we were there and I thought Oh Oh, Vera’s going to want everything she sees. But she was perfectly happy just to look and ask questions and giggle. That night we ordered in pizza and while talking over dinner, the subject of Pata came up (my husband). She was very curious about him and Amy showed her a photo of him. More questions. One question was why didn’t Pata wear a watch? Vera loves watches and thinks everyone should wear one. So I explained, as much as I could, and hoping she would understand, that Pata had an injury and hurt his neck, and now his hands and feet hurt all the time; so it hurts him to wear a watch. All this time Vera was looking at me and her little face got sad, and when I was done she said……Oh, po (poor) Pata. I almost thought she was going to cry and Amy and I didn’t want that, so we told her it was OK; Pata was fine, he just can’t wear a watch. I wish I could have made a video of that, it was SO sweet. She had so much compassion for someone she didn’t even know.

So, at bedtime, I got to experience her first (since I’d been there) tantrum. (Amy here again - this made me smile. This was not a tantrum. This was what we call fussiness. My mom never did get to experience a tantrum or rage, for which I am grateful!) She must have cried for an hour and a half while Amy was trying to get her to sleep. I was worried that she was upset over the Pata story, but Amy said no. Poor Amy; I so wish I was closer so I could help her out. But I digress.

My journey must come to a close and my head and heart are filled with Vera. I told Amy earlier in the week that I don’t think of Vera as having CP; she’s just a little girl who hasn’t been allowed to grow up normally, as we know normal. The occupational therapy that she needs is just being a child. She’s behind other children her age, but advanced leaps and bounds during my four days; (not because of me, just because she devours knowledge and activity). While we were at Target, Amy bought 26 little wooden, alphabet blocks, the kind two year olds play with. Six year old Vera loved them. A few weeks earlier, during a therapy evaluation, Vera couldn’t stack 4, so the goal became 10, that’s why Amy bought them. After Abbi and Vera played with them and made stacking them a game, she was stacking 11…… within an hour!
Wow! Then they decided (with our urging) to try it with one hand behind their backs. This would encourage Vera to use her weak right side and make it look like a game. She could stack 4 with her weak hand! I was so impressed and proud!

So I guess that’s it. I’m not afraid anymore and can’t wait to see her again. And for those of you who wonder what it’s like, to suddenly have a new grandchild, who’s adopted, and you wonder if you can love that child, and think of them as your own…..the answer, for me anyway, is YES! In fact, I also gained a new grandson this past year, and he just happens to be adopted too. I love both of these newbies just as much as my biological grandchildren; they’re equal, as far as I’m concerned. Life is good!

Grammy and Vera having a deep discussion with paper phones. Vera's hand is flapping...she does this when she's happy and/or excited.

Park Day in Pictures

It was park day today with one of our favorite homeschool groups.

And what a beautiful day God blessed us with!

We all had a great day with even greater friends!

Caleb (green shirt) had SO much fun playing football with his buddies!

Jacob had fun with the older boys.

Vera had fun doing everything!

She even learned how to throw a frisbee...sort of. :)

She sure was cute trying!

Vera really loved swinging...especially when Jon pushed her.

He took today off from work to come play with us...

that was perhaps the BEST part of the day!

Vera LOVES playing with the big girls.

And they are so wonderful about including her.

Can you see how happy she is?

Abbi has the best friends a girl could have!

LOVE these precious girls!

Pediatricians, Orthopedists, and Therapists! Oh My!

Well, two of Vera's doctor appointments have come and gone. 2 of about a gazillion if I've done my math correctly. Our first appointment was on Tuesday with the pediatrician. A friend of mine recommended this doctor to us while we were in Ukraine. This particular pediatrician has worked with lots of kids adopted from Eastern Europe and she speaks Russian. Score! At first I was a bit bummed that we couldn't get Vera in to see any doctors until this week...almost 6 weeks home. But God knows so well. We've spent the last 6 weeks at home keeping things quiet and boring, building trust. Yesterday Jon and I got to witness first-hand how much trust has been built.

So, we went to World of Pediatrics in Alpharetta...about a 45 minute drive. This was our first visit which meant lots needed to be done. When I made the appointment I was told that this will be a long visit..."it could last almost an hour." Okay. No problem. Because of the length of these appointments, the doctor prefers to do them at the end of the day. Our appointment was at 6 pm. We left the office at 8:45. Almost 3 hours. By the time we got home it was after 9:30. WAY past Vera's bedtime. On the way home Vera kept trying to lay down in the van saying, "Mommy. Please. Sleep." My thoughts exactly.

Oh, but I am NOT complaining. We LOVE Dr. Vayman! She was awesome with Vera! Everyone in the office was awesome with Vera. I have never had such personal treatment with any of the kids' doctors and staff. They were so sincere and genuine and they just loved Vera. I had been second-guessing myself thinking "maybe we should just bring Vera to our regular pediatrician. She's just down the street." But I am so glad Jon encouraged me to keep our appointment with Dr. Vayman. I can't say enough good things about her and her staff.

When we arrived we had to wait in the waiting room for a few minutes while the receptionist got all our information put into the computer. They called us back and Vera was happy and smiling...until we got to the exam room.

Fear.

Panic.

Tears.

Vera cried, shook her head and said, "No ouchie! No ouchie!" The last time she saw a doctor was last summer when she had surgery on her legs. She remembers it vividly. She remembers the incredible pain she was in. She remembers crying a lot. She remembers being angry with her nannies for sending her there. She was so scared when we walked into the little room Tuesday night. We sat down and Jon pulled Vera onto her lap. We told Vera that no one was going to hurt her. We told her we were going to talk to the doctor and then the doctor would look at her. But no one would hurt her. We told her we'd be there for just a little bit and then we'd go home and get ready for bed. We didn't want her to think we were leaving her there. Vera calmed down and stopped crying. But she was still nervous. She sat on Jon's lap and sucked on her fingers. But she did NOT freak out. She did NOT scream and tantrum. She understood us. She believed us. She trusted us.

Dr. Vayman came in and I was instantly glad we had chosen her. She went right to Vera, looked her in the eye and started speaking to her. Vera smiled big when Dr. Vayman spoke Russian to her. This was another big answer to prayer. Really the main reason I was second guessing where we should take Vera for her first pediatrician appointment - I've heard many stories of kids hearing their native language after being adopted and being filled with fear that they were being sent back to the orphanage. They regressed. It was like starting all over...just from hearing their native language. I wasn't really worried that Vera would regress, but the thought was certainly in the back of my mind. What if...

I had no reason to worry! We could tell Vera was still nervous, but she never cried again. Dr. Vayman went back and forth speaking Russian and English to Vera. Vera answered most of the questions in English. Dr. Vayman was impressed with how much English Vera already knows. When it was time to put Vera on the table to check her over, she panicked a bit, but Jon and I were both right there with her. She calmed right down. She let the doctor do the exam and then it was just adult talk for a long time. Vera was so patient. Dr. Vayman was able to tell me some things I didn't know from the medical records from the orphanage that didn't get translated. She was great about waiting on some things for us. We wanted this to be a good experience for Vera and asked for a no needle visit this time. Next week we'll begin all the tests. They will need to take lots of blood from poor, little Vera to check her for everything under the sun. And the best part (not!) is the stool samples. I get to collect six, count 'em, SIX stool samples over the next 2 weeks. They have to be collected 3 days apart from each other and taken to the lab within 3 days. Jon will get to do the dropoffs...the lab is close to his work. Aren't you envious now? Stool samples. Fun times, people. Fun times. Oh, and Vera also got to pee in a cup...what a fun experience. We have a seat for Vera at home because she can't yet hold herself up on the toilet. Well, I couldn't hold Vera on the toilet AND hold the cup underneath her so Jon got to hold her while I held the cup. While Vera told us how silly we are.

Yesterday morning I had to wake Vera up (which is a sin in the Evans family...similar to waking a sleeping baby) to take her to see the orthopedist for the first time. She opened her eyes, looked at me and said, "No bye bye. No bye bye." Poor thing. She has no idea what's in store for her. I told her it would be a short bye bye and not long like the night before. If only I had known...

Jon met us at the office. Vera did great again. Praise the Lord! No fear yesterday. No tears. Not even when the doctor examined her little legs. The orthopedist was great with Vera and we LOVE him! They took a few X-rays of Vera and she did GREAT! Her spine is perfectly straight (thank You, Lord) and her hips are in perfect position (thank You again, Lord)! That may not be the case as she grows. If her thigh muscles tighten up when she has growth spurts, they could pull her hips out of alignment. But we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. The orthopedist wrote prescriptions for Vera's AFO's (leg braces) and also referred us to a neurologist and physiatrist (bet you don't know what THAT is!). He also wrote prescriptions for physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy.

Did you hear that? I hear it in my sleep.

Cha ching. Cha ching. Cha ching.

After we saw the orthopedist, we went next door to make an appointment to get Vera fitted for her AFO's. I am so excited to finally get her in the AFO's. I'm not looking forward to the fights that I'm sure we're going to have in the beginning, but I cannot wait to get her legs straight and get her walking easier. I filled out paperwork and the receptionist told me someone would be right with me. We were SO thankful they could get Vera in RIGHT THEN to be fitted and we didn't have to schedule another appointment. The man who took care of us was wonderful with Vera. She was so tired by this point and we kept telling her we were almost done and then we'd go home and have lunch. The orthotist was great and explained everything he was doing as he was doing it. Our only (very minor) annoyance was how he added 'ums' to the end of every other word. "Okay Vera. Now I just need to get my scissor-ums and cut-ums this off of your leg-ums. Yep." I am not exaggerating. That's how he talked to her the whole time. And he added 'yep' to the end of EVERY sentence. When we left and Vera and I were saying goodbye to Jon, I told him to have fun at work-ums, yep. Anyway, we got to pick the pattern and color for Vera's AFO's...no yucky white for the princess! We (I) chose pretty pink with lavender butterflies. And of course the straps will be pink.

Vera sees the opthamologist tomorrow. I would really appreciate prayers. For some reason I am really nervous about this appointment. I spent this morning making appointments with the neurologist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, speech therapist, etc. I almost have our insurance information memorized. If you saw my calendar, you would cry. I almost did by the time I was done making all the appointments. I still need to schedule her first dentist appointment. Sigh. Oh, and we start school on Monday. Welcome to life at the Evans!

Last but not least, here are some pictures of the kids. My grandma's birthday is next week, and I wanted to send pictures in her card. Vera was SO excited when I told her we were going to take pictures.

If you've ever heard her giggle, you can almost hear it when you look at this photo.

My four treasures.

Finding Joy in the Boring

Some of you are wondering why I'm not blogging as much anymore...

Do you remember the post I wrote before we came home and I told you that we would keep our first few weeks at home really boring to help Vera feel safe?

Well, we're up to our eyeballs in boring! I'm trying not to let it drive me crazy because I know that in just a few weeks we will be up to our eyeballs in doctor visits, school, band, co-op, high school (Jacob), middle school (the twins), preschool (Vera)...LIFE! Because our lives have been so boring, there just hasn't been much going on to share.

But boring has been very good for Vera. I do think she feels safe here and with us. We try to add a few fun activities out of the house here and there, but I think I speak for all of us when I say...we're looking forward to normal living again! We broke up the monotony a little bit and took the kids to the pool on Saturday. Vera would not let Jon or me let go of her the whole time, but she did have fun! Can you tell?

We all had fun! We also got a glimpse into how much work Vera has ahead of her. Her core is very weak. Her little legs would either float up in front of her or behind her. Jon and I worked with her and showed her how to get and stay upright. We showed her how to kick, which really made her work. We didn't stay more than an hour, but by the time we left, Vera was exhausted and could hardly walk. The kids and I went to the pool again this afternoon and Vera did much better. She still wouldn't let me let go of her, but she was upright almost the whole time. We were there 2 hours and she's not as tired today as she was after an hour on Saturday. I cannot wait to get her in physical therapy!

Anyway...back to Vera feeling safe...some adopted kids try to get in other people's carts at the grocery store and go home with complete strangers. They just don't understand the concept of mommy, daddy, family. Vera doesn't do this. Some adopted kids think that women who bring meals over are Mama and they can go home and live with them. Vera hasn't done this. She hasn't called anyone Mama except for me...well except for one time in Ukraine when she called Corrie Mama. But she didn't know anything else to call her. If Vera does happen to call any of you Mama, please just tell her, "I'm not Mama. My name is ________." Hopefully if this happens, I'll be right there and you can point to me and say, "That is Mama."

Vera's rages are slowly diminishing. For this I can't even tell you how thankful I am. Just two weeks ago, when Jon or I told her 'no' she would cry. Sometimes a rage would follow, sometimes she would just scream and shake her head. NOW, if we tell her 'no' she (usually) just whines and says, "please" over and over in a really pitiful (annoying) voice. She'll whine and beg about whatever we said 'no' to. I have started making her look me in the eye and saying firmly, "Mommy said no." Seems to be working. With me anyway. I'm with Vera much more than Jon since he's back to work and I think she has finally learned that with me, her whining and begging get her nowhere. She definitely whines longer to Jon because she's very cute about it and he can't help but smile at her. I think his smiles give her false hope. But Jon and I agree that we'll take whining over raging ANY DAY!

Vera is also improving with following directions. She used to go into a rage if we asked her to do something that she didn't want to do. Now, when we ask her to do something she'll either do it, or she'll say 'no', giggle and then go do it. This isn't always the case, but it's becoming the norm. We do usually have to repeat our instruction several times (not because she doesn't understand, but because she's ornery!) and sometimes we have to physically move her in the right direction, but she'll almost always comply with what we've asked without a fight. Yay!

I was hoping to tell you that we've gone 5 days straight without a tantrum, but she had a few yesterday. Even in that though, there is such HUGE improvement! I can't call it raging anymore. She has graduated up to tantrum. Vera still cries and sometimes screams, but I can't remember the last time she threw something. Her crying isn't angry anymore...it's sad and almost whiny. She usually calms down within a few minutes now instead of it taking 20, 40, 60 minutes or more. She still has a ways to go, but the difference in Vera over the past 4 weeks is really quite amazing. All the credit, praise and glory goes to God! I know several of you agreed to pray for us specifically in the weeks after we got home. God is listening and answering! Please continue to pray!! Some days the patience I have for Vera and the constant attention she requires just amazes me. I know it is not from me. Patient has never been a word that describes me.

Can you believe we've had her for 4 weeks? 4 weeks ago today we busted her out of the orphanage. 4 weeks ago today we traveled in a car with Vera for 7 hours to Kiev. It will forever be known as the car ride from you-know-where. For the first 5 hours everything was mostly good. We had to make a few unplanned potty breaks and we learned a very important Russian word...kahket. We knew the peezit word. Kahket was new. Vera panicked when we had no idea what she was saying. Thank the Lord for a Russian speaking driver who started laughing and said, "She needs bathroom." Jon and I argued with him since we had just had a peezit break not 5 minutes before. The driver chuckled and said, "No. She NEEDS bathroom!" Oh...kahket! After that the real fun began. It was after 10 pm and we knew Vera had to be exhausted. We were exhausted. We wanted her to go to sleep. We told her it was time for sleep.

She. Went. Bonkers.

Remember when I shared the Jack-Jack Attack clip (from The Incredibles) and said it was all I could think about in the car? Understanding came the next day when Jon and I saw how Vera falls asleep. She was trying to sway and jerk in the car. She was trying to self-soothe so she could fall asleep. Jon and I had never seen her do this, so we had no idea what she was doing. We just thought someone had flipped a switch and this was the new, not so improved Vera. We were trying to hold her and restrain her. Had we known how she falls asleep, the trip would have gone much better. As it was, Vera screamed (I mean SCREAMED) the last almost 2 hours of the drive. I don't even want to know what was going through our driver's mind.

We arrived at our apartment at around 1:30 am and lugged Vera and our luggage up 4 flights of stairs. We all fell in to bed around 2 and slept until 6. Our embassy appointment was supposedly at 8:30 am and our driver picked us up at 7:50. We arrived at the embassy to learn that our appointment was really at 2:00 pm. But they still took care of us. We began the paperwork for Vera's visa and then headed over to the clinic for her medical exam. We were waiting in the very crowded little hallway for Vera's turn to see the doctor when who should we see venturing their way toward us?

Yep! My lovely friend, Corrie and her new daughter Vika! I was SO hoping we would get to see them in Ukraine! I got my wish right before it was time to head home! Vera and Vika had their exams one right after the other, so we got to spend a bit of time together.
Vika had to have a chest X-ray done, so we all had a snack together while we waited for our paperwork. Vera remembered Vika, but we're not sure if Vika remembered Vera. We attempted a few photos of the 4 of us together. This was the best shot we got. It will have to do. After we received our medical paperwork, we all ended up riding back to our apartments together.

I have been praying about finding joy in any moment I can. I have been stuck in a string of negative thoughts and it's time to snap out of it. There has already been improvement in that area. Last Wednesday was a particularly bad day and I sent Jon an SOS email just after lunch and told him I was counting down the MINUTES until he got home. When Jon first went back to work and for many days after that, at around 9 in the morning I would start counting down the hours until he came home. I realized a few days ago that I'm not doing that as much anymore. These days, if I do start counting the hours until Jon's return I don't start until 3 or 4. And by then it's not long until he comes home! Woo hoo!! If you read Abbi's blog today you know that I'm not the only one who finds some of Vera's antics and behaviors annoying. Vera is definitely the hardest on Abbi and I. It's time to refocus our attention on the JOY Vera brings to our family. She brings more joy to us each day that she's with us. As her rages diminish and her behavior improves, as she learns what family is and how much we love her NO MATTER WHAT, the real Vera is beginning to shine through. As I watched Vera play and laugh with her siblings at the pool today, I had tears behind my eyes as I thought about where she would be if she were not here with us. I can't let my mind go there today. Today we are celebrating 4 weeks with Vera!

Vera is a domestic goddess. She loves to help with ANYTHING! Her favorite activities include throwing the dirty clothes into the washer and then from the washer to the dryer. She loves to help empty the dryer. I must admit that I share her enthusiasm about opening the dryer after each load is finished. After going without a dryer for almost 6 weeks, there is still nothing that compares to pulling out truly clean, SOFT clothes and towels. Vera also loves to sweep and help with the vacuuming. And if she sees me washing dishes without her...look out! I think her favorite job is putting the silverware away. She tries to do it whether the silverware is clean or dirty. She thinks it's quite something to watch Abbi clean toilets and can't wait until we let her try. Her fascination with water has me a little hesitant about letting her splash toilet water all over the bathroom. And believe me, she would. To see the joy that performing each of these chores brings to Vera...oh my. We take so many things for granted. Vera also loves to brush the pets. We're still working on gentleness though. She is getting better, but still has a ways to go. By the end of almost every day Vera is not allowed to touch the pets. Each day we start over and hope for the best.

We love Vera's smile and laugh. We love to hear her learning more English. Her little voice is precious, especially with her Russian accent. She does have a speech problem due to her CP, but the way she says the kids' and pets' names is too cute. I really can't wait until I can have a conversation with Vera. There are so many things I want to ask her. All in due time, I guess. Vera LOVES her siblings...oh, how she loves them. And I would be a mess without them. What a privilege it has been for me as a mom to see how loving and patient they are with Vera. And with me. Last Friday I woke up with a killer headache and then Vera had a LONG, loud tantrum as soon as she got up. She woke Abbi up and everything. By the time Jacob got up, I was recovering on the couch with a cup of coffee. I told him about Vera's early wake up and tantrum and my headache and how tired I was. Without a word, he got up, got the twins and all 3 of them took Vera into her room to play. And I laid down on the couch and thanked the Lord for my awesome big kids. I don't deserve them.

Well, I was going to tell you more, but this is already longer than I thought it would be. I will leave you with Vera's One Less video. I shared this 4 weeks ago on the day she officially became an Evans and she left the orphanage FOREVER. I am waiting in eager expectation about what God is going to do in the next 4 weeks.

Joy

I do have things to tell you. Good things and not so good things. I do have questions and need some advice from all you people who have adopted and are further along in this than we are. But for today, I will just say that God is good and He gave us what we needed most this weekend. Joy. We (mostly I) needed some joy with Vera this weekend. And God supplied it in abundance. And I am thankful for how He loves me.

Joy.

Some very good friends of ours bought a sand table for Vera with the

intention of it being a water table since she loves water so much.

We broke it out this afternoon.

I haven't let Vera see the box for fear that she will insist we put sand in it.

I'm just not ready to mix sand and Vera.

Not yet.

Water is different.

Water is much easier to clean up.

Water I can handle right now.

While the boys worked in the yard, the girls played in water.

And we were joyful.

For three whole hours.

We laughed.

Vera adores Abbi.

But who wouldn't?

We laughed a lot.

Vera's laughter really is contagious.

If she is laughing, you can't help but laugh with her.

Someone once said that Vera's smile lights up the world.

And it does.

Seriously!

Who could not love this little face?

How could anyone think this precious one belongs in an institution?

It boggles our minds.

Both girls ended up dripping...literally...from head to toe.

Vera's legs were so tired from standing there for 3 hours,

she couldn't walk up the stairs to her room.

Jon had to help me change her clothes because

her legs couldn't hold her up anymore.

She played hard.

She laughed hard.

Joy personified.