Progress

Well, it's been two weeks since my last adoption post, so I thought I'd give an update on our progress so far. First, I guess you can all see that we've already sold 172 puzzle pieces! Praise the Lord, we are so excited about that! We also have many other promises to buy, so we're not off to a bad start. The kids and I have had a good time putting the puzzle together. As you can see, the edges are complete and we've started filling in one of the corners. We also have about 70 pieces that are just waiting to be attached. But we can't attach them until they are 'bought', so if you've been meaning to purchase any, now is the time! We're not attaching the pieces until they're bought so we can write the names on the back of each piece. I will say, this puzzle is so hard! What were we thinking?! I won't tell you what the picture is...I want your anticipation to be high so you check back regularly to see what we chose for Leanna.

We've also made lots of progress with our homestudy. Jon and I got our FBI and GBI fingerprinting done and sent it off. Now we wait to get our clearances back. It looks like the average time to get the FBI clearance back right now is about 3 months. In the meantime, we'll finish up with all the other paperwork and get the miscellaneous things accomplished...have the septic tank pumped, get the pets vaccination records, etc. I'm about halfway done with the Self Study and feel good about that. Jon spoke with his supervisor and filled him in about what's going on. Jon let him know that our travel dates will likely be given with very short notice and Jon will have to drop everything when we get those dates. His supervisor was very understanding and said okay. All 5 of us have had our first physicals...the kids are all up to date on their immunizations and Jon and I both had our TB tests done. Last week I sent off for certified copies of our birth certificates and marriage certificate ($101 later). We'll need these for our dossier later on. Jon will have to send off for his birth certificate though...since he was born in Japan, he has to go a different route. I'm so glad that we both already have passports and we won't be waiting for those.

Our home visit was yesterday. I had talked to Tonya at Options 4 Adoption several times on the phone, but yesterday was the first time I met her face to face. She was just as wonderful in person as she is on the phone. Options 4 Adoption is taking care of our homestudy and then we'll contract with our adoption agency. I'm looking forward to getting to that point. Anyway, we gave her all the paperwork we've finished so far...I was suprised how many things we were able to check off the list. Very encouraging! She interviewed Jon and I (we had to give 3 adjectives that described our personality, our mother's personality and our father's personality...it was suprisingly difficult!) and she also interviewed the kids. Then the kids gave her a tour of the house. We'll see her again in two weeks, hopefully with the rest of the paperwork completed. That's our goal anyway. She has 2 adopted kids...one from Russia and one from Ukraine. She asked us how much we anticipate spending on this adoption and we told her probably around $35,000 according to all of the expenses we know of right now. She said it will be more like $48,000 to $50,000. She shared many little tidbits about Russia with us. She apologized at the end and said she hoped she hadn't discouraged us. Quite the contrary! I just kept thinking, "Wow, Lord, I can't wait to see how You pull this all together!" I don't know what was going through Jon's mind, but discouragement never crossed mine. As I think back to all she shared last night, I'm really a bit surprised that there's not a hint of discouragement. Just anticipation. Let's get this done and bring Leanna home!

Some people with New Horizons left last week to go to Russia, Ukraine and Latvia to interview children for the summer hosting program. They offered to take things to our children for a small fee. We prepared a package for Leanna and sent that off. Now I'm working on getting the information to call her. It's unbelievable that she's only been gone 2 1/2 weeks. It seems more like 2 or 3 months.

I must confess, I am getting rather impatient. I just want everything to be done so we can go get Leanna and bring her home. I know there's a process. I understand that. I know we have to get checked out inside and out. And I understand why. What I don't understand is why it needs to take so long. What's interesting to me is how God is using so many things to teach me about patience these days. Last week, every one of my daily devotions was about patience. The other day, the author quoted Hebrews 6:15, which says, "Having patiently waited, Abraham obtained the promise." Do you know what that promise was? In Genesis 12, God promised Abraham He would make him into a great nation. God promised Abraham offspring. Abraham was 75 years old when God promised him this. 15 years later God confirmed His promise and told Abraham he would be the father of many nations. God promised him that he would be fruitful and have many descendants. 10 years after that, at the age of 100, 25 years after God promised him children, Abraham and his wife Sarah had their son, Isaac. Sarah was 90. She laughed when she overheard the Lord tell Abraham she would have a son. Can anyone blame her? She was well past child-bearing years after all. But my point is, Abraham waited patiently for the promised son. For 25 years. Romans 4 says that Abraham's faith did not weaken even though his body was as good as dead and Sarah's womb was too. Verses 20 & 21 say that Abraham did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He promised. Wow! I hope I come through this experience with just a fraction of Abraham's faith...and his patience.

I don't read Beth Moore's blog everyday, but I do try to keep up with it regularly. Well, a few days ago I was really struggling with my impatience. I just want to go get Leanna. Why must I wait? She's almost 14. I'm losing precious time with her. These are the days that she needs a momma to talk to and cry to and ask questions as she navigates through puberty. Anyway, I was on Beth's blog and read a post that I hadn't yet because, frankly, it was a long one and I hadn't taken the time to read it. But God's timing is wonderful, as usual. The post is titled 'That's Not What I'm Doing' in case any of you want to go read it. The link to Beth's blog is on my blogroll to the right (The LPM Blog). It started out as one of her funny family posts and moved into a story about her and her grandson building with some new blocks. It's a really sweet story and I won't share the whole thing with you. Just the part that spoke to me...

"Often, we just don't know what God is doing. So often we think we do but, the truth is, we just don't. Thankfully, He does. He really does. He doesn't need our help. Our brilliant ideas. Or our last ditch efforts because He ignored our first ten suggestions. He just wants our cooperation. He is constructing something beyond our human rationale. He knows in advance every piece - past, present, and future - that will be required for the finished work. He has all the patience in the universe to put it together. We see one little part and one little moment. He, the One who is, who was, and is to come, sees beyond the singular piece to every generation and condition He means to effect. Meanwhile, He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. The one thing may not be good at all by itself. In fact, it may be horrendous. Criminal. It's when He weaves it with all that comes before it and all that will come around and behind it that something good, something beneficial, emerges. Never let Romans 8:28 become so familiar that you subconsciously fold it into your spiritual fairy tale file. It is as true today as it was the moment the Apostle dripped the letters on the parchment. Don't blow them dry. Maybe it's not that God isn't listening. Maybe it's just that what we keep suggesting is not exactly what He's doing. And, if that's so, what He's doing can only be better and more effectual than what we think we'd do in His place.

John 13:7 says something that keeps ringing in my ears.

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."

Later.

LATER.

L.A.T.E.R.

We WILL understand. "

And THAT is the promise I will cling to for however long it takes to bring Leanna home.

The Pediatrician Review

It finally happened. All these years my homeschool friends have cautioned me to make sure I find a homeschool-friendly pediatrician. Well, I've never encountered an unhomeschool-friendly doctor and I really wondered what my friends were talking about. What's the big deal?

I get it now.

Part of our homestudy to adopt Leanna includes getting a letter for each of us from our doctors that basically says we're healthy, sane people. I was able to get appointments for all 3 kids last week. Of course, I had to find a new pediatrician since our former one got married and either moved out of the state or is no longer practicing medicine. I found a pediatrician in our insurance network who is located very close to us. Great! I usually have to drive about 30 minutes so I was very happy to find one within 10 minutes of our house.

Caleb was the first one to get checked out. His height and weight were good. Ears and hearing test were good. Blood pressure and pulse rate were good. Then the nurse asked where Caleb goes to school. "We homeschool." "Oh-h." You homeschoolers know the 'oh-h' I'm talking about. The disapproving 'sure you do' look says it all. The look we get when we're at the grocery store with our kids during school hours. The look we get when we take the kids for haircuts before school gets out to avoid the rush and they ask if it was an early release day. The look we get at the swimming pool on the first day of public school (one of our favorite pool days) and most moms are there celebrating that their kids are finally gone. Well, I think the nurse must've written HOMESCHOOLERS in big, black letters on Caleb's file. She left and we waited for the doctor. After a few minutes, the doctor came in, shook our hands, introduced herself and said, "So, you homeschool." It was not a question. It was a statement. A statement with no accompanying smile. A statement dripping with obvious disapproval. That's okay. I don't need everyone to agree with our decision to homeschool. I do, however, need this doctor to sign my piece of paper that says Caleb is healthy and lives in a home where a healthy lifestyle is promoted. Right off the bat I became a little nervous with this doctor, and I sat up a little straighter. Then came the questions. She asked Caleb question after question (which is fine...I have no problem with questions) which he answered slowly and quietly in typical Caleb fashion. The questions were very general...what do you eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner? Do you eat alot of sugary foods/drinks? How often do you eat fruits and vegetables? How much time per day do you spend watching TV/playing video games? How often do you get physical exercise? Etc. etc. If you're not familiar with APD (Auditory Processing Dysfunction), one of the aspects of it is that it takes a few seconds (sometimes minutes) longer to answer questions. Your brain takes a bit longer than normal to process the question, form an answer and speak it. What frustrated me is that she eventually quit waiting for his answers and would just move on to another question. Her conclusion was that since he 'wouldn't' answer her questions he must've thought the answers weren't what she wanted to hear. So she turned to me and let me know (with that 'so-what-are-you-teaching-him-at-home' overtone) that the American Pediatric Association is now recommending 5 servings of fruits and vegetables each day, no more than 2 hours of screen time (TV, video games, computer) per day, 1 hour of physical activity each day and zero sugary drinks like soda and fruit juice. So, I politely told her that we do eat lots of fruit (although we can improve in the veggie area...we've never eaten 5 servings a day...more like 1 or 2), he rarely gets more than 2 hours of screen time a day and we don't even have video games, he does get more than 1 hour of physical activity most days (if it's not raining, the kids are usually outside all afternoon...even when it's 20 degrees out) and we don't buy soda or juice unless someone is sick. Even when we eat out, water is the drink of choice for all of us. And then I mentioned the APD and asked her if she was familiar with it. She said she's no expert but she did know about it. So I told her about Caleb and that although he hasn't yet been screened for it (because I need a referral), I believe that's what he has and that's why he was slow to answer her questions. So she told me that an APD screening would just test his hearing and they already did that and his hearing is fine. She then gave me her recommendation that I won't go into now because just thinking about it angers me. I know, I need to let it go. She spent all of 15 minutes with Caleb. I've been with him for over 10 years. I told her (still politely) that screening for APD is actually a 3 hour long battery of tests that does not include a hearing test...before you can get screened for it, your hearing must have already been checked and okayed. I've done much reading about this and although I'm no expert either, at least I knew that much. She eased up a bit and told me that she'd give me the referral if I really wanted it but she didn't think it was necessary.

So then we moved on to Abbi. Same drill. Height, weight, blood pressure, pulse rate, hearing and vision all good. Questioning went well. Abbi answered everything the way Caleb would have had he been given a chance. She was able to tell the doctor everything I mentioned above. While I sat silently wanting to scream "WE LIVE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE! Sure, we can improve in some areas, but who can't?!" Then the doctor (same one for all 3 kids) asked Abbi if she knew about puberty. Abbi looked at her blankly which prompted the doctor to ask if she'd heard that word before. I told the doctor we hadn't discussed any of that yet, thinking that was code for, "and I'd rather you didn't discuss it with her right now." To my amazement, the doctor proceeded to begin to tell Abbi some things she could expect soon. I interrupted and told the doctor that *I* would have that discussion when I felt Abbi was ready for it. I'm watching for signs. I'm not stupid. I know she's 1o and things will be starting in the next couple of years. Then the doctor began to recommend a book for me to use with Abbi. I interrupted her and said, "You mean The Care and Keeping of You? Yes, that's what I plan to read with her. When. She's. Ready." I wanted to chuckle when the look of surprise crossed the doctor's face because I was familiar with and plan to use that book. Maybe I'm not such an idiot after all!

Honestly, after this, it was running through my mind that I should just grab my kids and leave. But we were already there and I still needed the doctor to sign my papers for our homestudy. So...then it was Jacob's turn. Height, blood pressure, pulse rate, hearing and vision were good. Weight...not so much. He's officially in the 'overweight' category. Which was no surprise to me. He's a big kid. He enjoys food. I wouldn't say he overeats though. Well, maybe a little. But he doesn't eat junk food. And he does get lots of physical exercise, so I've never been worried. Jon and I are just waiting for him to shoot up, which I imagine will happen very soon. Jon was a bit overweight too during puberty and then he shot up and thinned out. I imagine Jacob will do the same. So, the doctor comes in and goes right to Jacob. She says, "Before I begin, Jacob, would you like your mom to leave the room?" I'm sorry? I must be hallucinating. Did you just ask what I think you just asked? Stunned, I said, "I'll be staying in the room with Jacob." The doctor looked me straight in the eye and said, "That is Jacob's decision." To which I replied, "Jacob is 12. I am his mother and I'm staying in the room." To which she replied, "Not if he doesn't want you to." With an almost evil little smile she looked back at Jacob and asked him again if he wanted me to leave the room while I (figuratively) rolled up my sleeves and prepared to go toe to toe with this woman. If you know Jacob, you know that he is one of the most laid back, easy going kids ever. He looked at the doctor, smiled, shrugged his shoulders and said, "It's okay if she stays." I sat back in my chair. She asked him all the same questions and he happily answered them. She checked him all out and recommended he get lab work done to check his blood sugar and also for diabetes. I already knew that was coming and we scheduled that visit, which was yesterday. Then, the moment of truth came. I handed her my papers and asked if she would fill them out for me. She took them and left the room while Jacob got dressed. I sat their worrying about what she was going to write. Leanna's future with us was in the hands of this one doctor. If she wrote negative things, we'd have to start all over with another pediatrician. I was quite relieved when the nurse returned with all 3 letters. Each one gave favorable opinions and said that the kids were healthy and that a 'healthy lifestyle is promoted in the home.' Thank goodness! It wasn't all for nothing!

When we got home that day, I was checking email and couldn't believe the first thing I read. In an update from Parental Rights, it said, "In Minnesota, “Jaime” was shocked to learn she needed her 11-year-old daughter’s permission to access the daughter’s medical records or contact a physician about the girl’s health. The doctor hides behind a federal law as the justification for his action. “Lisa” in Colorado learned that “to protect the privacy” of a 9-year-old’s library records, government librarians refused to tell her what books her child had checked out (even though Lisa was being asked to pay the over-due book fine) – an experience shared by “Nicole” in Maryland.

Parents of 5-year-olds shouldn’t have to fight a doctor or dentist, because of federal privacy law, for the right to remain present while their child undergoes an examination or receives care. Yet we have received letters from “Megan” in California and from several others in different states who have faced just such a challenge.

These examples demonstrate the urgent need for the Parental Rights Amendment (PRA). Governments have an ever-increasing view of their power to deal directly with children in exclusion of the parent."

Friends, I urge you to visit www.parentalrights.org today and educate yourselves about what's going on in our nation. There is no time to waste!

As for me, I am now on the hunt for a homeschool friendly pediatrician. Any recommendations?

Puzzle Piece Fundraiser

I am SUPER excited to announce our first fundraiser to help bring Leanna home! I believe and hope this is one that everyone can participate in and will have fun with. Here is how it will work:

The kids and I went out yesterday to find a 1,000 piece puzzle for Leanna. We dug around the shelves for a few minutes and then we found 'the one.' We all said, "Now THAT looks like a Leanna puzzle!" So, we will raise money by 'selling' the puzzle pieces. Everyone has the option to sponsor a puzzle piece (or pieces if you want. There is no limit!) for $10. Every time someone 'purchases' a puzzle piece, we will write their name on the back of a puzzle piece and begin to put the puzzle together. I will frequently take pictures of the puzzle coming together and post them here so everyone can see the progress of it being built! When the puzzle is complete, we will glue it together and hang it in Leanna's room. She'll be able to take the puzzle down and look at the back and she'll always be reminded of each of you who cared and contributed to bringing her home.

If you would like to become a puzzle piece sponsor, you can either use the “Donate” button in the top right corner, or you can contact me for other arrangements. And please spread the word! I will be sending this out via email to every email address I have as well as all my Facebook friends. You may receive this announcement more than once, and for that I apologize. Please feel free to forward this to anyone and everyone you know. You just never know who will want to help us bring Leanna home.

Goodbye, Leanna - for now

Well, it's official. My heart has been ripped out of my body and is on its way to Russia. Actually, it's there already.

But let me back up and start with Wednesday. The Pierce's had a farewell party so that Leanna could say goodbye to her American friends. The kids and I were able to get there mid-afternoon to spend some extra time with her. I had the privilege of helping Leanna pack. Such bittersweet moments. We were able to share a few giggles about 'girl things' or 'secrets' as Leanna likes to call them (she does enjoy a good secret!). But as the packing continued, tensions seemed to run a little high. Katie was downstairs getting ready for the party, while Leanna, Mark and I were packing and repacking and weighing and packing and removing things and weighing again. Her suitcase could not weigh more than 50 pounds and she could only bring 1 suitcase to check and 1 carry-on with her (with NO liquids). Leanna had purchased a few HUGE bottles of shampoo, conditioner and bodywash with a gift card she had received for Christmas. Together, they weighed close to 10 pounds and it became clear that she wasn't going to be able to bring them home. She was most upset and argued and argued that they were her gifts that she bought. My heart went out to her. I remember being that age and how important things like that were, especially things purchased on your own. Mark promised to ship them to her and she cried that it would take 2 weeks for the package to get to her. At some point Mark left the room to call the translator while Leanna and I stayed in her room. She had tears streaming down her face and she just cried out, "I no WANT Russia!". And then my tears came. I had done SO good not crying in front of her. Until that moment. I no want Russia either! This is so unfair! It's moments like that that I just don't understand God's ways. Why? Why does she have to go back to a hopeless situation? Why does she have to go back to the orphanage where there's no one to ask her about her day, no one to hug her and kiss her goodnight, no one to tell her she's loved? Why did He bring her here for us to fall in love with only to send her back? Why can't I at least tell her she has a family who loves her and wants her and will be fighting for her for however long it takes? Why does it have to be like this? Why? Why? Why? On the other hand, what if Mark and Katie had not hosted Leanna? I've known for a few months that someone is missing from our family. I just didn't know until recently that that someone is Leanna. If Mark & Katie had not decided, at the last minute, to host Leanna, how long would I have searched for her? Would I ever have found her? So many questions fill my head.

I will say that I am so thankful that Wednesday worked out the way it did. That I was there to console Leanna and hug her and hold her and cry with her. I knew Mark and Katie would have that opportunity at bedtime, and I feel so blessed that I was able to comfort Leanna in those sad moments of packing. Somehow it bonded us, at least a little. Oh, how I miss her. I can't imagine how Mark and Katie must be feeling. I can still hear Leanna. I can hear what she'd say about our conversations, I can see and hear her reaction, I can hear her laugh, I can see her expressions. I am so thankful that we got to spend so much time with Leanna.

Anyway, the party was good. Lots of friends, lots of laughs, and lots of tears. Leanna was very upset about saying goodbye to Katie's mom. After she left, Leanna was still crying and went upstairs. A few minutes later, I followed her up to see if I could console her. When I got there, I found her lying on the floor with her head in Jacob's lap. He seemed to have things under control (both their backs were to me), so I headed back downstairs.

So, onto yesterday. The day of departure. A sad day for all of us. We met Mark & Katie at the airport and waited for the other host families to arrive. Then we waited for the New Horizons director to arrive. Then we waited for the translator to arrive with the passports. Then we waited while the baggage was checked. And we waited. And we waited. And we waited. Spirits seemed to be pretty good during that time, but I'm sure we were all dealing with our own emotions. I don't know how Mark and Katie were doing, but there were moments that it felt like my heart was in a vise and I had trouble breathing in. An odd feeling that I hope never to have again. I was glad Jon was there with me. While we waited, we learned that Leanna's good friend/roommate is being adopted next week. My heart grieved for Leanna. Over the weeks she had told us about many of her friends who've been adopted and now live the US. "My friend, so and so, live in Texas. My friend, so and so, live in Atlanta. My friend, so and so, live in New York etc." I don't know how she remembers everything, but it's obviously something she keeps track of. Leanna knew her roommate was being adopted, but no one knew until yesterday that next week her friend will leave the orphanage and come live in America. Leanna came over to me and was saying, "All my friends, they all come live in America. I have no friends left. So and so, and so and so, and so and so, they all live in America. Now Ashley. Why no me?" Oh, daughter it WILL be you! If only I could tell you! Don't lose hope, Leanna. Don't be discouraged. All I could do was hug her. I can't imagine what her thoughts must be like watching so many of her friends get adopted and leave the orphanage. She must be wondering when it will be her turn. Or if it will ever be her turn at all. She said that she prays every night for a family. She's got to wonder why that prayer hasn't been answered yet... After all the baggage finally got checked, we headed to the gate. We got to the security checkpoint and the tears began in full. I can't even put into words what it was like to hug my daughter good-bye and send her off to the other side of the world. There really aren't words to describe it. Especially since she doesn't even know she's my daughter. Jon and I did tell her that we want to host her this summer and that made her happy. Hopefully then we can tell her she's ours.

By the time we left the airport it was close to 2 pm and we were starving. Katie and I shared a last, tearful hug and we parted ways. Jon and I had already decided that after the airport we were going to go get our fingerprinting done so we can get that off to the FBI. That's probably what we'll be waiting on to finish the homestudy so we wanted that done ASAP. After a quick bite at Chik-Fil-A, we were off to the Sheriff's office. That process was quick and painless and today I am getting that paperwork in the mail. On our way home (finally) we were driving over the 'little ocean' and Jon said, "I miss her." And then he asked me how I was doing. And the tears came all over again.

Ice Skating

I had promised the kids that I would take them ice skating during our Christmas break. They had never gone before and I thought that would be a fun, wintery thing to do. After seeing how much Leanna enjoys physical activity (she really doesn't like to sit around for too long), I asked Katie if she and the kids would like to come too. She said YES! Between Katie's and my own schedule we had to keep pushing the day back, but FINALLY it worked out and last Thursday we met at the Ice Forum in Duluth for a fun, cold morning of ice skating. We got there before Katie did, and the kids were so excited that we decided not to wait for them to get started. I told the kids to feel free to hug the wall their first few laps around the rink (which is what I planned to do the whole time!) to get comfortable on their skates. Well, on their first lap they got about halfway around the rink and were doing just fine. No wall hugging for them! Below - Abbi and cute, little Ellie (Katie's daughter)

Below - Caleb and Preston (Katie's son)

Leanna told us that she had never been ice skating before. After she got her skates on, she was holding my arm and acting like she was afraid to go out onto the ice. So I said, "watch me" and stepped out while holding onto the wall. I turned around to tell her to just hold onto the wall but she was already halfway around the rink! I don't think she ever even touched the wall!

After seeing how well Leanna did on the ice, Katie asked her again if she had been ice skating before. Leanna insisted this was her first time. I almost believed her...until she started gliding around one on foot! First time? I don't think so! She did say she rollerblades though. Having never been rollerblading, I have no idea how it compares to ice skating.

The above picture makes me smile every time I look at it! After our skating session was over, the younger kids went to investigate the video games while us moms got everything together and made lunch plans. While we were all doing this, Leanna was busy rearranging Jacob's face. It's become one of her favorite past-times!

Getting to know Leanna

There have been some deep, heavy, tearful conversations going on here lately and I need to lighten the mood a little. So, I thought I'd let you get to know Leanna a little better. First, we pronounce her name Lay-AH-na. Or sometimes Lee-AH-na. In Russian it's more like LEE-a-na, but she always corrects us when we try to say it and to us it sounds like we're saying exactly what she's saying. She likes what we call her though.

The story of how she came to us just continues to grow more amazing each day. We didn't know until a few days ago that the Russian government had issued some kind warning about Swine Flu and had advised everyone not to leave the country if they didn't have to. So all but two orphanages in Russia closed off to New Horizons and wouldn't let the children travel. Only 7 or 8 of the 150-200 children that came for Christmas were from Russia. The others were from Latvia and Ukraine. AND, we just learned yesterday that Leanna was not the child Mark and Katie were hoping to host. When they called about the girl they originally wanted, they found out she was already hosted, "But we do have another girl..." and Leanna was the the one. Simply amazing!

She has picked up quite a bit of English during her stay here. I love to listen to her talk. She typically rolls her r's. So when she says she's hungry she says, "I hungary" with a rolled r. But at the same time, she has trouble saying our r in certain words. She can't say 'where' like we do. And she calls Mark 'Mahk' because she can't get the r. She also doesn't say e like we do. Abbi sounds more like Abbay and Toby comes out something like Tobay. So cute! Oh, and she doesn't say u like we do. When she says 'cute' it sounds more like 'coot.' When she's trying to tell us something and we're just not getting it, she'll say, "Iz okay." Her favorite saying is, "You crazy" (roll your r). In Russia, they don't use extra words like we do here. Like, if they have to go to the bathroom, instead of saying, "I'm going to the bathroom" they say "I bathroom" (but in Russian). When Leanna is thirsty she says, "I zirsty.' She has trouble with our 'th' sound. As well as our 'v' sound. When she says 'very' it's wery with a rolled r. We've found that the days we've spent with her, we get so used to talking like that that it's hard to speak normally afterwards. We had Leanna for the day on Saturday and the kids were playing tag on the trampoline. Somebody tagged Abbi and she said, "I it! I mean I'm it!" It's contagious!

And speaking of Saturday, we got to have her for the whole day! It was wonderful! Leanna has the best laugh. I will miss hearing it when she goes home. I hope that I've permanently etched it in my brain so I'll remember how it sounds. I love her voice and hope it sounds the same over the phone...we will get to call her! Anyway, Saturday was very fun. We had lunch...ham sandwiches, which Leanna really liked. She loves our cheese. She helped herself to 2 ham sandwiches loaded with ham and cheese (remember she doesn't like vegetables). When she made her second sandwich she was asking me something about cream. I didn't know what she was talking about so she went and opened the fridge and pulled out the sour cream. She loves sour cream. She proceeded to use it instead of mayo on her second sandwich. Okaaaay! After lunch I went grocery shopping while Jon took all the kids to give Toby a bath. Leanna just adores Toby and I knew she'd enjoy bathing him. I wasn't wrong. She had so much fun! Jon took them over Buford Dam and when Leanna saw the lake her eyes got big and she asked Jon if it was the ocean (she REALLY wants to see the ocean). Jon tried to explain that it's just a lake but she wasn't getting it. Finally she asked, "little ocean?" and Jon said yes, little ocean. She took pictures of the little ocean all the way across the dam. After we all returned home, the kids played some games and then went outside to play. And that was when it happened. The shift, as I call it. All this time I've been saying, "I want her. She's mine." But it hasn't come naturally to say I love her. I mean really, I barely knew her. I've been wondering when that shift would occur. Would it happen before she leaves? Or this summer when we host her? Or not until she's officially, legally ours? Last week we got to spend lots of time with her and got to know her so much better. Well, Saturday when the kids went out to play Jon and I were watching them from the nice warm living room window. They all got on the trampoline and after a few moments we saw Jacob take off his gloves and hand them to Leanna. That's one memory I know will stay with me. I'd be willing to bet that Leanna demanded Jacob's gloves :) but he did hand them over with a smile on his face. Such a sweet brother! Finally I couldn't stand it any longer and ventured out into the freezing back yard to take pictures.

They were all standing in a line waving their arms up and down...creating this image on the fence with their shadows.

Leanna thinks that Caleb is crazy on the trampoline...hmmm. She could be right!

Tickle fight!Sometime in those moments, the shift occurred and I thought, "Oh, how I LOVE this girl!" And then I took this photo (below) and had to go back inside because the tears were freezing to my cheeks.I'm finally beginning to realize how blessed we are that we've been able to spend this much time with Leanna. I made a new friend last week by phone (hi Christy) who began the process to adopt a child from Russia in October. Like us, they're adopting a child that some friends of theirs hosted last summer. Sadly, her daughter's orphanage was one that wouldn't let the children travel so Christy did not get to host her for Christmas. My heart just goes out to her...I know that must be so frustrating. But thankfully, we have been able to spend much time with Leanna. Saturday was the best time we've had with her yet. She just fits. She belongs with us. It's so obvious (and not just to us!). Leanna loves to joke around with people, which is a good thing in this family!

Okay, so some of you have asked some questions about Leanna. She is 13 (which we learned this weekend may or may not be accurate), will be 14 in April. She's in one of the best (whatever that means) orphanages (she calls it a 'childrens home') in St. Petersburg, Russia, . We do know she gets plenty to eat. She was telling us on Saturday about her menu. She usually has a sandwich for breakfast and then has a morning snack of fruit and cookies. Lunch is usually something like chicken, macaroni, sometimes rice, lots of potatoes, etc. Then another snack. Then dinner in the evening. I don't think she said what they eat for dinner. She is very bright and has to keep her grades up in order to stay in her orphanage. She said her English teacher is from America so I wonder if it's a missionary. I *think* when we take our first trip to Russia we'll get to see where she lives and meet her teachers. And that's also when we'll get full disclosure about Leanna's history. New, or should I say different, information came to light after she arrived here, so we're really not sure about all of her family and history. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say anything about that, so I'll just say that she's been in the orphanage for a year.

Many of you have also asked about the timeline...when will she legally be ours? Well, I was told that if everything went like clockwork, we could technically have her as soon as this summer (in which case we wouldn't need to host her through New Horizons). But there's an internal struggle going on inside me. One part of me says it's ridiculous to even hope to have her that soon. The average time to adopt from Russia is about a year. The other part of me keeps replaying Ephesians 3:20 in my head, which says God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. Oh me, of little faith! Increase my faith, Lord!

To close this update, here are some words that have been used to describe Leanna: spunky, fun, stubborn, energetic, cute, playful, funny, expressive.

Show me the money!

Well, it's begun. The paperwork. I knew there would be tons of paperwork, but I had no idea I would feel this overwhelmed. There is so much we need to do to complete our homestudy, which is the first step in the process to bring Leanna home. Just to name a few things that were added to my to-do list yesterday...

All 5 of us need to have a statement from our physicians saying we're healthy and the kids immunizations are up-to-date. And when I say 'statement,' I mean the doctor will have a 3 page form to fill out. I made the kids appointments yesterday. Still need to make mine. I have to find a new doctor (don't you just love insurance companies?) so I'll pick someone over the weekend and get my appointment scheduled.

We will also need to have our septic tank pumped since it's been more than 5 years. That's one little expense we weren't quite prepared for.

Jon and I will each need to get fingerprinted a few times to send off to the GBI and FBI. This we need to do ASAP as it may take a month or more to get the reports back from the FBI. We can't send anything to Russia to formally apply for adoption until the homestudy is complete.

The rest is really just gathering and copying documents...pet vaccinations, health insurance cards, birth certificates, marriage certificate, Federal Tax Return, etc. And the paperwork. Consents (for Child Abuse & Neglect and the Sexual Offender Registry), financial forms, employment verification, and reference letters. Oh, and the Self Study for Jon and I. Seven pages of questions like, 'Describe your personality, include what you view as your strengths and weaknesses,' 'Describe the family in which you grew up. Please include your current relationship with your parents and siblings,' 'Describe any change(s) you would like to make in your marital relationship to make it better,' (now there's a loaded question!) 'If you have children already, please give a description of them, their ages, personality, characteristics, interests, strengths and weaknesses,' (this alone could take me days) 'Explain your desires and expectations for the care of your child from birth through school,' and many, many more like this. Okay, this part alone will take me WEEKS to get through!

So, here are the costs coming up VERY soon:

$1,500 - Homestudy fee
$200 - Application fee
$2,500 - Mandatory donation to New Horizons since we decided to adopt a hosted child (we just learned about this fee yesterday)
$100 - Co-pays for our doctor visits (which will be another $100 very soon since we'll have to do it again in 3 months)
$800 - $900 - USCIS Form I-600A & Department of Homeland Security Fingerprinting (not sure about this total yet. This is based on blogs I've read from others who have done international adoptions)
$150-ish - Criminal checks and Fingerprinting for GBI and FBI
$300 - Septic tank pumping - not positive on this total yet either.

All this to say, if any of you reading this have any extra cash lying around, we would sure appreciate a donation! I'm not too proud to beg! Once we complete the homestudy, there are several adoption grants we will apply for. But the homestudy (including all of the above) is the first step.


I don't know, at this point, where the money is going to come from in order to bring Leanna home. We'll still have the $20,500 agency/country fee to pay in addition to all of the above. Plus the travel costs. I just can't wait to see how God plans to provide!

All I know for certain is that, whatever the cost,

she. is. worth. it!

Leanna - The Journey Begins

If you haven't read the next blog entry down, introducing you to our new friend, you should start with that one...

It’s been an interesting few weeks, to say the least. Some of you may not know that back in late September Jon and I were considering becoming foster parents. I really thought the Lord was leading us there. I had signed us up to go to an informational meeting with Bethany Services about foster care. But after many weeks of praying and seeking, Jon still had no desire what-so-ever to foster. Not one inkling in him felt like we were supposed to go there. Lord, speak to Jon. Lead him. What interested him a little more was adopting a child from the foster care system. Well, that was MY end goal anyway (I’ve been wanting to adopt for years, but the Lord has never opened that door…) so I was quite excited that Jon was excited about this prospect. I was thinking about calling Bethany Services and telling them our desire had changed from foster care to adopting an older foster child when I got an email from them confirming my reservation for the Foster Care/Older Child Adoption Orientation. So I thought, ‘God already knew we’d be headed there and took care of that one for us!’ We went to the meeting and learned some sad facts…there are over 500,000 children in foster care in the US and over 125,000 are waiting to be adopted. 125,000 adoptable kids. Right here in the United States. 125,000 children. Waiting for a family who will love them forever. I had no idea the number was so high. We also learned that when you adopt from foster care the State pays/waives the fees (one of Jon’s biggest hang-ups with the whole thing is the money…I’m sure you’ve all heard how expensive it is to adopt) so I thought, “Surely this little tidbit will push Jon over the edge and he’ll jump right in. No problem.” Well, that didn’t quite seal the deal for him. Lord, help me be patient. We also learned that all children in the foster care system ages 8 & up are considered ‘Special Needs.’ Which means you also get money each month from the State until they turn 18. Over $300 a month. That was a surprise to both of us. I REALLY thought that would be all Jon needed to hear and we’d begin the training classes right after Christmas. Well, my ways are not God’s ways. How many times must He remind me of that? After we attended the meeting at Bethany, I started an email to several friends and family with an update. I hit a writing block and my fingers quit typing. I sat in front of my computer for several days waiting for the words to come…they never did. I still have the draft of the first part of it saved. It was never to come to completion… Lord, I don’t understand.

So, while all of this was going on our friends, Mark and Katie, decided to host Leanna through New Horizons. The Sunday that Mark told me I was VERY excited for them. For Leanna. I remember telling Jon on the way home that day, “I want her, Jon. I don’t even know her yet, but I want her.” At that point it was more a wistful thought than anything serious. I knew Jon would NEVER agree to a long, expensive, international adoption. But Lord, I really do want her. Then Katie asked if I would be one of their prayer partners through their hosting journey. Because of that, the Pierce family was on my mind a lot over the next several weeks. Actually, it was because of the Pierces hosting Leanna that Jon and I realized we wouldn’t mind adopting an older child. We were originally thinking about a younger one…not a baby, but maybe 5 or 6 years old. A child old enough that they were self-sufficient (no diapers) but that we could still ‘mold’ and have an influence on. But the more I prayed for Leanna, the more I thought, ‘If I am open to adopting her, why wouldn’t I adopt an older child right here in the US?’ So, that was the primary thought that led us to the meeting at Bethany.

So, the day of Leanna’s arrival came. December 13th (well, technically the 14th). I told Jon I was thinking about going to the airport to help welcome Leanna to America. To my surprise (because her flight wasn’t due to land until 12:30 AM and the next day was Monday and I knew Jon was in for a long day at work), Jon said, “why don’t we all go?” Lord, what are You doing? So, we all took naps after church so we’d be rested. You can read about her arrival below. One thing I will say again is that that whole week, Leanna and the Pierce family were constantly on my mind. I thought about them when my eyes opened each morning and as my head hit the pillow each night. And most minutes in between. And I prayed. That everything was going well. That they were able to communicate. That Leanna was getting along with Ellie and Preston (Mark and Katie's children). That she was enjoying her stay. That she would find her forever family. And secretly, that if it was God’s will, that WE would be her forever family. That she would be mine. Lord, I want her. Jon came home every night that week and the first question he’d ask was if I’d heard anything from Katie. How was it going? His thoughts were also consumed with Leanna. Lord, do I dare hope for her? Finally, as the week came to an end, I asked Katie for an update and we made a lunch date for Sunday after church. That’s all in the blog entry too. What I left out was the conversation on the way home from our lunch date. “I want her, Jon.” Nervous smile from Jon…Lord, please cause Jon to want her, too. That week I had conversations with the kids individually and corporately, about how they would feel if we were to adopt. The questions were very general at first and then I worked my around to Leanna specifically. They all decided it would be good to adopt a girl so Abbi could have a sister. They all liked the idea of adopting Leanna. Thank you, Lord.

BUT…I didn’t know what Mark and Katie were thinking and feeling. Before Leanna came, I had asked Mark about them adopting her and he said he was fully prepared to do so if that’s where God led. So after getting to know her a little bit, what were they thinking? Did they want her? Were their hearts being pulled to adopt Leanna? Was God leading them to adopt her? The next Sunday at church (the Sunday after Christmas) I casually asked Katie about that. Were they thinking about adopting her? That’s really Katie’s story to tell. I’ll just say that she said she wasn’t feeling it. Lord, I am so relieved. Thank you. I felt really bad afterwards because Katie cried and it obviously grieved her that she wasn’t feeling it. She knows Leanna deserves a forever family. We had Jon’s parents with us that day and just like all our meal conversations had lately, the lunch-time discussion turned to Leanna. Jon’s parents had no idea we were thinking about adopting Leanna (mostly because Jon just wasn’t ‘there’ yet). His mom made a comment about Leanna resembling me and how “I could be her mother.” Lord? Are You telling me something? She’s not the only one who commented on Leanna resembling me. Jon said he just knew Mark and Katie would end up adopting her and I said, “I don’t know,” and relayed Katie’s words about not having a peace about it. Is she mine, Lord? Jon’s reply was, “Oh no…you know what that means!” While his poor mother is looking at us not having a clue what he’s talking about. Yes, I know what that means! Katie’s not feeling it because she’s OURS! He followed that with a joking, “Let’s just do it…we have the back bedroom almost cleaned out anyway.” (We had begun cleaning it out for our foster child.) My answer was, “Don’t tease me, Jon. You know I’ve wanted her from the beginning.” We then had a more serious talk about it and Jon shared that he was worried that it would just be awkward for us to adopt her after she’s spent all this time with the Pierces. What if she wants THEM to be her family and we adopt her and then she still sees the Pierces every week at church. I reminded him that it’s not like she’d go straight from their house to ours…she has to go back to Russia and it would take months before we could bring her home. I really don’t think it would be awkward. PLUS, we can (and plan to) host Leanna this summer through New Horizons.

Okay, I know this is long and I’m trying to wrap it up. We had the Pierces over for dinner last Thursday so we could talk about some of the above concerns. Through that it became obvious (to me, anyway) that above all, we each want God’s will and also for Leanna to have a forever family. Whether that’s the Evans family or the Pierce family or any other family. Please Lord, let it be OUR family. After dinner we went to Katie’s mom’s house to celebrate the New Year and had a wonderful time. We all got to know Leanna a little better…the adjective we’ve come to use for her is ‘spunky.’ My desire to keep her just continues to grow. On our way home that night Jon asked the kids, now that they had gotten to know Leanna a little better, if they still felt okay about her possibly becoming their sister. Jon received a unanimous YES! But he still wasn’t ‘there’ yet. Please Lord, tell Jon she’s ours. He told Katie that night that he wasn’t anywhere near being able to commit to adopting her. Lord, help me be patient. Well, the next day Katie brought the kids over for a little while to play. Jon and I asked Katie many more questions about Leanna. They left and we headed out to dinner. We were sitting there waiting for our food and then this odd expression came over Jon’s face. Are You talking to him, Lord? I asked him what was wrong and he said, 'I'm suddenly feeling very comfortable with this whole thing.' I said, 'You mean the adoption thing in general or one particular person?' He said, 'all of it. Her.' THANK YOU, FATHER! So we discussed it just a little over dinner. The next day, Katie asked me if she could let New Horizons know we were thinking about adopting Leanna in her weekly report. I went upstairs to ask Jon knowing this was really going to freak him out. Give me the words, Lord. Be with me if he says ‘no.’ So I told him that Katie has to answer this question every week and we could pray about it more this week before giving an answer. But, to my utter amazement and delight, he said “yes” Katie could tell them we’re thinking about it. Then he said, “Oh by the way, I just ordered a Learn to Speak Russian program for us.” Lord, is this really happening? THANK YOU!

So, knowing all of this, Katie is graciously sharing Leanna with us so we can get to know her better and vice versa. We’ll be spending as much time with her as we can before her departure on the 14th. Leanna has taken over 300 pictures since her arrival and needed a little coaching in scrapbooking them. She received lots of scrapbooking goodies for Christmas and was very anxious to get started. Katie is not a scrapbooker but knew I was so we arranged for Leanna to come home with last Sunday after church so I could help her. She didn’t need (or should I say ‘want’) much assistance with her scrapbooks and soon we were elbow deep in photos and cardstock. We spent a very fun afternoon with Leanna and the time went WAY too fast. We met the Pierces for dinner last night and on the way home, Jon asked me what the first step is to adopt Leanna. Lord, I am overwhelmed. You have been so faithful. You have answered my requests so quickly.

It’s very difficult to verbalize what I’m feeling. My heart overflows. God has shown Himself so amazingly just since Thursday. Only He could’ve moved Jon from being nowhere near ready to adopt Leanna to him giving permission to tell New Horizons we’re thinking about it. In just two days. I’ve cried myself to sleep several nights at the thought of her returning to Russia. One of those nights, my crying turned into praying. I prayed like never before and experienced the most amazing thing. God was there. I don’t mean just there…He was almost tangible. Even during my depression when I was on my knees every single day crying out to God I did not experience Him like I did a few nights ago. I’ve never felt like I could reach out and touch Him until that night. I’ve kept most of my thoughts and feelings (and tears) between me and God, mostly so Jon wouldn’t feel pressured. I don’t want him to agree to this just because I want it so desperately. I’ve been praying, begging and pleading with the Lord to move in Jon and stir his heart towards Leanna. If it is His will. I had to surrender to that a few days ago. Above all, I want what God wants…God, help me want what You want.

And yet…I know Leanna is mine. I know it like I know that Jacob, Caleb and Abbi are mine. So how am I supposed to let her return to Russia? What am I supposed to do this year (or however long it takes) until I can go there and bring her home? I found a blog the other day of someone who began the process to adopt from Russia at this time last year and their first (of 2 or 3) trip to Russia wasn’t until November. How am I supposed to wait that long? Or longer? I am filled with excitement and sorrow all in one. And how long do I have to wait to tell Leanna we are hers and she is ours? I’ve looked at her several times over the past few days and thought, “this is my girl.” How do I let her go? I am in such agony. The pain is unbelievable considering I just met her 3 weeks ago.

Not to mention, where in the world will the money come from? The average cost to adopt from Russia is $35,000 and I don’t believe that includes the travel expenses. Which will be 2 or 3 trips to Russia. And it looks like Russia will determine our court dates…what if Jon has a business trip scheduled at the same time? Or it gets scheduled at the end of the month, when his boss never allows him to be gone? Or what if he can’t stay as long as necessary to complete everything? What if, what if, what if?

I know some of our friends and family will think we’re crazy. I know many will ask us why we don’t just adopt from foster care like we originally planned. I’ve asked myself that same question over and over. Doing it that way is FREE afterall and we wouldn’t have to ask people to help us financially. I know. I know. This makes no sense. And yet…it makes complete sense.

Well, I’ve been working on this off and on all day. If you’ve read this whole thing, you’re a true friend.

I’ll close with part of our dinner conversation the other night…
Jon – “So, we need to find out how to get the process started.”
Me – “Really? Are you sure?”
Jon – “Yes.”
Me – “Do you feel like Leanna is yours?”
Jon – hesitates “Yes. But that leads to uncomfortable thoughts. I feel responsible for her now. And I have to let her return to Russia and I won’t be there to protect her and care for her. How am I supposed to deal with that?” Welcome to my world…

And so it begins.

Jon has been giving the kids Russian lessons each night before bed.