I've been meaning to start a journal to keep track of Vera's tantrums. But it's hard to know exactly what to keep track of. Anything could be a trigger, so what do I write down? We think we've stumbled on to a big clue.
Sugar.
The Friday before Valentine's Day, the kids and I went to a Valentine party with an awesome homeschool group. Lots of fun and sugar was involved. After lunch, Vera had a sprinkle covered marshmallow and a cookie. Vera participated in her first Valentine exchange and kept asking "Why peepa give me pwesents?" She had a blast! She came home with lots of candy that we put in a ziploc bag and tucked safely in one of her dresser drawers. Sometime after we got home that day, Vera had a huge tantrum. She hadn't had one like that in awhile and I was wondering what in the world set it off.
Vera's Valentine Stash.
By my estimations this is the equivalent of about 3 dozen tantrums.
"Vera, why did you have a timeout?"
"Because Mommy..."
"No, your timeout was not Mommy's fault. Why did you have a timeout?"
"Because Mommy..."
"Vera, you did not have a timeout because of Mommy. Why did you have a timeout?"
Finally, Vera lowered her face and stuck out her bottom lip - "Me no obey Mommy."
Finally, Vera lowered her face and stuck out her bottom lip - "Me no obey Mommy."
It's been helpful (we think) to help Vera understand that her choices can have consequences or her choices can have blessings. In the beginning she just didn't get (or pretended not to get) that her consequences were a result of HER choices. She used to blame everything on anyone else, including the cat or dog.
Anyway, Vera knew exactly why I had taken away her candy. And then she told me
"In Ukraine, me scream me get candy."
Bingo!
Do you remember what the nannies at Vera's baby house would do when she had a tantrum?
They would give her candy if she quit screaming.
Do you remember a few months ago when I figured out what Vera would ask for during her screaming tantrums?
Yep. Candy.
Hmmmm...even after this little statement from Vera, it didn't click with me. As I said, I'm a little slow these days. Perhaps I need some candy.
Anyway, Jon had been in and out of town and I hadn't been able to tell him yet about my sugar/tantrum theory. We went out to lunch last Friday and Jon got cookies for all of us. He gave Vera half a cookie and I made a mental note to talk to Jon later about Vera and sweets and my new suspicion. I didn't have to worry about remembering. Vera reminded me. I asked Jon to stop at Home Depot after lunch so I could run in and get some paint. When I came out of Home Depot, I could hear it. The screaming. This girl has some lungs, let me tell you! I got in the van and Jon said he didn't know what had set it off. Well, he knew, but it shouldn't have led to the screaming. I told him I knew exactly why she was screaming and that I'd tell him when we got home and he could hear me. She screamed the whole way home. Lovely.
As Jon and I were talking about it later, I remembered the conversation where Vera told me that in Ukraine when she screamed she would get candy. I said it's interesting that now she gets candy and inevitably has a screaming fit shortly afterwards. There must be a connection somewhere, don't you think? It just seems like it's related somehow...
In Ukraine, screaming = candy. Here, candy = screaming.
If any of you have any insight into this, please share. We're always looking for possible explanations to Vera's behaviors. Do any of you have kids who react this way with sugar?
A little sweetness without the sugar.
LOVE these girls!
My kids tantrum a little more with sugar, but nothing that severe. I know it's pretty common in ADHD kids for sugar to set off crazy behavior of one sort or another, though. I remember my mom having that problem with my younger brother. I know she read about it in some of the ADHD books, but I'll have to ask her which books were good and which specifically mentioned that. Anyway, he still got sugar, but only very occasionally. They worked out a pretty good system, though. They discussed how sugar made him act and how it wasn't good for him. Then they set up some sort of exchange system. Like when everyone else got a piece of candy or a cookie or whatever, if he gave that to my mom (literally or figuratively) instead of eating it, he got a certain amount of credit toward another reward he wanted (like a video game). That way he didn't feel left out and picked on when others could have candy and he couldn't, but my mom didn't have to deal with his behavior on sugar so much.
ReplyDeleteWe have found the artificial color to be an issue, especially RED. Tara goes from being on the autism spectrum to head banging, rocking and unable to communicate with artificial red. So, we don't have it in our house. We avoid sugar in large quantities also, for some of the same reasons. Then there are days like yesterday, when I couldn't tell you why Kat screamed for 3 hours straight--
ReplyDeleteI do agree that adopted kids pull whatever was left of your brain completely out and it gets replaced with something like the Smurf song. LOL
Praying God's continued blessings on your journey. Hard, but so worth it. Love you, my friend.
Check into red dye or other colors as well. Michaela used to have major meltdowns when she was a little younger than Vera. We discovered it was primarily caused by red dye. When I started researching it I discovered it was in many things I didn't realize it was in. I found it in vitamins, juices, medicines (cherry benadryl would make her so hyper), fruit bars, etc. I was surprised. I also read that if a child has a reaction to one color they could have it to other colors as well. We eliminated it and the results were amazing and much more enjoyable! We even had to quit using the pink antibiotic because it was an issue. Naturally red foods such as berries, tomatoes, etc. were fine. Sugar may be an issue but you might consider the dye issue as well. I didn't think I was feeding her junk, but I was amazed at how many products had it in them at that time.
ReplyDeleteOur kids aren't much for tantrums, but I definitely tell a difference when they have candy as opposed to when they don't. When they have sugar, they are more apt to fight with each other, disobey me, or whine and cry about things that really aren't that big of a deal (in my opinion anyway). TV seems to have the same trigger, strangely enough. :-)
ReplyDeleteSometimes sugar will have a stronger affect upon one child than another. The Brain needs to be "grounded" once a child has been fed sugar and starts screaming and can not control it. The way to ground the brain back into reality is to use something sour-salty. Such as Umeboshi Paste. I use to keep this in the refrigerator because I had one child that could not handle too much sugar. She could eat sugar but sometimes it was too much and she would have a tantrum. I would just put a little bit onto a spoon and just get it into the child's mouth. It is very salty and the child will not like it- but it is almost an instant reaction that the child will stop screaming. If you are without your Umeboshi Paste when a sugar tantrum occurs then try to carry a jar of olives with you as they are very sour and this will work in a pinch and if you do not have that then give salty potato chips- does not work as well- but it will help until you can give the Umeboshi paste to the child. Let me know if this works for Vera. Blessings Melody
ReplyDeleteUmeboshi Paste is the key and will change your family life! The Brain needs to be grounded back into reality. Get just a little bit on a spoon and get Vera to taste it on her tongue during a tantrum screaming fit. It works almost instantly. I used this with one of mine that was sensitive to sugar.
ReplyDeleteYou can also counter this affect too when you know sweets will be offered by having her eat "SALTY" potato chips along with the sugary snacks. This is once she is able to control the outburst and not have them anymore the "salty" potato chips will help that.
If a sugar screaming tantrum fit occurs when you are not expecting it and do not have your Umeboshi paste with you- Have the child eat 1 small caper berry or 1 large caper berry or 1 of the saltiest tasting olives found in the grocery store. I use to carry a jar of one of these items with me in my purse as we were always getting a sugar snack somewhere- and after my child finished eating the sugar snack I'd just give her one of these things and it usually prevented any screaming behavior.
That way you can also find out if the screaming is a result of purpose on the child's part or uncontrollable behavior which is now controlled by using a salty substance.
If you child does not naturally like caper berries- try introducing them on a salad and see if she likes them. OR if she does not like them.....then I also would talk to my children too and I would reference the tantrum and would tell my child if you wish to eat the sugary item then you will also have a caper berry when you are all finished with the sugary snack. My children usually happily complied since they wanted to eat sugar stuff. And eventually they were able to control their emotions and now I use only a mild form after a sugar snack of the salty potato chips- as sometimes my kids would experience a different reaction......one of mine would have a crying with tears reaction- which is also uncontrolable and you know because the tears will just all of a sudden start streaming down your child's face and you ask what is wrong... the child says they do not know- that the tears are just coming out. and you just know your child and why they are reacting to before they even know it themselves.
Hope these solutions will make a difference for you like they did for me.
Blessings Melody
I found your blog from a site about dysgraphia and didn't want to stop by and not say hello. I have enjoyed reading your adoption story. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that all of the episodes you described took place away from home, or after a "special" activity that is not part of your usual daily routine: the Valentine party, going out to lunch, an unexpected shopping outing during which Vera stayed in the car while you went into the store, etc. Perhaps the combination of extra excitement and change of routines plus sugar is contributing to Vera's meltdowns?? It does sound as if her past history with sugary treats is a factor as well.
ReplyDeleteGood luck sorting it all out - it's very encouraging that Vera herself is aware of her behavior and the need for change.
Vera is just beautiful, btw! She has such a glow about her in most of her pictures.
Susan in Ky
Cousin to 2 from EE