A Grammy’s Perspective

My mom came to visit 2 weeks ago. She was here for the twins' birthday and it was her first time meeting Vera. During her first afternoon/evening here, she asked me a lot of questions about Vera. Does she still do this? Does she still do that? Things I've talked about here. I usually said, 'No, she hasn't done that in awhile' or 'I can't remember the last time she did that.' It made me realize just how far we've come in our short 4 1/2 months home with Vera. It also made me realize that I'm a very bad blogger and really need to keep you all updated better about Vera's progress. It's hard to see the progress sometimes since I'm here every day. It's good for me to be able to look back and see so many improvements, so I'll try to do better about keeping you all informed. Anyway, I asked my mom if she would write a guest post for the blog and talk about Vera through her eyes. What was she expecting and how does she see Vera? Was she surprised by anything? Mom agreed to share her thoughts with you.

Without further ado...Grammy's Perspective

Honestly, I was quite nervous to meet Vera for the first time. Amy sent me numerous e-mails warning me about this and cautioning me about that; on many levels I was not looking forward to the trip across the country. I was expecting a 6 year old, non-English speaking, crippled little bag of terror.

Well, my fears disappeared as soon as I met her. She was a happy, giggly, curious little thing and I even understood some of what she had to say (my ability to understand “Vera speak” would improve immensely during my four day visit). Once we got home, then the real fun began. She had to look through my purse (I’d forgotten that she likes to inspect these) and wanted to know what everything was for. Amy thought it was amusing that I had so much “emergency food”, but hey, you never know when it’ll come in handy. Anyway, that was fun and with each passing hour, I understood her better. I was really impressed at dinner time though. Wow, what an appetite this little tike has! And she feeds herself; every single bite! It took her a little longer than the rest of us, but bless her heart, she ate every bite. Amy says the only things she doesn’t like are egg salad and baked beans and she thought it was a texture thing. She went to bed without an issue and it didn’t take Amy long to rock her to sleep. So after day one, I was wondering what all the warnings were about.

On day 2, we just hung out at home. I watched Amy put Vera through one hour of stretching exercises and was happy to see that they were all yoga poses. Vera didn’t put up a fight and worked hard and chatted throughout the hour. She and I spent some time in her room each day coloring, or playing with her doll house (she doesn’t know how to pretend so I had to make all the figures do and say everything), or just chatting. She was enchanting! Oh I almost forgot…..seeing Vera come out of her room first thing in the morning is a sight to behold. I was used to seeing her walk with her AFO’s. First thing in the morning is a different story. Poor little thing, she’s really all over the place and needs the walls to keep her from falling; but she still has that engaging smile on her face the entire day! And she doesn’t want help going up or down the stairs; she wants to do it! It was interesting to me to hear her use the same inflections that the other family members use, especially when talking to Toby (the dog). You just have to hear her say “Oh Toby” and that tone has Evans family all over it. So day 2 ended with no tantrums or screaming or problems. I told the kids that I really thought they were making these Vera tantrum stories up! (Amy here - just have to say that this made Jacob and I laugh...oh, if Mom only knew!)

Day 3 was Caleb and Abbi’s 12^th birthday!
Abbi was to celebrate her day the next night with a sleepover and Caleb’s celebration was at a future day. So Abbi and Amy made a homemade strawberry cake!
That took a while, so we played some board games. Vera wanted to play, but of course, didn’t know how. She was good about not getting to play though and was happy watching the craziness going on. That night we went to The Red Lobster for a birthday dinner, and again, Vera put away the food!

On day 4 (my last full day L) we went to Target so Abbi could look for something to get with her gift card. I offered to stay in the car with Vera so the trip could be faster, but Amy said no, Vera needs to walk. And walk she did. It takes her a very long time (by our standards) to get from point A to point B. But she did it and does it without complaint and with that constant grin. We went into a Toys r Us while we were there and I thought Oh Oh, Vera’s going to want everything she sees. But she was perfectly happy just to look and ask questions and giggle. That night we ordered in pizza and while talking over dinner, the subject of Pata came up (my husband). She was very curious about him and Amy showed her a photo of him. More questions. One question was why didn’t Pata wear a watch? Vera loves watches and thinks everyone should wear one. So I explained, as much as I could, and hoping she would understand, that Pata had an injury and hurt his neck, and now his hands and feet hurt all the time; so it hurts him to wear a watch. All this time Vera was looking at me and her little face got sad, and when I was done she said……Oh, po (poor) Pata. I almost thought she was going to cry and Amy and I didn’t want that, so we told her it was OK; Pata was fine, he just can’t wear a watch. I wish I could have made a video of that, it was SO sweet. She had so much compassion for someone she didn’t even know.

So, at bedtime, I got to experience her first (since I’d been there) tantrum. (Amy here again - this made me smile. This was not a tantrum. This was what we call fussiness. My mom never did get to experience a tantrum or rage, for which I am grateful!) She must have cried for an hour and a half while Amy was trying to get her to sleep. I was worried that she was upset over the Pata story, but Amy said no. Poor Amy; I so wish I was closer so I could help her out. But I digress.

My journey must come to a close and my head and heart are filled with Vera. I told Amy earlier in the week that I don’t think of Vera as having CP; she’s just a little girl who hasn’t been allowed to grow up normally, as we know normal. The occupational therapy that she needs is just being a child. She’s behind other children her age, but advanced leaps and bounds during my four days; (not because of me, just because she devours knowledge and activity). While we were at Target, Amy bought 26 little wooden, alphabet blocks, the kind two year olds play with. Six year old Vera loved them. A few weeks earlier, during a therapy evaluation, Vera couldn’t stack 4, so the goal became 10, that’s why Amy bought them. After Abbi and Vera played with them and made stacking them a game, she was stacking 11…… within an hour!
Wow! Then they decided (with our urging) to try it with one hand behind their backs. This would encourage Vera to use her weak right side and make it look like a game. She could stack 4 with her weak hand! I was so impressed and proud!

So I guess that’s it. I’m not afraid anymore and can’t wait to see her again. And for those of you who wonder what it’s like, to suddenly have a new grandchild, who’s adopted, and you wonder if you can love that child, and think of them as your own…..the answer, for me anyway, is YES! In fact, I also gained a new grandson this past year, and he just happens to be adopted too. I love both of these newbies just as much as my biological grandchildren; they’re equal, as far as I’m concerned. Life is good!

Grammy and Vera having a deep discussion with paper phones. Vera's hand is flapping...she does this when she's happy and/or excited.