Hold on to your hats

Well, hold on to your hats. The 13-month-Evans-Adoption-Roller-Coaster took a 180 turn this past weekend and we are still reeling and are quite honestly a bit dazed and confused.

Leanna has changed her mind. She does not want us to adopt her.

We are not going to Russia this week for court.

Pause…let that sink in.

You may be wondering why. What happened? I’m not sure how much I should share, so I will just say what I know. Leanna told us that because of our rules, she does not want to come.

We knew going into this that it would be difficult to adopt a teenager. Especially one that has had so much freedom over the years. But we NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS dreamed that she would change her mind at the last minute. I mean, if we thought this was going to happen, we would’ve made many different decisions. We would not have purposefully set ourselves and our children up for heartache.

Along with this news though, there is an incredible peace. I can’t explain it or describe it. But neither Jon or I have any doubts that God led us every step of the way. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was part of His plan. We do have many questions. Many, many, many. But we can positively look back and see God’s hand in it ALL. It doesn’t make sense. And it makes sense.

I have had a picture in my mind for several days and God just keeps impressing this on me and I feel He wants me to share it with you. Forgive me if this is a bad analogy. I know that what we have to offer is NOTHING in comparison to what Jesus offers to everyone…

But here we are, offering Leanna love. A family. A future. Here we are offering her all we are and all we have. Here we are willing to sacrifice our normal, easy, predictable life for her sake. Here we are willing to lay down our lives for her. Here we are willing to go to the ends of the earth to bring her home. And she said no. She has chosen her own way.

Do you see the picture?

God is here offering everyone Love. Forgiveness. Eternal life. Here He is offering all He is and all He has. Here He is willing to sacrifice His Only Son for our sake. Here He is willing to lay down His own life for ours. Here He is willing to leave the glory of Heaven to bring us home.

And most people say no. Most people choose their own way.

Friends, I know this doesn’t make sense, but the events of this past week have made me love Jesus so much more. So much deeper. I invite you to taste and see that the Lord is GOOD. Oh, He is so good. His plans are good. Even when we don’t understand them.

Okay, so what now?

Well, we are praying and seeking. We know we are supposed to adopt. We know God has brought us to this point. We know we are right where He wants us. We have been asking and asking, “WHY have You brought us THIS FAR for it to end up like this? WHY did You provide SO AMAZINGLY two weeks ago if it was going to end here?” The only logical conclusion we have come to is that there is someone else waiting for us.

As I’ve been pondering all of this and more, God continues to bring Habakkuk 1:5 to my mind. It seems to be our adoption verse… “Look at the nations and watch – and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.”

Chuckle. So true. I would NOT have believed God if He had told me this was going to happen. I would NOT have believed that we would get down to the END of this process and Leanna would change her mind. I am so comforted knowing that God is not surprised by any of this.

Would you please join us in prayer? Pray for Leanna and that she will be at peace with her decision. Pray for Jacob, Caleb and Abbi. This is hard enough for adults to understand, let alone kids. All three kids are very sad, but Abbi is taking this pretty hard. She could not wait to have a sister. Her little heart is broken. Pray for clarity, discernment and wisdom for Jon and I. There are so many thoughts and conversations taking place…so many possibilities as to where to go from here. We will need to make some pretty quick decisions as our homestudy expires in May. Pray that God CLEARLY lights the path for us and shines light on which path we are to take. Above all, please pray that God’s will is accomplished in and through our family.