Be AMAZED!!!

Most of you have already read this. I wanted to put it here on the blog because one day VERY SOON I will be able to open this up to the public again. One day VERY SOON Leanna will be home and I won't have to worry about visitors from Moscow reading my entries. One day VERY SOON I pray that this testimony encourages others on their adoption journey.

Not to us, Lord, not to us but to YOUR NAME be the glory, because of Your love and FAITHFULNESS! Psalm 115:1

Get your dancing shoes on! There will be much celebrating tonight! There has been all day as God has repeatedly shown Himself in ways that only He can do. I have been trying to get this all written down, but as I type, I get email after email of more donations coming in thru our Lifesong/Harbins grant. I have been crying all afternoon. Amazing! Today has just been amazing! And so overwhelming!

But let me back up to yesterday. I must admit I was still a bit discouraged yesterday at church. I had sent out an email on Saturday to lots of people asking for help and hadn’t had a response to it. Nothing. Some of you know about the horrible week Jon and I had last week. I won’t bore you with the details. I’ll just say that the events of last week had me asking, “Why, Lord? Why are You allowing these things to happen? Why now?” I cried at least once a day last week. Which isn’t the norm. The no-good, horrible, very bad week was capped off on Friday at 5:10 when our adoption agency called and said we could go ahead and send in the $16,500 on Monday to ensure we get a court date before February 18. Sure. Just send it in. Like $16,500 is no big deal. We knew the deadline was coming. We weren’t surprised by the call. We just thought we’d have the money by the time the deadline rolled around. Well, we didn’t need the money on Friday. We needed it today. God had it all under control this whole time.

Last week’s events also brought me to the end of myself. I had nowhere else to turn except to God. I have no doubt that is right where He wanted me all along. He just had to get me there. I laid a fleece out before Him and basically said that I am done. If He wants this adoption to happen, then He is just going to have to provide the money. I’m not asking anyone for any more money (and we all know how that turned out). I told Him that if the money is here on Monday, then we’ll proceed. If it’s not here…well, I guess we’re done. Friends and family have asked us what we’re doing to raise this money. My answer lately has been, “I’m praying.” That usually gets a raised eyebrow. Like, that’s ALL you’re doing? What ELSE are you doing? How are you going to raise the rest of the money you need? “I don’t know. I’m praying.” This whole experience has me asking many questions. Is praying enough? Is it wrong to expect God to answer my prayers? Is it wrong to expect Him to provide? Is it wrong to expect Him to be faithful? Was it wrong to lay that fleece before Him? To basically demand that He provide ‘or else’? Was that putting Him to the test? And what is the difference between putting Him to the test in Luke 4 (where Jesus says not to do it) and Malachi 3 (where the Lord says ‘test Me in this’)?

Many, many questions.

The only good thing that came out of last week was that we were approved for a matching grant through our church adoption fund with Lifesong for Orphans. If we received $2,500 in donations, our church fund would match that amount, giving us $5,000.

So yesterday…we got home from church and I quickly checked my email before we headed to the park. One of the groups I had sent the Saturday email to (that I thought I had no responses to) was a homeschool group that we joined just this month. One of the moms had responded to my email to the whole group and basically said that there are 250 families in this group. If each family gave just $50 to the Evans, they’ll have what they need. I also got emails from a few other families saying they were ‘in’ and had already donated to our fund. Keep in mind, we are new to this group and I only know 4 or 5 families so far. The people who responded are people I have never met. Okay, that got Jon and I a little excited. We loaded up the kids and dog and headed to the park. While walking I was thinking about that email and what a great idea it was. So I started praying that God would raise up $50 families to give. If 250 families gave $50, that would be $12,500! $50 families. That would work! A little while later, I thought, “Why limit it to $50 families?!” And I started praying for $5 families, $20 families, $100 families and even $1,000 families.

We got home from the park and Jon’s phone rang. A friend knew someone who wanted to donate $1,000 to us and needed the Lifesong info.

We heard from several more people yesterday who said they were going to donate and some told us how much they planned to give. We knew God had already matched the $2,500 by the time we went to bed last night!

Right before I went to bed, I got an email from a friend. She said she had money for me and that it wasn’t much, but it was all they could do right now. Guess how much she gave? $50!

I went to bed completely excited for today to get here so we could see God work. I KNEW He was going to do something HUGE! He did not disappoint!

The day started out like a normal Monday. The kids had band. I checked my email before we left hoping for an update from Lifesong. No such luck.

We got home and Jon called saying he had talked to Lifesong and our fund had received $2,200 (which means we had $4,400 total). Well, AWESOME! But, really? Only $2,200? What happened to the people we talked to yesterday? Did they forget to write our name on their donations? We were expecting so much more. Oh well. THANK YOU, LORD! We’re $4,400 closer!

And then it started.

God.

Answered prayer.

An AMAZED Evans family.

The following happened in less than 5 minutes today…

Lifesong had emailed me a list of the people who had given so far. I didn’t even recognize half the names. While I was reading the list, Leah (with Lifesong) emailed me again and said she checked our account again and we had received $1,500 more. WOW! Our total with the matching grant was up to $6100!

Meanwhile, I kept getting emails from people saying, ‘I just donated to your fund…’

THEN I got a combination of phone calls and emails that put me over the edge. Apparently more money had been given to our church adoption fund yesterday and our pastor called Lifesong and asked that they bump up the matching grant.

Lifesong agreed.

Our matching grant is now $4,300, which means we could receive $8,600.

Enter tears of joy.

Hallelujahs.

Dancing.

Laughter thru tears.

Saying ‘thank You’ is so insufficient in moments like this.

I quit emailing updates to Jon because it was changing every minute.

I emailed Lifesong at 4:30 for an update, but I haven’t heard back. I guess they were gone already.

So, as of 2:23 this afternoon, we only need about $5,000 more. But I have heard from several more people since then saying they donated or plan to.

Okay, see? Every time I try to give a total, it changes within a minute. Jon just received another call from another family who just donated $1,000. So, as far as we know, we only need $4,000 more.

So, go get your dancing shoes on and celebrate with us!

Sing praises to God with us!

Laugh through tears with us!

Thank Him with us!

I will say it again, because it is the only thing I can think right now…

Not to us.

Not.

To.

Us.

But to YOUR NAME be the glory, because of YOUR love and FAITHFULNESS!

If you’d like to jump on the giving bandwagon, use this link (http://lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html ) and be sure to put Evans/#1827. All donations thru Lifesong are tax deductible. If we receive more than the $4,300 for our matching grant, it will still go into our account. It just won’t be matched. After today’s $16,500, we’ll need at least $10,000 for our remaining two trips.

Me and Moses

I have become a bit obsessed with Moses the past few weeks. Jon and I teach 6 - 8 year olds on Sunday mornings and we began Exodus last week. This week I've been preparing our lesson about the burning bush in Exodus 3 and 4. If you're not familiar with the story, Moses is 80 years old when God speaks to him through a bush that is on fire, but does not burn up. God tells Moses that he is to deliver the Israelites from slavery in Egypt. I am fascinated with Moses' response. Remember awhile ago when I talked about Mary and my admiration of her? The angel tells her that she will give birth to God Himself and her response is simply, "May it be to me as you have said." Well, Moses is not that easy to convince. First, he says, "Who am I that I should bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" Reminds me of myself in so many ways. How many times have I asked the Lord this past year, "Who am I to adopt an almost 15 year old girl and be her mom? What am I thinking? What are YOU thinking, God? Who am I to think I can do this?"

Who.

Am.

I?

God responds.

"I will be with you." Of course! That's it! It's not *I* who will be doing this. It is God.

Moses, on the other hand...oh, Moses. I understand so well. He is just full of what ifs and buts, much like myself. But she's almost 15! But we don't have the money! What about school? How is this going to work? What if I can't give her all she needs? What if she resents us for bringing her away from all she's ever known? What if the other 3 resent us for bringing Leanna here? What if she doesn't make friends? I could go on and on.

What gets me about Moses is that God answers each and every one of his what ifs and buts. God gives him clear direction and tells him EXACTLY what to do if each what if happens. We're talking very specific details here. God is not vague at all with Moses. He says over and over, "If this happens, do that. If that happens, do this." God even tells Moses exactly what to say. I would feel so much better if God would speak to me, no burning bush needed, and answer all of my what ifs. Here's how to raise the money. Here's what to do about school. Here's how it will work. If she resents you, do this. If the others resent you, say this. If she doesn't make friends, do that.

I am truly praying for some sort of burning bush conversation with God and that He will be very specific with me when Leanna comes home.

Well, apparently God's very clear instructions to Moses did not give him confidence that He could do the task God was asking of him. After going on and on with objections and receiving all the answers in Exodus 3:11 until 4:12 (that's 23 verses), Moses finally pleads, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." I can hear his desperation. I can feel it. I think I have said those words myself. O Lord, please send someone else to be Leanna's mother. I am so inept. I cannot do it. Surely there is someone more qualified. Someone stronger. Someone better. Someone more pleasing to You. I am not patient enough. I am rebellious. I am lazy. I am scared. So scared. What if this doesn't work? What if she rejects me? What if she says she wants to go back to Russia? This task is enormous...what if I fail?

What

if

I

fail?

In the end, God sent Aaron, Moses' brother, to help him. But Moses still had challenges. He had big fears to face. God didn't tell him it was going to be easy, and it wasn't. It was far from easy. But for a long while (the rest of his life as far as I can tell), God told Moses exactly what to do and say. How I pray He does the same for me when Leanna comes home. The Israelites turned on Moses many times, over and over, saying things like, "May the Lord look upon you and judge you!" and "What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt?!" They stopped listening to him. They were ungrateful. They blamed him for all their trouble after the exodus from slavery. They argued with him. They rebelled. They were difficult.

Even with all the miracles they witnessed. I'm sorry, but I just don't understand how a group of people can be a part of things like this and still grumble and rebel. I would just be in awe. Like in Exodus 14, God drove back the Red Sea all night and divided the waters. The Israelites went through the sea on dry ground with a wall of water on their right and their left. Can you even imagine that? They complained of hunger so God rained down bread from heaven for them so they didn't starve. What a sight that must've been! They complained about wanting meat. God sent them quail. Without so much as a thank you, they complained about being thirsty. God told Moses to strike a rock and when he did, water poured from it for them to drink. Still no record of the Israelites being thankful.

That is the kind of people God told Moses to lead. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Okay, I guess I can see why Moses wanted someone else to do it. He had a clue (as do I) as to what God was really asking of him.

But through it all, Moses did not fail.

God was with Moses.

Through. It. All.

Every. Step. Of. The. Way.

God never left him.

The rebellion of the Israelites goes on and on for some time. I don't know how long, but I love what happens in Exodus 33. At this point, I think Moses would have good reason to throw in the towel. The people God told him to lead had become corrupt. After all they had seen up to this point, they quickly turned away from God and worshiped a golden calf. They bowed down to it and sacrificed to it. After they had seen the Lord's great power and mighty hand over and over and over. What were they thinking?! I'm sure Moses was running out of patience. I'm sure he was thinking something like, "See, Lord? I told you I couldn't do it! I've done everything You said to do and LOOK at them! I'm done. Finished. They're all Yours. See ya!" But just when Moses needed it, God revealed Himself. In verse 33:18 Moses says, "Now show me Your glory." Seems a bit bold, doesn't it? Moses demanding something from God like that? I can't help but wonder what was going through his head. Was it like, "Okay, I've done everything You've told me to do all these years. It's been hard. They've rejected me over and over. I'm tired. I'm empty. Now, what are You gonna do for me?" And do you know what the Lord does? I just love this!

Verse 19 says, "And He said, "I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The LORD.' "

All of God's goodness passed before Moses. WOW! I mean...wow! That probably made all the trouble worthwhile. I might add that right after this something finally clicked with the Israelites and they began listening to Moses and doing what he says without argument.

I can't help but wonder when my, "Show me Your glory" moment will happen. I know it will. It's inevitable. But how long will it take? What all will take place to drive me to that point? How many times will Leanna argue with me? How many times will she be difficult? Ungrateful. Rebellious.

Moses died at the age of 120. Deuteronomy 34:12 has some final words about him.

"For no one has ever shown the mighty power or performed the awesome deeds that Moses did in the sight of all Israel."

Doesn't sound like failure to me.

2010 in Review - God's Faithfulness Revealed

As this year comes to a close, I have received many "2010 in Review" emails from various organizations. Have you? Did each one seem to have a common theme? I thought I should write my own 2010 in review...it's been quite a year for the Evans family.

I recently did a little thing on Facebook where you could make a page of some of your 2010 statuses. When I did it, one thing crossed my mind. God's faithfulness. How many times had I asked for prayer, either publicly on Facebook or quietly to myself? How many times had God answered? Well, sometimes I am very good at wasting time...I decided to go back to the beginning of 2010 and copy and paste all my statuses into a Word document. Yes, I know, I'm weird. But I am also encouraged and so glad I did it. We have a large amount of money due very soon to continue the process to adopt Leanna. We need $16,500 in a few weeks and we have just over $3,000 of it. Plus we still have two trips to make. All together, we still need over $30,000 to finish this thing and bring Leanna home.

Where will we get the rest? How will we come up with it?

I

have

no

earthly

idea.

But I am not worried.

At. All.

Which is a new, odd revelation. Every other time we knew a large sum of money would soon be needed, Jon and I would ask ourselves, sometimes repeatedly, "What are we going to do? What if we don't have the money by the time we need it?" Which always led to prayer. Which always led to prayer being answered. Because that's just how God works.

We ask. He answers.

Does He always answer in the affirmative? Well...no. God is not a genie in a bottle. He does not always answer the way we want Him to. But He does always answer.

I'd like to share some of the things I posted on Facebook this year. I pray you will be encouraged as you read some of my prayer requests and also the ways He answered...sometimes very quickly. Most of these are related to adopting Leanna. There were many other prayer requests that God answered this year. Many, many, many.

Okay, so, here are 20 Facebook status/prayer requests...going back to January 2010:

1. would appreciate prayers today. Leanna returns to Russia. I ask again, how am I supposed to let her go? I guess the answer is that I have no choice. To quote her words yesterday, "I no WANT Russia!" My poor girl. Please pray for peace for all of us.

We did have peace. God did ANSWER my request. It was a hard, emotional day last January when we put Leanna on the plane back to Russia. We cried and cried and cried some more. But there was peace. Peace that her return to Russia would not be permanent. Peace in the hope that she would soon be home for good. Peace in God's plan that she is our daughter. Peace. Peace. Peace.

ANSWER to fundraising prayers - is praising God for an awesome yard sale today! Over $1,200 raised for 3 adoption funds! YAY GOD!!

ANSWER to fundraising prayers - received an anonymous envelope at co-op today. Full of cash for our adoption fund. $400 to be exact. All I could do was cry. David's words from 2 Samuel 7 are running through my head. "Because of your promise & according to your own heart you have brought about all this greatness to make your servant know it. O Lord God, you are God & your words are true & you have promised this good thing to your servant."

ANSWER - is praising God for "performing wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted!" WOO HOO!! Thank You, Lord!

(The above was related to a prayer request about Jon's work. I had asked our small group to pray for a miracle...and God provided it. If you'd like to hear the story sometime, I would love to share it!)

2. is speechless. All I can say is PLEASE PRAY for a miracle...that Russia will NOT suspend US adoptions. I'm going to go have a good cry now.

3. can't wait to see what the Lord does today! I think it's gonna be big! I invite all of you to come experience our yard sale. And believe me, it will be an experience not to be missed!

4. is praying that the threatened thunder shower will pass us by this morning. Please join me in praying that our yard sale will not get rained out!

ANSWER to 3 & 4 - knows you're all anxiously awaiting the results...our two day yard sale raised $1,860 to help with adoption expenses for us and also for our friends who will bring baby Elijah home from Ethiopia very soon! We give all the glory to God! WOO HOO!!!

5. is hoping all my local friends will come to our 3rd yard sale adoption fundraiser TOMORROW! EVERYTHING MUST GO!!! Come hungry...we'll have nummy baked goods for sale, too!

ANSWER to 5 - is pleased to report that despite the rain, or should I say downpour, despite the thunder and lightning, God sent us shoppers...from 6:45 am until noon. Our yard sale fundraiser yesterday raised...drum roll please...$1,300!!! God totally exceeded our hopes and expectations AGAIN! HE ROCKS!!

ANSWER to 2 - is super excited to announce that after many weeks of limbo and trying to figure out how to move forward, our homestudy has FINALLY been issued and we should have it tomorrow.

6. continued from previous - Next step...apply for USCIS. Looks like the average wait-time for that is almost 4 months.

7. needs to get back on the fundraising trail. Turning in more adoption paperwork also means handing over more money. We'll soon be needing over $2,000. Anyone want to sponsor a puzzle piece? Anyone? Anyone?

8. and ANSWER to 8 - recently asked a few friends to pray for wisdom for me. Today as I was looking for a Bible study to keep me busy this summer, I stumbled across this...an online series of broadcasts from Beth Moore. The topic - wisdom. Oh, how I love Jesus and the many ways He cares for me!

ANSWER to 7 - is blessed beyond measure. We were surprised with an envelope full of cash from some awesomely wonderful friends to help buy Leanna clothes & things for the summer. We were also blessed with a surprise check from other, yet equally awesomely wonderful friends, to help buy things for Leanna's room. My cup runneth over...thank you, everyone!

ANSWER to private prayer during Leanna's summer visit - is thankful and praising God for a good day. Only ups today...no downs. Can't wait to see what He has in store for tomorrow!

ANSWER to 6 - does believe a new record has been set. We received our USCIS approval in the mail yesterday. I verified with our agency to make sure this is it...it is. The pretty pink piece of paper that many people we know waited 3 or 4 months for arrived after only...are you ready for this? 34 DAYS!! We were just fingerprinted 11 days ago! AMAZING!!

ANSWER to many private prayers - finally feels like Leanna feels like she's part of our family. Tonight was our best night yet! LOTS of laughter, games, and tickling. She almost gave Jon a goodnight hug. Twice. Thankful for a good, peaceful day at home (without complaining that it's 'boringly') and praying that tomorrow is just as good or even better. Can't believe we only have 15 days left with her. For now.

ANSWER to private prayer - survived a shopping trip with Leanna today. Had to smile when Abbi asked if she could accompany us into the dressing room. Leanna smiled and said, "Abbi, you come. You my sister. You come too." I love the way Leanna and Abbi are bonding. Leanna goes into Abbi's room at bedtime, sits at the end of the bed, and they chat in the dark until Jon or I go in to say it's bedtime. Sisters!

HUGE ANSWER to many private prayers - is so thankful that I got to see Leanna give Jon a hug at bedtime last night. It was the first time she gave him a real, both arms around his waist, hug. YAY!! It's hard to believe how far we've come in just 4 weeks. Praise the Lord!!

9. is really beginning to wonder about this plan God has for our family. Prayers are appreciated. It's been a rough weekend and I really need God to show Himself in a very big way.

ANSWER to 9 - is thankful that His grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 9-10

ANSWER to 9 - can't say the same for Leanna, but I for one had an awesome experience at the dentist today. We were there for 2 hours while she had 8 cavities filled. The whole time, the dentist told me his story of adopting a 12 year old boy 6 years ago. He shared about how the Lord provided all his needs & carried he & his wife through the storms, valleys & deserts. Isn't it just like God to show up when you least expect it?!

10. NEEDS YOUR HELP! FBC in Gainesville offered us $500 for our adoption expenses if we can round up 10 volunteers for their consignments sale on August 27 and 28. I have 5 shifts covered so far. Please let me know if you can help! Shifts are Friday: 9-1, 1-5 or 5-9; Saturday: 7:30-11:30 or 1-5

(We ended up with 9 volunteers and $450 for the adoption fund! ANSWERED!!)

11. ‎& Jon are up to our eyeballs in grant applications. Praying for lots of money to start rolling in. Gotta bring our girl home!! Our first trip will likely be in October & we'll need around $20,000 at that time. Thankful for a sovereign God who's got it all under control. Thankful for peace after a 3 week long wrestling match. Thankful for His strength in my weakness. Thankful He can do it when I cannot. YAY, GOD!!

(We discovered that of the 5 or 6 grants we actually qualify for, several were/are out of funds at this time...but God is faithful! Read on!)

12. would appreciate prayers for Leanna. She's been in the hospital for several days with a fever that won't come down. She is still there and has missed the first two days of school. She'll miss tomorrow too. Her mood seems to be good though. She's complaining about the awful hospital food and is refusing to eat it. That's my girl!

ANSWER to 12 - finally heard back from Leanna. Her fever is gone, but she still has a cough and sore throat. She also said, "I wait for that day when we shall all be together." And she misses me and loves me. "Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land." Proverbs 25:25

13. is feeling discouraged today. Our dossier, that we were hoping would be registered on Monday, was not. That means we wait until the 27th. Having her home by Christmas may not be God's plan after all. sigh.

ANSWER to 13 - just got an email from Leanna that begins with, "Hi mom..." She's never referred to me as 'mom' before. I was not prepared for it. I'm still crying. How did she know I needed that?!

ANSWER to 13 is THRILLED to announceDrum roll please...Our dossier has FINALLY been registered!!Possible travel at the end of October.WOO HOO!!

14. would appreciate prayers for Leanna. She is yet AGAIN in the hospital...this time with stomach issues. She should be discharged on Friday but I've heard that one before.

ANSWER to 14 - is pleased to report that Leanna is out of the hospital. Maybe I should take bets on how long it will be before she goes back...could be a good fundraiser. Just kidding! Please continue to pray for her and our adoption process. We're still waiting to hear from Russia...or should I say Rush-huh.

15. needs you all to PRAY! There is a rumor that the Russian MOE is not processing any more adoptions this year because they don't want to exceed the number from 2009 (which has already been exceeded) & that the governor wants to reduce adoptions by 60% next year. Our agency is aware of the rumor but can't confirm or deny it until NEXT WEEK when their facilitator meets with an official!

16. can't believe this...now Jon has to head out of town TOMORROW and may or may not be back by Saturday. I may be sending out an urgent email BEGGING people to come help me set up for the yard sale on Saturday morning. It's too late to reschedule. I have 2 women coming at 7am, but I may need some men to help with the heavy stuff. Anyone? Anyone?

17. needs to know if anyone has clothes racks we can borrow for Saturday. We were hoping to use the ones we had last time but just found out it's a no-go. Anyone? Anyone? We'll need quite a few...

(5 small clothes were provided and we rigged up some sawhorses and poles for the rest. ANSWERED!)

ANSWER to 16 - How great is our God! Sing with me! How great is our God! And all will see how great, how GREAT is our God! Are you ready to Look, Watch and Be Amazed? I sure am! I'm amazed just looking at all that was accomplished today. God multiplied my time over and over. Still lots to do to get ready for our Yard Sale Like No Other, but I am no longer overwhelmed. PRAISE GOD!!

ANSWER to 16 - is exhausted. Worked on the yard sale for 9 hours today. WOW! We have GREAT stuff this time! Thank you to all who donated! THANK YOU to all who helped me today. I couldn't have done it without you!! We even made $155 from people who just couldn't wait until tomorrow...even though we repeatedly told them THE YARD SALE IS TOMORROW!

ANSWER knows you're all waiting on pins and needles to hear...

drum roll please...
our Yard Sale Like No Other raised...
over $1,400 - in JUST ONE DAY! WOO HOO, GOD!
We enjoyed it so much, we decided to do it again next weekend.
Did you just hear the kids groan? :)

18. just had an hour long IM chat with Leanna. She is sad & upset that we haven't come & that we don't know when we will. Please keep her in your prayers. Also, we're trying to decide if we should host her for Christmas. Pray for wisdom. It's just so hard to predict when she'll be home. Hosting will cost $2,400...which we just raised with the yard sales. But then it's $2,400 out of the adoption fund. What should we do?

ANSWER to 15 & 18 - JUST GOT TRAVEL DATES!!! Russia, here we come! WOW! I am stunned...what do we do first?

19. thinks Oksana at Go To Russia ROCKS! Visa applications done! Next on the list...travel arrangements. Advice please...should we buy tickets for about $1,200 each and KNOW we'll get there in time or use a friends buddy pass for half the cost but fly stand-by and take a risk? What would you do?? OR...do any of you have Delta Skymiles you'd like to transfer to us?

ANSWER to 19 - just loves it when God works it all out for you...and in ways you would never expect. The sister of a friend of mine just transferred 42,000 miles to us (for $480) which gave us 63,000 with Delta's 50% bonus. That gives us enough miles for TWO tickets to Russia for the lovely price of about $715!! The tickets are on hold until Friday while the miles are put into Jon's account. We leave next Friday...9 DAYS!

ANSWER to private prayers - made it to St. Pete! YAY! We are exhausted but trying to stay awake until a reasonable bedtime. Thankful we're not hitting Paris on our way home. But I guess Amsterdam won't necessarily be any better. VERY bumpy 2nd flight. My eyes weren't closed because I was sleeping...they were closed because I was praying for our lives!

ANSWER to private prayers - survived our medical visits today! SO GLAD THAT IS OVER!!!
20. continued from previous...Please pray we have our court date by February 18 (hopefully MUCH sooner) or we'll have to do some of that again.

ANSWER to 20 pending...

So. Do you see it? God's faithfulness was revealed over and over and over this year. Every time money was due for the adoption, we had it. Even when we thought we were $400 short in Russia, God was providing that $400 here in Georgia. It's amazing to me that we have spent about $15,000 so far and not one penny of it is debt! There is no reason for Jon and I NOT to believe that God will also provide the $16,500 we need in 2 weeks and the other $15,000 we need to bring Leanna home once and for all. He has proved time and time and time again that He will provide. I think (hope) that our lack of worry at this point is evidence that we have learned this lesson. I hope that the fact that we are sleeping soundly means that we have crossed this bridge and won't have to cross it again. Neither of us have been lying awake at night wondering and worrying about where we'll get this HUGE sum of money. We're both sleeping like babies. Like we haven't a care in the world.

I just finished reading God's Adventurer by Phyllis Thompson. It's a wonderful little biography about Hudson Taylor, a missionary in China. Throughout the book, Taylor makes many requests to God. And God responds each time. It's an incredibly inspiring book, especially when you feel like your prayer requests are just too big. One thing that spoke to me was towards the end when Hudson realizes that God is calling him to begin his own missionary society. Hudson feels the responsibility is just too great. Until he realizes that the burden is not on himself. "Oh, Lord, YOU shall have all the burden! I will go forward as Your servant, at Your bidding." With that prayer, Hudson's fear disappeared. He learned that whatever happened as a result of obeying God's voice was not his responsibility. 'All he had to do was go forward, asking God to send what was necessary...'

And so shall we. After reviewing all the ways that God answered our prayers this year (I didn't even share half of them here!), there is only one way to respond. With thankfulness and eager expectation of how He will answer our prayers this year. Beginning with the $16,500.

'Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.' Ephesians 3:20 & 21

Our Trip to Russia - Part Two

As you all should know, we have had many fundraisers since we began the process to adopt Leanna way back in January. From yard sales to puzzle pieces (which are still available for sponsoring, by the way) to yard sales to jars to fill with change and back to yard sales. When we got the news that we were to be in St. Petersburg in a mere 10 days, we went into a bit of panic mode…for just a day. Our first order of business was to apply for our Visas. It just so happened that that week the Russian Consolate had a two-day holiday, which meant they wouldn’t even LOOK at our Visa applications until the following Monday…and we needed them back by Thursday. Which meant that instead of applying for 8-day processing which would have cost $400 for both, we had to apply for 3-day processing…which cost $1,100 for both. Great. Then, of course, we had to arrange our flights. At that time we were looking at around $2,400 for both tickets. Some friends of ours had offered us their buddy passes…which would’ve reduced the cost to about $940 for both tickets. But it also meant we would fly standby. It was a tough decision. We only had so much money in our adoption fund. Do we go the cheaper route and hope we make it there in time for our meeting with the Social Committee? Or do we bite the bullet and pay full price for guaranteed seats? I did what any woman would do. I called a good friend for advice. She agreed it was a tough call. Then I told her that Jon had almost enough Skymiles for one ticket. We were a mere 2,000 miles short. My friend said, “My sister travels all the time. Let me call her and see if she’ll transfer some miles to you.” To make a long story short, after a round of emails my friend’s sister (who I met one time many years ago) had transferred enough miles to us for BOTH tickets. We paid the transfer fee and after all was said and done, we paid $715 for TWO round trip tickets to St. Petersburg.

But wait…the story gets better.

At the end of the week we paid our translator for her WONDERFUL services. Oksana is amazing…we both grew to love her over the week. After we paid her, we realized that we weren’t going to have enough money to pay our driver the next day. We knew when we left that it was going to be close...how much we had in our adoption fund versus how much we would need for the trip. We were short for a few reasons, but we really thought that since this was how much we had, then we would not need any more for the trip. We both figured that God knew how much money we had in our fund and He wouldn't let our need surpass that. Well...it didn't happen that way. We were short. About $400 short. We didn’t really have a choice, so we visited the ATM that night. There’s always the credit card, right? Although I don’t believe it’s God’s plan for us to go into debt to adopt Leanna. It seems like if He has called us to this, then He will also provide everything we need…right? But here we were…$400 short.

Meanwhile, back here in Georgia a few of our friends had been inspired to hold a yard sale and give the proceeds to our adoption fund. That is rather an amazing story in itself. They didn’t plan on having the yard sale for a few more weeks. But it just so happened that everything was ready, so the yard sale happened last Saturday. The very day we handed over $400 that we didn’t really have. Well, I guess it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened. Their yard sale raised over $400. $458 to be exact. Isn’t that awesome?!

But wait…the story gets EVEN BETTER!

Jon just finished working on our budget and getting everything input and separating everything we spent last week between adoption related and personal spending. Guess how much we have left in our adoption fund after receiving the check for $458? About $57. And guess how much we need right now to get a bit more paperwork done that Oksana told us about…$58. Once again, we have just what we need!! WOO HOO!!

I hope you will join us today in giving thanks to God…on Thanksgiving Day…how appropriate. He has provided our every need throughout this process. And I’m not just talking about financial need. I know He will continue to provide. He has increased our faith over and over. We have over $16,000 due in January and expect to take our second trip at the end of January or early February. I have no idea where all this money will come from. But I am waiting expectantly and eagerly for Him to show me.

Our Trip to Russia - Part One

Jon and I made it safely home from St. Petersburg on Sunday, November 21st. It was a long two days of travel home (spent 12 hours at the Amsterdam airport…with mice…but that’s a story for another day), and we are so thankful to be back in America. Where it’s okay to be Christian, Baptist homeschoolers. :)

Our trip was good, hard, emotional and exhausting. I think I had built up Leanna’s orphanage in my mind. All this time so many people have told us that Leanna is in ‘the best’, ’nicest’ orphanage in St. Pete. After our first day there, Jon and I said that if this is the best, we don’t want to see any others. The surroundings are…dismal. Old, rundown,dirty. It’s not terrible or anything…just very depressing. The bathrooms reek of urine. I wanted to cry when we walked into Leanna's room but I kept a smile on my face. All this time I've had peace knowing Leanna is in a 'good' place. My peace was erased last week. Leanna needs to come home.
One thing that hit me was that her orphanage is not a home. All this time I've had a completely different picture of orphanage life in my head. Like, I pictured the caregivers and cooks living there with the kids. Doing life with the kids. Loving the kids. Well, duh. They don't. To them it's a job. A place to work. A way to earn money and pay the bills. The orphanage is a business. It's run like a business, not a home. I don't know where I got my false impressions from. Maybe I just created my own little scenario to cope with the reality of this long process. But my glasses aren't rose-colored anymore. Reality has come. And with reality comes such sorrow and sadness. This is Leanna's life. This is how and where she lives. I needed to see this. No more denial for me. Leanna is NOT in a good place.
We got to meet Leanna’s great-grandmother, who took care of Leanna after her mother died when she was one. Two years ago she gave up her rights and put Leanna in the orphanage. She was just too old to take care of Leanna. Meeting Valya (short for Valentina) was one of the most precious experiences of my life. I held back tears that whole afternoon. I was incredibly nervous about meeting her not knowing what kind of reception we would receive. Was she happy Leanna was being adopted by Americans? Was she upset that Leanna would be leaving Russia? The women at Leanna’s orphanage were very concerned about how we would keep up the relationship between Leanna and her great-grandmother. How did Babushka feel about everything? Well, I think I could write a whole book about those few hours spent with Babushka. We arranged for her to be picked up because she didn’t want us to see where and how she lives. When she arrived, her head was pounding and she wasn’t feeling well. She hadn’t left her apartment in months. The orphanage nurse took her blood pressure, which was very high, and gave her something to help. Then Babushka looked at us and just started talking. She has had a hard life. She talked much of war times and her love for Germany. Her two sons live with her (or should I say they live off of her) and she told us almost immediately that she is sorry they are her sons. All they do is smoke and drink and live off of her very low, fixed income. She doesn’t know where or how they get the money for cigarettes and alcohol and I don’t think she wants to know. Babushka was full of class and she made us smile through teary eyes. Her dress was old and dirty and was pinned together with a safety pin. Her sweater was old and dirty and full of holes. If we thought for an instant that she would come home with us, we would bring her in a heartbeat. Jon and I both love Babushka and are concerned for her. Jon told her that she is now part of our family and we want to help her. We learned that Leanna does Babushka’s grocery shopping. We asked who did that for her when Leanna was here last summer. She said one of her sons would shop for her, “only if she gave him extra money to buy cigarettes." We asked our translator if there was any kind of service we could pay for to buy and deliver Babushka’s groceries. There is nothing like that in St. Pete. Babushka repeatedly told us to make sure Leanna writes and calls her…she will miss her so much. She repeatedly told us to make sure Leanna works hard…don’t let her be lazy. She repeatedly told Leanna to show us respect and not to argue with her new brothers and sister. :) I asked her what she wanted for Leanna’s future. She waved her hand and with a chuckle said, “She has her own plans.”

Babushka told us that next week would mark the 2 year anniversary of Leanna going to the orphanage. It was also written on Leanna’s calendar in her room. Tomorrow is the day. Two years ago tomorrow Leanna’s life changed forever. It is obviously a significant date for both of them. And for us, I suppose. It was a hard decision for Babushka to make. She told us that she made sure that Leanna was in the best orphanage possible. Which couldn’t have been easy for her. Babushka obviously loves Leanna very much…I hope I do right by her. I hope she is pleased with how we care for Leanna. At one point she told Jon and I that she believes God exists and shared a little bit about why she believes that. Jon told her that we too believe God exists and shared a little more. As soon as Jon said we believe in God, Babushka smiled and gave us a thumbs up. Oh, I hope I always remember that sweet image. I hope we get to see Babushka again. When it was time for her to go, Jon asked if we could hug her. Babushka said ‘yes’ and then said she was also going to kiss us goodbye…which she did! As she was leaving, she told us that although she can’t see very well (she could only see our outlines) she gets feelings about people. She feels that we are good people and that we will take good care of Leanna. I guess that was the equivalent of receiving her blessing.
Well, I suppose I will close for now. I write this partly so you can share in our experience and partly so that I will remember everything. There is so much to share about our trip so I will do it in parts over the next few days.

Butterflies and Dandelions

(I actually wrote this back in September...thought I'd add more to it, but never did. Must get on to other posts.)

Over the past few months, numerous people have told me I should write a book. My first thought is always, oh how I would LOVE to. Really, I would love to. But what in the world would I write about? I mean, isn't there already a book on every subject you can think of? Does the world really need one more book? Even if I put all my blog posts together, it wouldn't make a book. Not a good one anyway. Not one that makes any sense or that people would want to read.

Last night it hit me. You know what kind of book the world needs? The kind that talks about what adoption is REALLY like. It's not all romantic and dreamy, fancy and fairytale-like, butterflies and dandelions.

You know what it's like?

A roller coaster.

Up.

Down.

All around.

Sometimes it makes you sick to your stomach and you want to throw up.

Sometimes you do.

Other times you want to raise up both arms and shout, "WOOOOO HOOOOO!"

Sometimes you do.

Sometimes you cry in despair.

Other times they are tears of joy.

You never know what the day is going to bring when you wake up each morning.

Or if you'll sleep that night.

Most of the adoption books I've read are all about how to help Leanna when she gets home. She'll be dealing with a lot. I want to be equipped to help her. I want to be able to identify issues as they come up and understand the why's. I am her mom, afterall. I want to do what's best for her.

There are countless books on adoption out there claiming 'everything you need to know about adoption' and 'things you want to know before adopting.' Books like this are full of super and helpful information. I am not saying anything negative about these books. I have read or plan to read at least half of these books. They are necessary in the world of adoption.

You can go to any bookstore and find great books about adoption - domestic adoption, international adoption, adoption from foster care, single parent adoption, open adoption, closed adoption. There are books written for and by adoptees, adopters, birthmoms, infertile couples who choose adoption, mothers, fathers, children. There are books on making the decision to adopt, attachment, bonding, post-traumatic stress syndrome, the process of adopting, even post-adoption depression. There are books about adopting babies, toddlers, elementary age and older children.

Doesn't it seem like all the bases are covered when it comes to adoption?

While I used to agree, I don't anymore.

I recently had a conversation with someone who said something like, "Why don't they tell you about THIS in the adoption books?!"

The roller coaster.

The struggles.

The sleepness nights.

The exhaustion.

The doubts.

The worries.

THE RE-AL-I-TY.

And that's just during the adoption process. Once they're home, it's a whole new world. For some people, yes, it's everything they dreamed it would be. All sunny skies, happy tears of joy, peaceful music playing in the background, everything is wonderful. At least that's what they tell you. That's what they write on their blogs. I do believe though, that it's not that way for everyone. I know a few people who would agree with me. I think I just heard a wave of "Amens." Am I right?

There's an idea rolling around in my head...it seems better and better the more I think about it.

You know what kind of book the world needs? I can think of two.

First, we need an adoption devotional. The only ONE I found is written to adoptees. Wouldn't it be great if there was a devotional written TO people who are adopting BY people who have adopted? Written by people who have been there, done that and bought the T-shirt? Something to sort of carry you through the process? Something to let you know you're not alone in your thoughts? Sometimes our thoughts are confusing. Mine are anyway. Come on. I know I'm not the only one who is thinking these thoughts. I would love to have a collection of devotions written by people who have adopted. I've read many blogs of adoptive parents and found that God used different scriptures to minister to each family. Wouldn't you love to know which scriptures God used and how/why they ministered to each family in a particular way? Well, I would anyway.

Secondly, we need a book that tells it like it really is.

What adoption is LIKE, not like a manual as in first do this, then do that. We don't just need to know the to-do process...we need to know what to expect...from ourselves and from others. Tell us about the emotional roller coaster we will be on. The ups. The downs. Tell us this is normal, that we all go through it. That it's all part of the process and we will survive. Tell us how you got through it. Which scriptures ministered to you and why? What did you learn about yourself and God through the process? What did He teach you? Use what He taught you to teach us.

Not only that, but tell us what it's REALLY like when your child comes home. Tell us about the struggles, the reality of your new family life, so that when our child(ren) comes home and it's not what we thought it would be (or it's exactly what we thought it would be), we will be comforted knowing that others have gone before us and LIVED to tell about it. Tell us we will make it. Remind us it will get better. Tell us how it got better for you. Tell us about your victories and remind us there is HOPE when things are bad.

I guess that could all be included in the devotional...hmmm. My wheels are spinning. Maybe we really just need one book. An all-encompassing adoption devotional.

I would love to put together a collection of realities from all my friends who have adopted. A reality of the process and a reality of life when your child comes home. I would love for people to share something the other adoption books don't talk about. Something that took you by surprise...I wasn't expecting or prepared for many of my thoughts and reactions this past year. I've shared a few of those thoughts here. I'm working on another one now. I just don't know how to say it without being misunderstood.

Anyway, I believe God has planted this little seed in my brain for a reason. He actually just gave me the title of the book not two minutes ago. I'm just not sure about the timing of it all...Leanna is not even home yet. Do I really have any valuable wisdom to share with the adoption world? I guess I'm just putting some feelers out there to see what kind of response I get. Am I the only one who would benefit from a book like this? Would any of my friends involved with adoption be willing to write something for it? Is anyone willing to take off their mask and share their reality...those thoughts you never say out loud because "what would people think"? Or am I the only one with thoughts like that?

Hmmm...I think God is in this. Do you?

Look. Watch. Be AMAZED!

We're getting ready for a road trip and I have a gazillion and one things to do. I really don't have time to sit here and blog. But it hit me smack-dab in the face today as I was cleaning the shower that we are not toiling alone. Many of you are toiling with us to bring Leanna home. In prayer, in fasting and in giving.

Two days ago I gave our latest adoption update. I invited you all to look with us. To watch and to be amazed. I feel since I extended that invitation that I should let you all know what has happened. In two days. The amazement is too much for one family to hold on to.

First of all, I posted on Tuesday. Jon got a call THAT DAY from someone who does not read my blog or read messages on Facebook. This person had NO idea what I had written about. This person called Jon to say, "I will be sending you $5,000 for your adoption fund."

Just. Like. That.

Look.

I also got this message from a friend...

I shared your message with my girls this morning during our scripture/prayer time. They were both very moved and have decided to give ALL their money to you to help bring your precious Leanna home! I was stunned (and didn't ask them to do this or tell them that you wanted money, I told them that we would join you and Jon in praying for a miracle.) We also decided that the leftover amount of money from our garage sale would go to you too. We wanted to use it for someone in need or a charity and never decided who or what. I know it won't be much, but, it should help. Thank you for sharing your journey because you are helping my children and family be blessed by "giving". God is using your need to bless others.

Watch.

I got this message from someone I haven't seen in at least 25 years...

I have made sure to add your and Jon's names to the prayer list. And another fasting/prayer is coming your way. I'm very excited for you. I wish I lived closer to help with the yard sale, but since you're in Georgia, and I'm here, you're stuck without my help.

We received many messages of encouragement and promises of prayer. I have tucked away each message in my memory. You are all so very special to me. I am humbled and honored. More than I can say. Thank you.

We received this email today...

Just a quick note to let you know I will be putting a check in the mail tomorrow. I read your blog yesterday, Amy, and my heart went out to you and Jon!

This morning I remembered that I had $500.00 put back here at home for my "emergency fund". I decided to deposit that in my account to send to you for your fund for Leanna. I realized that it was crazy to have that cash laying around doing nothing, when it can go towards bringing Leanna home! I also had some extra money laying around marked for my next road trip, but wanted to send that to you also. When I went to get the $500.00, I found there was $600.00, not $500.00. I vaguely remembered putting the extra money with the original $500.00, but had forgotten. So when I opened the envelope, I thought, "Wow, God has already started multiplying!" Right before I went to the bank, I remembered I had a container of coins that I have been saving for the last 3 years. When my coin purse starts to get heavy, I dump it in this small container. It doesn't add up too fast, because I use my debit card most of the time, and rarely cash. So I collected the container, and any other loose change I had, and took it to the bank. To my surprise, the coins added up to $151.95! The total of all of that comes to $1136.95, which is what I am making the check out for.

I'm so excited that God is allowing me to be a part of His miracle!

Be AMAZED!