Butterflies and Dandelions

(I actually wrote this back in September...thought I'd add more to it, but never did. Must get on to other posts.)

Over the past few months, numerous people have told me I should write a book. My first thought is always, oh how I would LOVE to. Really, I would love to. But what in the world would I write about? I mean, isn't there already a book on every subject you can think of? Does the world really need one more book? Even if I put all my blog posts together, it wouldn't make a book. Not a good one anyway. Not one that makes any sense or that people would want to read.

Last night it hit me. You know what kind of book the world needs? The kind that talks about what adoption is REALLY like. It's not all romantic and dreamy, fancy and fairytale-like, butterflies and dandelions.

You know what it's like?

A roller coaster.

Up.

Down.

All around.

Sometimes it makes you sick to your stomach and you want to throw up.

Sometimes you do.

Other times you want to raise up both arms and shout, "WOOOOO HOOOOO!"

Sometimes you do.

Sometimes you cry in despair.

Other times they are tears of joy.

You never know what the day is going to bring when you wake up each morning.

Or if you'll sleep that night.

Most of the adoption books I've read are all about how to help Leanna when she gets home. She'll be dealing with a lot. I want to be equipped to help her. I want to be able to identify issues as they come up and understand the why's. I am her mom, afterall. I want to do what's best for her.

There are countless books on adoption out there claiming 'everything you need to know about adoption' and 'things you want to know before adopting.' Books like this are full of super and helpful information. I am not saying anything negative about these books. I have read or plan to read at least half of these books. They are necessary in the world of adoption.

You can go to any bookstore and find great books about adoption - domestic adoption, international adoption, adoption from foster care, single parent adoption, open adoption, closed adoption. There are books written for and by adoptees, adopters, birthmoms, infertile couples who choose adoption, mothers, fathers, children. There are books on making the decision to adopt, attachment, bonding, post-traumatic stress syndrome, the process of adopting, even post-adoption depression. There are books about adopting babies, toddlers, elementary age and older children.

Doesn't it seem like all the bases are covered when it comes to adoption?

While I used to agree, I don't anymore.

I recently had a conversation with someone who said something like, "Why don't they tell you about THIS in the adoption books?!"

The roller coaster.

The struggles.

The sleepness nights.

The exhaustion.

The doubts.

The worries.

THE RE-AL-I-TY.

And that's just during the adoption process. Once they're home, it's a whole new world. For some people, yes, it's everything they dreamed it would be. All sunny skies, happy tears of joy, peaceful music playing in the background, everything is wonderful. At least that's what they tell you. That's what they write on their blogs. I do believe though, that it's not that way for everyone. I know a few people who would agree with me. I think I just heard a wave of "Amens." Am I right?

There's an idea rolling around in my head...it seems better and better the more I think about it.

You know what kind of book the world needs? I can think of two.

First, we need an adoption devotional. The only ONE I found is written to adoptees. Wouldn't it be great if there was a devotional written TO people who are adopting BY people who have adopted? Written by people who have been there, done that and bought the T-shirt? Something to sort of carry you through the process? Something to let you know you're not alone in your thoughts? Sometimes our thoughts are confusing. Mine are anyway. Come on. I know I'm not the only one who is thinking these thoughts. I would love to have a collection of devotions written by people who have adopted. I've read many blogs of adoptive parents and found that God used different scriptures to minister to each family. Wouldn't you love to know which scriptures God used and how/why they ministered to each family in a particular way? Well, I would anyway.

Secondly, we need a book that tells it like it really is.

What adoption is LIKE, not like a manual as in first do this, then do that. We don't just need to know the to-do process...we need to know what to expect...from ourselves and from others. Tell us about the emotional roller coaster we will be on. The ups. The downs. Tell us this is normal, that we all go through it. That it's all part of the process and we will survive. Tell us how you got through it. Which scriptures ministered to you and why? What did you learn about yourself and God through the process? What did He teach you? Use what He taught you to teach us.

Not only that, but tell us what it's REALLY like when your child comes home. Tell us about the struggles, the reality of your new family life, so that when our child(ren) comes home and it's not what we thought it would be (or it's exactly what we thought it would be), we will be comforted knowing that others have gone before us and LIVED to tell about it. Tell us we will make it. Remind us it will get better. Tell us how it got better for you. Tell us about your victories and remind us there is HOPE when things are bad.

I guess that could all be included in the devotional...hmmm. My wheels are spinning. Maybe we really just need one book. An all-encompassing adoption devotional.

I would love to put together a collection of realities from all my friends who have adopted. A reality of the process and a reality of life when your child comes home. I would love for people to share something the other adoption books don't talk about. Something that took you by surprise...I wasn't expecting or prepared for many of my thoughts and reactions this past year. I've shared a few of those thoughts here. I'm working on another one now. I just don't know how to say it without being misunderstood.

Anyway, I believe God has planted this little seed in my brain for a reason. He actually just gave me the title of the book not two minutes ago. I'm just not sure about the timing of it all...Leanna is not even home yet. Do I really have any valuable wisdom to share with the adoption world? I guess I'm just putting some feelers out there to see what kind of response I get. Am I the only one who would benefit from a book like this? Would any of my friends involved with adoption be willing to write something for it? Is anyone willing to take off their mask and share their reality...those thoughts you never say out loud because "what would people think"? Or am I the only one with thoughts like that?

Hmmm...I think God is in this. Do you?