Niko's Playlist

Okay. It's official. I love Niko.

Jon and I did not sleep last night. Not one little wink. It's not that we didn't try. It's not that we weren't tired. We went to bed around 10:30 and we were both very tired. But we just laid there. Every now and then, one of us would whisper,

"You still awake?"

"Yep."

Sigh. Roll over. Try again. Repeat.

We finally gave up at 4 am and got up. I started with coffee while Jon got in the shower.

Niko picked us up at 6 am to head down to Nikoleiv. He had picked someone up at the airport at 5, took him to his apartment and then came to get us. We were all packed and ready to go when he arrived. Jon told him we didn't sleep at all last night. Niko replied, "Vell. Ze vay is long. You vill sleep."

Niko is an interesting fellow. We learned a lot about him. He has quite a past and has done quite a few things and been to quite a few places. Our conversation ranged from our families, our kids, storks, seagulls, Jesus Christ, the Navy, the Airforce, his diplomatic immunity, catfish, crops...you name it, it probably came up today.

Around 8 am I started nodding off. I really didn't want to sleep on the way. I wanted to see the country and listen to Niko talk. I love Russian accents. Right about that time, Niko pulled off the road. All I saw was a little sign that said, "Espresso." God bless Niko. Espresso was exactly what I needed! We didn't stop just for that though. Niko took the time while we drank our coffee to smoke a few cigarettes.

We got back in the car and learned that Niko speaks many languages. Russian and Ukranian are his first languages. Then Spanish, Polish, English and another one. Italian maybe? He speaks fluent Spanish. He knows Spanish better than English. Interesting.

Ukraine is beautiful. Green rolling hills. Rivers, ponds and lakes. Just beautiful. I would've taken pictures, but it was a bit bumpy and I was in the back with tinted windows. Pictures would not have turned out well. But Ukraine is a beautiful country.

We stopped again at 10 am for lunch. Niko ordered us chicken, mash potatoes and cabbage and cucumber salad. At 10 am. I'm sure to him it did feel like lunch time. He had been up since 3 am. Though chicken and mashed potatoes did not sound appealing to me at 10 in the morning, I ate and it was very good. One thing I've learned in these travels is that when food is presented to you, you eat. You never know how long it will be before you eat again. We ate outside with a very old, skinny dog. We tried to give him some food and he was very scared of us. We threw some food down and walked away so the poor thing would come eat. He was so skinny.

The drive was 7 hours with all the stops. If 7 hours in a car with your driver doesn't bond you for life, well, I don't know what to tell you. If 7 hours in a car with your Russian driver listening to American 80's music doesn't make you friends for life, nothing will. We cruised the countryside to songs like, When a Man Loves a Woman, Nothing Compares to You, Carrie, Stairway to Heaven, Smooth Operator, etc. If singing along with your Russian driver, "Living it up at ze hotel California," doesn't make you smile, nothing will. If seeing him play the air guitar to The Final Countdown doesn't etch a permanent image in your brain, well, maybe you weren't looking. And let's not forget, All ve are iz dust in ze vind. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm making fun of Niko. I am not. I'm not saying anything I wouldn't say to him or with him. I love how he talks. We bonded today. After awhile, Niko got tired of that CD and asked Jon to put in his Julio Iglesias CD. Sure. Why not? What else would we expect to listen to in Ukraine? Memories. We made memories, people.

Niko and us...we're BFF's. Well, until the next family arrives anyway.

We arrived in Nikoleiv just after 1 pm. We met Sasha, our regional facilitator, and moved all our things to her car. We liked her instantly. She is very bubbly and so excited we are here. She loves Vera deeply and wants a family for her. She told us that 2 other families have come for Vera since the other family that we knew about. One family was from Italy and made it all the way to SDA with the intent to adopt Vera. There, they found out that she has CP and rejected her. They never met her, and Sasha wasn't sure if the 2nd couple met Vera or not. The people at the orphanage told Sasha that if this family (us) doesn't adopt Vera, they're going to kill her (Sasha, that is). Sasha said that Vera used to want a family and since the first family came, met her and left her, she's not so sure anymore. She told us we'll have trust issues to work through. We already knew that and I hope we're prepared. We are so thankful we had already planned on staying for the 10 day waiting period. After all this, there's no way we could leave without Vera. Even for 10 days. Leaving her would erase any trust we're able to build between now and then. Sasha told us that they will not introduce us as her mama and papa as they did with the other couple. We will be introduced to her simply as guests. We were glad to hear this since we were going to ask them to do that anyway. Once we sign everything saying we want to go to court for Vera, then they will approach her with the idea of us being her parents.

Please pray for Vera. We already have been, but please pray that God is preparing her for us and vice versa. Pray that with all the visits we'll get with her, that trust will begin and leaving the only home she's ever known will not be too traumatic for her. Pray for her little heart to begin to heal. Pray for wisdom for Jon and I when we meet her on Monday. Pray we're able to contain ourselves and not overwhelm or scare her. Pray for a peaceful meeting. Pray for peace for Vera.

Sasha will pick us up Monday morning at 8:30. Pray! Pray! Pray!

A Change in Plans

Two posts in one day. Can you handle it?

I have to get this in now because we probably won't have access to a computer tomorrow. Niko picked us up today to take us to get our referral. We got in the car and he said, "Change in plans. I go to buy your train tickets and no tickets. All trains full. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, 2 weeks out...all trains full." Okay, so now what? "Iz okay," he says, "I drive you myself to Nikoleiv. We leave tomorrow morning at 7." WOO HOO!! And he even said he had some free time today and was going to get his A/C fixed. WOO HOO!! And the drive will only take 6 hours. WOO HOO! "It will cost another hundred dollars," he says. Hmmmm...we get to drive in an air conditioned car, during the day, that will take half the time of a 12 hour overnight train with no air conditioning. Totally worth a hundred bucks!

We still won't meet Vera until Monday, but at least we won't be getting off a train at 6 am, running around to get paperwork and then meeting her. At least I'll be able to shower before meeting her. And I may even sleep a little on Sunday night. We'll see.

We had a great time waiting for our referral. We arrived just before 3 and had been told there's no way to know how long we'll wait. No problem. We're patient. We went inside and there was another couple there that we had seen yesterday before our appointment. We started talking and enjoyed visiting with them the whole hour we waited. They are from North Carolina adopting siblings...a 12 year old boy and 14 year old girl. When they asked about our adoption, Jon simply said we're adopting a 6 year old girl. He didn't mention anything else at that point. We chatted for a few more minutes and their facilitator asks us, "Are you adopting Vera?" Now, why would she assume that just from what Jon had said? And how in the world does she know Vera? I said Vera must be famous! We chatted with Jody and Greg a bit more and eventually their facilitator asked me if I knew Rita Dixon. Why yes I do! Well, not personally (yet), but I do know her. It turns out that Olga was Rita's facilitator when she adopted her son from Vera's orphanage. Olga asked permission to tell Vera's story to Jody and Greg. We said it was okay and she gave a brief history of how Vera has CP, but because she is so smart and such a sweet girl, her caregivers have kept her at the baby home even though she's 6. If no one was coming for her, she'd be sent to a place where the children are forgotten. She also told of how the other family came for Vera and two little boys, met Vera, changed their minds and went home. Such a sad story. As far as I know, the two boys still need families.

The traditional photo in front of the SDA sign

For those of you coming after us, if a taxi brings you here, you may be like me and think you're in the wrong place because all the photos you've seen are the above (with different people, of course). If you see this (below), you're in the right place. The door (above) is just around the corner.

After we got our referral, Eugene took us on a tour of Kiev. There is so much history here. So much about WWII. And I was surprised how many ties Peter the Great (of Leanna's St. Petersburg) has here. Much of Kiev and Ukraine's history has to do with Peter the Great.

We started by going down a long, steep, curvy hill. It separates the upper part of the city from the lower part. It wasn't so bad at first. But the more we walked, the more I wondered how big this hill was. The curves made me think we were almost done. I kid you not, we walked down that hill for at least 30 minutes. We stopped briefly 2 or 3 times, but otherwise we were walking down that hill. And we weren't lolly-gagging. We were walking briskly. About halfway down I had a realization...at some point, we're going to have to walk back UP this hill. The car is at the top. Eugene eventually led us here...and all I saw were steps. We're going to take steps all the way up that hill? Oh Lord, have mercy! He did. See that big blue thing?

It was this...coming down to take us up. Hallelujah!

This is the KGB building. Eugene nonchalantly said, "My father, he was KGB."

This is the arch of unity between Ukraine and Russia.

Incredibly symbolic to me. Brought tears to my eyes.

Well, I have many more photos from today, but you'll have to wait. Jon needs the internet cable and I need to pack. Tomorrow will be an early, long day, but I am SO EXCITED! Tomorrow we go to Vera's city!! WOO HOO!!

A Fresh Perspective - and Pictures of Kiev

I went to bed just after 10 pm last night. I was incredibly tired. Jon and I got up at 11 this morning...that's 13 hours in bed. And I think I slept most of that time! YAY for sleep...it does wonders. The night before last I was awake WAY more than I was asleep. I needed sleep. And a fresh perspective.

So here it is.

I really, really, really hope that my post yesterday did not sound like I was complaining or that I'm unhappy with our facilitators. That is not the case. We can't even express how thankful we are to be here and that so many people are working tirelessly for us. My intent with yesterday's post was to let those families coming soon know about our experience. To let them know that if no one is at the airport when they arrive, just have a seat and wait...someone will get there. If they're not given a phone right away, don't worry. It will be okay! I have learned SO MUCH from reading blogs of people who have done this before. I don't know how many times I've said to Jon, "Oh, I read about this on so-and-so's blog," or "I think so-and-so talked about this on her blog." And for the most part, Jon keeps track of all the so-and-so's. I know one family arrives tomorrow and will be in our region on Wednesday. Can't wait to meet you!! I am one of those people who like to know what to expect. Everyone has said to expect the unexpected and I admittedly was expecting to be unexpected by other things. So, just know that I was not complaining yesterday. Our team is working SO hard for SO MANY families. I've adjusted my expectations and all is well. And we've already had a phone call this morning to tell us to be ready at 2:30 to go pick up our referral and also to see how we are. :)

AND

Let's not forget...we are not on vacation. We are on a mission. We are here for a little girl.

There. Doesn't her sweet little face make you smile? SHE is why we are here. She makes all of the little frustrations worth it. Totally! We didn't come here expecting to be treated like royalty. We would sleep in a tent for 5 weeks if that's what it took. But I am very thankful for our apartment.

So. Last night we went out for dinner. We've eaten in our apartment all week and I really needed a real meal. Someone had told us about a good Italian restaurant, so we went there. Oh man! I needed that! It was the first time I felt full since arriving here. We did indulge in dessert after dinner too. Okay...all you people who raved about the ice cream here...I get it now. I kept telling Jon we had to try the ice cream here, and we were both wondering what in the world could be different about it? We get it now. As Leanna would say, Nummy Nummy!!

I was a total tourist on our walk back to our apartment and took pictures.

Right next to the Italian place where we ate, there is a TGI Fridays

Across the street from TGI Fridays, we found a Papa Johns.

After I took these photos, I jokingly said to Jon,

"Let's go find other American things I can take pictures of."

Up these stairs and to the right is our little street

Our apartment building

The 2nd from the top is ours

And I just noticed we are the only ones with an A/C box...

Let me just say PRAISE THE LORD for air conditioning!

I've made a few observations...

Driving here is quite similar to driving in St. Petersburg. There's not always a rhyme or reason to it. The marked lanes are optional. No need to stop and wait at intersections...just pull out in front of everybody and hope that they all stop.

Parking lots are not necessary...any sidewalk will do. And if you stand on the sidewalk to take a picture and you're standing in someone's parking place, they will honk loudly at you. As will the cars behind the car trying to park on the sidewalk who have to stop.

If you don't like the traffic ahead, no problem. Just put the car in reverse and drive backwards, very quickly, up little narrow roads. Just keep driving backwards, no matter how far, until you find a suitable place to turn around.

We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

SDA Appointment

So, most of you probably know that we had our SDA appointment today. Our appointment was scheduled for 12 noon. When Niko brought us to our apartment on Tuesday he said someone would pick us up for our appointment. "Maybe me. Maybe another driver. Maybe taxi. Maybe 11:00. Maybe later. Someone will let you know." Normally we would've been given a cell phone when we arrived with our facilitators' phone numbers already programmed in. We didn't. Niko told us someone would bring it to us the next day. He had given 5 phones out on Monday and they didn't have any more. No problem. But...no one came on Wednesday either. Luda had called yesterday afternoon to help us with our internet problem. She gave me her home phone number and said Yulia would call and give us information about our SDA appointment. We didn't hear from anyone. This morning around 10 am I tried to call Luda to find out for sure what time someone was picking us, who it would be, and what we needed to bring. No answer. Duh...it was her home phone number...she was at work. So I sent her an email with my questions. Finally at 10:50 she called and said a taxi would be there at 11:00 and would know where to take us. Good thing we were ready! The taxi arrived. We got in. The driver got to the end of our street and asked, "Where to?" Jon and I looked at each other and said, "Uhhhhh...we were told you would know where to take us." Huh? Poor guy did not speak much English and we do not speak much Russian. We tried to tell him 'SDA', but that meant nothing to him. He asked us for a phone number but all I had was Luda's home number. He got his phone out and made a call (to Luda we assume). He got off the phone and said, "Iz okay." And off we went. I must say I was not feeling warm fuzzies at this point. All I've heard from other families is how wonderful all the facilitators are. I think maybe my expectations were a bit high. All the RR families have said that someone called them everyday while they were here to check on them. No one has called to check in on us. Good thing we're okay. Kiev reminds me much of St. Petersburg so I don't feel completely out of sorts here. I'm not trying to complain either. I'm just sharing our experience - one that seems to be different than most families have had.

I should probably mention here, that our facilitator team has 20 families in country right now. I think that is more than normal. 20 families at one time for one team. THAT is pretty awesome and amazing, don't you think? It's also a lot of people to manage. A lot of people to keep happy. A lot of people to keep in touch with every day. I would not want any of their jobs. That means that 20 families here have jet lag. That means that 20 families here have brains working on little sleep (mine included) and patience could be thin. The change in time zone is one thing...add dogs barking all night, beds that are not your own, and early sunrises and you've got 20 very tired families. Emotionally and physically. We're tired, friends. 20 families here are out of their element and it could be very stressful to some. THIS is where grace and understanding come into play. THIS is where we have the opportunity to love our neighbors as ourselves.

Anyway, we made it to the SDA building and found the spot where Luda said to wait. She said someone would find us. We waited there 10 or 15 minutes and then Luda came out and introduced herself. She brought us into the building and Jon and I asked her all the questions we could think of. Niko came in and gave us a phone with a list of everyone's phone numbers. He had to buy a new one, so they were not programmed in yet. We met Serge and liked him instantly. Wish I had gotten his picture. Hopefully we'll see him again.

We waited in a little room until after 12. Luda said it was very unusual to be waiting this long. That meant someone had a problem. Oh, please don't let it be us. I've read so many stories lately of people getting to their SDA appointment to find that their child is not available for adoption for whatever reason. I wasn't terribly worried this would happen to us, but it's always there in my mind. What if?

Finally at 12:15 we were called in. Luda talked with the SDA lady and it was obvious she was looking for Vera's file. She had piles of files everywhere. She went into another room and came back with a thick, red file. She pulled out 3 papers...each had a photo of Vera attached. One photo was of Vera as a baby. One was from when she was 3 and the other was taken last year. We're hoping we can get these photos at the end of this process. They were precious.

We were told we would be asked some questions, but we weren't asked anything other than, "Do you want to see any other files or do you want to accept this one for Vera?" We accepted Vera's referral and signed our names. That was it! It lasted maybe 5 minutes. Maybe. The SDA lady did say that Vera was one of their favorites and that Vera is ready for a family to take her home. She said they've been preparing her.

We were told that Vera's birth mother gave up her parental rights and put her up for adoption. Nothing is known about her birth father. We should find out more details at her orphange.

After that we left and Niko brought us back to the apartment. We had ham sandwiches for lunch and then took a nap. We're going out for dinner tonight.

For all of you families in process, here's a picture of me and Luda. Luda is the one who reviews all of our paperwork and gives the okay before we get it apostilled. She is very nice. At one point she looked at my necklace and said my 'decoration' is very pretty.

So, we're here until Sunday and then we'll take an overnight train to Vera's region. We will meet Vera on Monday!!

Our Apartment

We have made it to Kiev, Ukraine. YAY! Travel here was very good…no delays or anything unusual. We arrived yesterday at 1:00 pm local time. We got through passport control, got the one suitcase we checked and ventured out of baggage claim. We entered the general airport area and looked for someone holding a sign with our name on it. We looked and looked and looked some more. There were several people standing around holding up signs, but none had our name. Hmmm...what to do? I had no idea where we were staying and Jon's phone wasn't working. I turned on my laptop to try to find someone's phone number...I knew I had one of the facilitator's numbers somewhere in an email. Alas...nothing we thought of worked.

So I sat there in a foreign airport where no one speaks my language and prayed. "Lord...DO SOMETHING! We're completely stuck here! DO SOMETHING!"

About that time a man came in walking pretty fast. He had a piece of paper rolled up in his hands. I could only see a big backwards "E". I told Jon that might be our ride. It was. YAY, Niko! He apologized and said traffic was all backed up. No problem...we're just SO happy to see you! Niko took Jon to change some money and then took us to a little grocery store near our apartment. He told us where a few things are in relation to our apartment and then dropped us off. He helped us up 4 flights of stairs (no elevator) with our luggage and showed us around a bit. And then he was gone.

The entry to our building

Our door...#11

Living room

Bedroom

Cute little kitchen

View from our balcony

Just outside

Our nice, quiet little street

The area we're in is nice and quiet...it's very pretty here. We're in walking distance to alot. We took a walk around the city last night and again this afternoon going the other direction. Everything we need is close. We went to bed at 8 pm last night. We forced ourselves to stay awake until then...we were so tired. I woke up around 4 am and was awake until around 6. Then I slept until 10 am. Jon had just gotten up. 14 hours in bed and we're still tired.

Jon could not get our internet to work last night even though we were told to just plug in the cable and it would work. It wanted a password and we were told it wouldn't ask for one. Long story short, our internet is working now and I'm a happy girl again. It was SO hard to go to bed last night and not be able to let the kids (or anyone else) know that we arrived safe and sound. We had told the kids we'd be able to Skype last night and we couldn't. I hated going to bed like that. But there was nothing we could do about it. So I just prayed. God is good.

And speaking of God's goodness, my precious Jonah has a family!! I can't even tell you how happy this makes me! I have been praying for a family for him for a long time. I just received an email from Jonah's mommy and his family seems AWESOME! I love God and His timing of Jonah receiving his family. Our SDA appointment is tomorrow and I still had it in mind to beg Jon (and God) one more time to request Jonah along with Vera. But now I don't need to. Remember a few posts ago when God told me I would understand later why He was saying 'no' to me about Jonah? Well, understanding has come. Jonah is not mine. I am SO GLAD to KNOW someone is coming for Jonah. The only thing about this trip that was causing me apprehension was the thought of leaving Jonah behind. Now, I have peace. Jonah has a family. His future has changed. He will not be left behind. He has a family. HALLELUJAH!!

Our SDA appointment is tomorrow at noon. It sounds like we'll have to stay here through the weekend before we get to head to Vera's region. I'm praying we get to leave tomorrow night and meet her on Friday, but it doesn't sound like it will happen. We're just trusting God's timing and know that if He has us here for a few extra days, there's a reason for it.

I'll keep you posted!

Here and There

I get to wake up in my own bed 1 more time before we head overseas for who knows how long. Tomorrow I will leave my 3 precious, biological children behind for who knows how long. It's an emotional time, let me tell you. So many thoughts and prayers being thought and said.

I love blogs. There are several that I faithfully follow every day and another several that I check in with regularly. Lately I have been checking in daily with people who are in Eastern Europe right now to adopt. I'm sure you all know that there were two awesome victories this past week. Brady and Kirill both get to come home!

But there are other things going on over there...things that haunt me...things that keep me awake at night...things that bring me to tears just thinking about.

I know some people have a hard time with us going overseas to adopt when there are so many kids here in America that need good families. Some people have that 'we should take care of our own first' attitude. Some people wouldn't donate to our adoption fund because they disagree with international adoption. Please know that I am not judging anyone here. We all have different histories, opinions and passions. We're all unique. If you remember, when we began this journey we were looking at adopting from the foster care system. The need is great. Then God brought Leanna into our lives. I know all the statistics about orphans and foster care in America. Believe me, I know.

Adopting from Eastern Europe has given us a different education. First we learned about adopting older kids. We learned about the grim future that many teenagers face when they age out of the orphanages. Drugs, crime, prostitution, suicide. It is heartbreaking the things those kids face at the age of 16. Heartbreaking. I don't know anyone who would choose that kind of future for their kids.

Now that we're pursuing a special needs child, we're getting an even broader education. Which brings me to this post and the many thoughts swirling around in my head. It seems that every family who goes to Eastern Europe to adopt leaves a special one behind. There is always a child who grabs their hearts and consumes their thoughts even after returning home with their precious new child. I read about sweet mommas and papas who cry about leaving 'the one' behind. These mommas and papas then become advocates for these children. They holler and fundraise and holler some more until someone steps forward to adopt their one left behind. That or they come home and begin the process themselves to adopt the one they can't stop thinking about.

So, to those who wonder why we're going overseas to adopt, let me just share a few things that I've learned.

In Eastern Europe, little ones sit all day in wet and dirty diapers. All day. Many of them only get changed once a day. Disposable diapers are reused. I saw a picture the other day of disposable diapers hanging on a clothes line to dry and reuse.

Many children only get fed once a day. And it's not what we consider a full meal. Some children come home so malnourished they go from the airport straight to the hospital where they stay for weeks. I've read more and more of these stories. These little ones start receiving nutrients and their bodies reject it...nutrients are foreign substances to their little systems that are in shut down mode.

Too many children are starving. The families there now bring food on each visit with their child. The kids gobble up their food within seconds...some don't even chew which results in choking. Can you even imagine being that hungry? Can you imagine your kids being that hungry?

Laying rooms. I shudder at the thought. Every single blog I've read has said that the orphanage caregivers do the best they can. But there are just too many kids to take care of them all sufficiently. And there are never enough funds. So, the caregivers have to choose who will be taken care of and who will go to the laying rooms. Where they lay. All day and all night. You'd think that a room like this would be noisy with all the hungry, wet babies crying. They're not. The babies have learned that no one is going to come, so why cry.

Because the ratio of caregivers to children is so inadequate, the kids come up with coping mechanisms. They laugh when they fall down and skin their knees because no one is going to come comfort them if they cry. Biting is an outlet for anger...not biting others but themselves. Scratching too. I've seen several photos of kids who come home with terribly scratched up ears and faces. Some kids don't smile. Even when their family comes for them...no smile. They've been hopeless for so long. Right now we are praying for little Moira. Her sad little face makes me cry. Please pray for her.

Institutions. The thought brings me to tears. Many children are sent to adult institutions when they turn 4. Most children die within a year of being placed in these institutions. They are no place for children. They are no place for anyone. I've read a lot about one particular institution...the one Jonah will likely go to unless someone gets him out of there. Someone, PLEASE get him out of there! The kids who are not bedridden spend all day (if the weather is good) in a shed. They sit. They moan. That's it. All day, every day. They sit in a shed and moan. I could say so much more...maybe another day.

So, if you're wondering why there and not here, I'll tell you a few reasons.

First and foremost, I cannot find anywhere in the Bible where we're commanded to care only for orphans in our own country. God doesn't seem to care about the location of orphans. He just tells us to care for them. ALL of them.

Another thing I KNOW is that there are many people and corporations in America advocating for foster kids here. Our foster kids have a much better shot at a future than those orphans overseas. Our numbers are also MUCH lower here. Of the 500,000 kids in foster care, just over 100,000 are considered adoptable. In Russia alone, there are more than 750,000 orphans. And their population is less than half than that of the United States.

In America, the kids in foster care get to go to school. Most of the orphans in Vera's country, special needs or not, don't even have this luxury. They get no education whatsoever. Special needs orphans will eventually end up in institutions. Where they will stay until they die.

In Vera's country, the average income is less than $7,000 per year. From what I know, many people there would keep their kids if they could afford to. Many mommas visit their children in the orphanage and even pay a monthly fee to keep them there. I think many people would keep their kids if they weren't told at the hospital that they wouldn't be able to care for them because of their disability.

I've been told time and again that in Eastern Europe they just don't have the medical resources there that we have here. Here we have access to education, medicine, therapy, etc. that is not available there.

Although the foster kids and orphans in America may not have the best of circumstances, most of them are so much better off than all of them in Eastern Europe. No matter how you look at it. If the things going on in orphanages overseas were going on here there would be public outcry. There would be fundraisers. People would be advocating and raising awareness. Sadly, that is not happening enough over there.

But even with all the money, education, advocacy, therapies, healthcare, etc. that we have here in America, we still cannot boast. In America, babies can be aborted if it's a girl and the parents wanted a boy. Or vice versa. In America, mothers can have their baby killed simply because of his/her race. In America, where words like 'tolerance' and 'diversity' are touted about frequently, 90% of babies with Down Syndrome are aborted. The numbers seem to be about the same for babies found to have cystic fibrosis, spinal bifida, club foot, cleft palate, and other abnormalities and disabilities. Why do so many assume that someone who may have a more difficult life than the average person wouldn't want to live or shouldn't have the right to live? Did you know that a prenatal test for Autism is in the works? Thousands of babies, who were initially wanted by their parents, are aborted each year because something is wrong with them. Several words go through my swirling mind...discrimination, hate crime, hypocrisy. America has made it clear that children with special needs are not wanted. America has made it clear that a whole people group has no value or importance to society.

And yet...

Right here RIGHT NOW in America, there are hundreds of families raising tens of thousands of dollars, sacrificing so much time, tears, energy, to go to another country to adopt special needs children. Hear me, please. There is no orphan anywhere on this earth that is not wanted by someone. Teenager, special needs, infant, healthy, HIV+, Down Syndrome. They are all wanted. They are not disposable. They are worthy. America is missing out.

As we prepare to bring Vera home, I can't help but wonder about her future. What will I say to the person who finds out she has CP and they say, "I'm sorry"? I don't want sympathy...for us or for Vera. Cerebral Palsy does not define Vera. It's just a small part of who she is. I don't want people to look at her and see a disability. I want people to look at her and see HER. Vera. And all of her A-bilities.

So, I leave America tomorrow with many questions. Questions about our country and the freedom we are so proud of...land of the free, home of the brave. I question. I doubt. I struggle. I prepare to go to another country, where instead of special needs children being murdered in the womb, they are born. They live. They breathe. They suffer. They wait. Some are abandoned at birth. Others are purposefully put in orphanages with the hope that someone will adopt them and be given a better life. But they are given a chance. They are worthy of a chance. They are all wanted by someone.

Is it right that so many children there are hungry?

No.

Is it right that so many children there are soaked in their own urine day in/day out?

No.

Is it right that so many children there are in orphanages, not because of lack of love, but because of lack of funds or lack of support or lack of medical care?

No.

Is it right that so many babies there are abandoned because they are not 'normal'?

No.

Is it right that so many children there die without ever knowing how it feels to be held by someone who loves them?

No.

Neither is it right that so many babies here are murdered because they are not 'normal'.

Neither is it right that we take so many precious lives for granted.

Neither is it right that we can take the lives of our own for the sake of convenience.

For the sake of easy.

For the sake of money.

For the sake of comfort.

For the sake of reputation.

For the sake of choice.

There are things going on in Eastern Europe that haunt me. That's true. But there are also things going on in my own country that keep me awake at night. Things I don't understand.

Tomorrow I leave my country and head to Vera's country...with many questions.

What's in a Name

We finally decided what Vera's middle name will be. It was a big decision. I mean, she'll be stuck with it for the rest of her life. We want to give her a name with meaning. And there were 5 of us in the discussion. We had a great time throwing out ideas and looking up the meanings of different names.

Do you remember what the name 'Vera' means? Faith.

Before we knew that, when we were discussing her middle name, I told Jon that the only name that kept coming to me was Faith. Then we found out Vera means faith. We still like the sound of Vera Faith (a lot), but then her name would be like Faith Faith. Which isn't terrible or anything, but...

As we were throwing out names, we each had a favorite. We wanted to pick a name that could end up being her first name in case she ever decides she doesn't want to be called by her birth name. I guess it's pretty common for kids adopted from overseas to eventually want nothing to do with their birth country, including their birth name. So, we're thinking of names that we can say with Vera. We'll call her both names until we know what she wants to be called.

Anyway...

Jon still likes Faith. I do too. Vera Faith.

I also like Grace, which means Gift of God. It fits, don't you think? Vera Grace.

I also like Hope, but Jon didn't care for it. Vera Hope.

I also thought of Joy, but had mixed feelings since that is the middle name we gave Leanna. But then I thought it would be neat for them to share that. Jon thought it was too cliche, whatever that means. Vera Joy.

Jacob really likes Kathryn, which means pure. He kept saying, "What about Kathryn?" Vera Kathryn. That works, don't you think?

Caleb likes Kate, a form of Kathryn. Vera Kate. (Very cute!) He also likes Hannah and Mary. Vera Hannah. Vera Mary. Just doesn't sound right.

Abbi likes Kate and Katie, also a form of Kathryn. Vera Katie. Hmmm...

Jon didn't care for Kathryn. I thought it was cute.

We must have tried at least 30 different names to go with Vera. Many of them we laughed about. Many of them I said, "I am NOT calling her THAT!"

And then...someone said THE name.

We all said it a few times.

We all smiled.

We knew.

We found the winner!

So, her name will be...

Now, did you really think I was going to tell you?! No way! There has to be some sort of suspense for you! You already know it's a girl and you already know what she looks like!

Just know that her middle name is very sweet and simple and put together with Vera is full of meaning to us. You'll know why when you know her middle name. Until then...