Here and There

I get to wake up in my own bed 1 more time before we head overseas for who knows how long. Tomorrow I will leave my 3 precious, biological children behind for who knows how long. It's an emotional time, let me tell you. So many thoughts and prayers being thought and said.

I love blogs. There are several that I faithfully follow every day and another several that I check in with regularly. Lately I have been checking in daily with people who are in Eastern Europe right now to adopt. I'm sure you all know that there were two awesome victories this past week. Brady and Kirill both get to come home!

But there are other things going on over there...things that haunt me...things that keep me awake at night...things that bring me to tears just thinking about.

I know some people have a hard time with us going overseas to adopt when there are so many kids here in America that need good families. Some people have that 'we should take care of our own first' attitude. Some people wouldn't donate to our adoption fund because they disagree with international adoption. Please know that I am not judging anyone here. We all have different histories, opinions and passions. We're all unique. If you remember, when we began this journey we were looking at adopting from the foster care system. The need is great. Then God brought Leanna into our lives. I know all the statistics about orphans and foster care in America. Believe me, I know.

Adopting from Eastern Europe has given us a different education. First we learned about adopting older kids. We learned about the grim future that many teenagers face when they age out of the orphanages. Drugs, crime, prostitution, suicide. It is heartbreaking the things those kids face at the age of 16. Heartbreaking. I don't know anyone who would choose that kind of future for their kids.

Now that we're pursuing a special needs child, we're getting an even broader education. Which brings me to this post and the many thoughts swirling around in my head. It seems that every family who goes to Eastern Europe to adopt leaves a special one behind. There is always a child who grabs their hearts and consumes their thoughts even after returning home with their precious new child. I read about sweet mommas and papas who cry about leaving 'the one' behind. These mommas and papas then become advocates for these children. They holler and fundraise and holler some more until someone steps forward to adopt their one left behind. That or they come home and begin the process themselves to adopt the one they can't stop thinking about.

So, to those who wonder why we're going overseas to adopt, let me just share a few things that I've learned.

In Eastern Europe, little ones sit all day in wet and dirty diapers. All day. Many of them only get changed once a day. Disposable diapers are reused. I saw a picture the other day of disposable diapers hanging on a clothes line to dry and reuse.

Many children only get fed once a day. And it's not what we consider a full meal. Some children come home so malnourished they go from the airport straight to the hospital where they stay for weeks. I've read more and more of these stories. These little ones start receiving nutrients and their bodies reject it...nutrients are foreign substances to their little systems that are in shut down mode.

Too many children are starving. The families there now bring food on each visit with their child. The kids gobble up their food within seconds...some don't even chew which results in choking. Can you even imagine being that hungry? Can you imagine your kids being that hungry?

Laying rooms. I shudder at the thought. Every single blog I've read has said that the orphanage caregivers do the best they can. But there are just too many kids to take care of them all sufficiently. And there are never enough funds. So, the caregivers have to choose who will be taken care of and who will go to the laying rooms. Where they lay. All day and all night. You'd think that a room like this would be noisy with all the hungry, wet babies crying. They're not. The babies have learned that no one is going to come, so why cry.

Because the ratio of caregivers to children is so inadequate, the kids come up with coping mechanisms. They laugh when they fall down and skin their knees because no one is going to come comfort them if they cry. Biting is an outlet for anger...not biting others but themselves. Scratching too. I've seen several photos of kids who come home with terribly scratched up ears and faces. Some kids don't smile. Even when their family comes for them...no smile. They've been hopeless for so long. Right now we are praying for little Moira. Her sad little face makes me cry. Please pray for her.

Institutions. The thought brings me to tears. Many children are sent to adult institutions when they turn 4. Most children die within a year of being placed in these institutions. They are no place for children. They are no place for anyone. I've read a lot about one particular institution...the one Jonah will likely go to unless someone gets him out of there. Someone, PLEASE get him out of there! The kids who are not bedridden spend all day (if the weather is good) in a shed. They sit. They moan. That's it. All day, every day. They sit in a shed and moan. I could say so much more...maybe another day.

So, if you're wondering why there and not here, I'll tell you a few reasons.

First and foremost, I cannot find anywhere in the Bible where we're commanded to care only for orphans in our own country. God doesn't seem to care about the location of orphans. He just tells us to care for them. ALL of them.

Another thing I KNOW is that there are many people and corporations in America advocating for foster kids here. Our foster kids have a much better shot at a future than those orphans overseas. Our numbers are also MUCH lower here. Of the 500,000 kids in foster care, just over 100,000 are considered adoptable. In Russia alone, there are more than 750,000 orphans. And their population is less than half than that of the United States.

In America, the kids in foster care get to go to school. Most of the orphans in Vera's country, special needs or not, don't even have this luxury. They get no education whatsoever. Special needs orphans will eventually end up in institutions. Where they will stay until they die.

In Vera's country, the average income is less than $7,000 per year. From what I know, many people there would keep their kids if they could afford to. Many mommas visit their children in the orphanage and even pay a monthly fee to keep them there. I think many people would keep their kids if they weren't told at the hospital that they wouldn't be able to care for them because of their disability.

I've been told time and again that in Eastern Europe they just don't have the medical resources there that we have here. Here we have access to education, medicine, therapy, etc. that is not available there.

Although the foster kids and orphans in America may not have the best of circumstances, most of them are so much better off than all of them in Eastern Europe. No matter how you look at it. If the things going on in orphanages overseas were going on here there would be public outcry. There would be fundraisers. People would be advocating and raising awareness. Sadly, that is not happening enough over there.

But even with all the money, education, advocacy, therapies, healthcare, etc. that we have here in America, we still cannot boast. In America, babies can be aborted if it's a girl and the parents wanted a boy. Or vice versa. In America, mothers can have their baby killed simply because of his/her race. In America, where words like 'tolerance' and 'diversity' are touted about frequently, 90% of babies with Down Syndrome are aborted. The numbers seem to be about the same for babies found to have cystic fibrosis, spinal bifida, club foot, cleft palate, and other abnormalities and disabilities. Why do so many assume that someone who may have a more difficult life than the average person wouldn't want to live or shouldn't have the right to live? Did you know that a prenatal test for Autism is in the works? Thousands of babies, who were initially wanted by their parents, are aborted each year because something is wrong with them. Several words go through my swirling mind...discrimination, hate crime, hypocrisy. America has made it clear that children with special needs are not wanted. America has made it clear that a whole people group has no value or importance to society.

And yet...

Right here RIGHT NOW in America, there are hundreds of families raising tens of thousands of dollars, sacrificing so much time, tears, energy, to go to another country to adopt special needs children. Hear me, please. There is no orphan anywhere on this earth that is not wanted by someone. Teenager, special needs, infant, healthy, HIV+, Down Syndrome. They are all wanted. They are not disposable. They are worthy. America is missing out.

As we prepare to bring Vera home, I can't help but wonder about her future. What will I say to the person who finds out she has CP and they say, "I'm sorry"? I don't want sympathy...for us or for Vera. Cerebral Palsy does not define Vera. It's just a small part of who she is. I don't want people to look at her and see a disability. I want people to look at her and see HER. Vera. And all of her A-bilities.

So, I leave America tomorrow with many questions. Questions about our country and the freedom we are so proud of...land of the free, home of the brave. I question. I doubt. I struggle. I prepare to go to another country, where instead of special needs children being murdered in the womb, they are born. They live. They breathe. They suffer. They wait. Some are abandoned at birth. Others are purposefully put in orphanages with the hope that someone will adopt them and be given a better life. But they are given a chance. They are worthy of a chance. They are all wanted by someone.

Is it right that so many children there are hungry?

No.

Is it right that so many children there are soaked in their own urine day in/day out?

No.

Is it right that so many children there are in orphanages, not because of lack of love, but because of lack of funds or lack of support or lack of medical care?

No.

Is it right that so many babies there are abandoned because they are not 'normal'?

No.

Is it right that so many children there die without ever knowing how it feels to be held by someone who loves them?

No.

Neither is it right that so many babies here are murdered because they are not 'normal'.

Neither is it right that we take so many precious lives for granted.

Neither is it right that we can take the lives of our own for the sake of convenience.

For the sake of easy.

For the sake of money.

For the sake of comfort.

For the sake of reputation.

For the sake of choice.

There are things going on in Eastern Europe that haunt me. That's true. But there are also things going on in my own country that keep me awake at night. Things I don't understand.

Tomorrow I leave my country and head to Vera's country...with many questions.