Vera's 1st/7th Birthday

Sidenote: I completely forgot to mention this on my last post. Last week I was brushing Vera's hair one morning. Totally out of the blue she told me that we've seen her mad face and her 'cwying' face and that from now on she's going to show us her happy face. That was significant, people. She said it with such sincerity. That was when *I* knew that SHE knew that we had turned a corner. Praise the Lord!!

Anyway...

Vera's birthday was on Easter. So much significance there.

But that's for another post.

Is it just me, or is there finally peace in those little eyes?

Vera's best little friend has a Leap Pad and Vera wanted one desperately. She would tell Jon and I, and Jacob and Caleb and Abbi, and her physical therapist and anyone else who would listen, that she wanted a Leap Pad for her birthday. She told us MANY times every single day that she wanted a Leap Pad for her birthday. Ever since the day after Christmas (and I'm NOT kidding), she would ask me EVERY DAY if today is her birthday and then tell me she wants a Leap Pad for her birthday. When I would tell her that today is not her birthday she would ask if tomorrow is. And she would tell me again (after having just told me) that she wants a Leap Pad for her birthday. She would tell me when we were stretching that she wants a Leap Pad. She would tell me when we were eating any meal or snack. She would tell me when I would brush her hair and again when I would brush her teeth. She would tell me as I wiped her rear-end. She would tell me on the way to band. And co-op. And physical therapy. And the grocery store. She would tell me at bedtime. She must have told me no less than a dozen times a day that she wants a Leap Pad for her birthday. She even had a tantrum about it one day. She cried and yelled and kicked on the floor, "Me want Leap Pad! Me want Leap Pad!" It was first thing in the morning and I hadn't had any coffee yet. I told her if she wanted a Leap Pad she better KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW because there's NO WAY she's getting a Leap Pad after acting like that! She stopped and was pleasant the rest of the day. A few weeks ago I got sick. I mean...I got S I C K. Jon was out of town and I came down with a stomach bug. I was so miserable. I felt like I had been run over by a semi. One evening during this sickness, I was getting Vera ready for bed. She told me for the millionth time that she wants a Leap Pad for her birthday. I should've kept my mouth shut. Instead, I looked right at her face and said, "Vera. I. don't. care." I know. You can hand me the Mother of the Year Award now. The funny thing is, Vera didn't seem to mind my response. And after that, she only brought up the Leap Pad every now and then.

She told Jon and I that in Ukraine she always got a piece of candy on her birthday. We asked if they did anything else and she said, 'No.' A piece of candy. No cake. No candles. No party. No gifts. No singing. Just a piece of candy. Vera wanted to have her birthday party at her best little friend's house. I told her that's not usually how it works. Honestly, I wrestled about her party. I know she's never had one before and I wanted to throw her a HUGE first, 7th birthday party. But I also had a hunch that she was really stressed and anxious about her birthday.

I've read in several books and heard from several people living it, that birthdays can be stressful for adopted kids. A lot of kids think about their birth parents on their birthday. They imagine what life would be like with them. They wonder why they were abandoned. Why they lived in an orphanage for however many years. Honestly, I don't think about Vera's birth mother (or father) very much. I'm not sure why. I know lots of women who think a lot about their child's birth mom. I don't. Maybe because I just know that I was meant to be Vera's mommy and that's that. But the fact is, I did not give birth to Vera. She is not a mix of Jon and I like Jacob, Caleb and Abbi are. I have no memories or pictures of Vera as a baby. Or a toddler. Or a preschooler. I only have 9 months of memories with Vera. And she's 7 years old.

Vera asked me recently, "Mommy...you have mommy and daddy when you little?"

"Yes, Vera. When I was little I had a mommy and daddy."

"No, when you wiwwy smaw. You have mommy and daddy? You baby?"
"Yes. When I was a really small baby, I had a mommy and daddy."

If you know Vera, picture her puzzled expression at this point. She raised her hands and asked, "Why?" She truly did not understand this concept.

Why did I have a mommy and daddy when I was really small?

How would you answer this?

I choked back the lump in my throat, blinked back my tears and simply told her that that's how it's supposed to be. God wants ALL babies to have a mommy and a daddy. Sometimes it just takes a little while for that to happen.

So, I was in a quandry about her birthday party. It was just so hard to predict how she would be. Would she love every minute of it or would she freak out and have to leave her own first 7th birthday party? It could've gone either way. In the end, we decided to go to the zoo. We invited some good friends, including Vera's best little friend. We thought the zoo would be good because it involved the whole family and friends, and it didn't focus on anything materialistic. Vera had told Jon and I few times that she wanted her friends to watch her at her birthday party. She wanted them to watch her throw a ball. We told her that might not be very much fun for her friends. The zoo was sounding better and better.

So, that's what we did.

We were blessed with a perfect, gorgeous day for the event!

Vera LOVED the goats in the petting zoo.

Below - the girls watching a caterpillar

The elephants!

Honestly, there were many, many days that the last thing I wanted to get Vera was a Leap Pad. I was SO SICK of hearing about it. BUT...we got her one. Her excitement made the frustration of hearing about it for the past 4 months worth it.

We told Vera she could have anything she wanted for her birthday dinner. We could go to any restaurant she wanted or we could make something at home. Her choice: pancakes at home.

She LOVED getting to help make her cake. Can you tell?

Oh my!

This was where I took over with stirring.

All ready to bake!

Sprinkles! What fun!

The masterpiece!

Vera chose the "7" candle. The sparkly one. Of course.

I wish we had been video-taping her blowing out her candles.

She blew and blew and blew. And finally got the last one out!

It ended up that Vera DID get to go to her best little friends house on her birthday.

They had invited us over for lunch. Complete with an Easter egg hunt.

The boys hid all the eggs and the girls hunted.

Egg hunts are GREAT PT!

Vera's stash. She had NO IDEA whatsover that each egg contained chocolate.

I removed all the chocolate and she's been happy as a clam to play with the eggs.

What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Right?

Easter morning

I heart my kids