Mine

Whatever is under the whole heaven is Mine.

Job 41:11

If I never hear the word 'Mine' again, it will be too soon. Vera doesn't ask if EVERY SINGLE THING in the house is hers multiple times a day anymore, but it does still come up daily. "Is this mine?" She asks the question about things that she's asked about at least a hundred times. Does she think the answer is going to change? A few weeks ago she asked me if the videos are hers. I told her for the 192nd time that no, the movies are for everyone, but that she could watch them if she wanted to. That led to her removing a whole shelf of movies and dumping them on the floor as she screamed, "MINE! MINE!". Which led to a consequence which led to a tantrum which escalated to a rage.

Sigh.

Mine. The worst 4 letter word in the dictionary if you ask me.

I know all kids go through the 'mine' stage. But with Vera it is so intense.

We got our Christmas tree up this week. Finally! Last year when we put all our Christmas things away, I filled a box of ornaments for Leanna so that when we got our things out this year she would feel included. One of the ornaments has a baby picture of her. Another one has a photo of her from last summer when she was here. Another is a pretty, sparkly "L." We needed new stockings anyway, so one day after Christmas Abbi and I set out shopping and found 6 new stockings for our family.

The other day I was marveling at how God worked this for good.

As soon as the boxes of ornaments came out Vera started asking where hers were. She didn't want to know IF there were any for her. She wanted to know which ones were hers. Sometimes I wonder what she's thinking. She'll look at our family picture in the living room (which we really need to update!) and ask why she's not in it. She'll take out photo albums and ask where she is. Why doesn't she have a baby album like the older 3 kids? We went to Illinois last week for Thanksgiving and we drove by the apartment we lived in when Jacob was born. We were pointing things out to him and from the back we hear Vera ask, "Why not me?" As in, why wasn't she there too? So, what is she thinking? Does she think I gave birth to her, dropped her off in a Ukrainian baby house and came back 6 years later to bring her home? I wish I knew.

Anyway, the way God prompted me last year to have ornaments and a stocking ready for this year just amazes me. I removed the ornaments with photos of Leanna and gave the box to Vera. She looked at me and asked, 'these mine?' Oh, she was thrilled to have her own box of ornaments to help decorate the tree. And decorate she did.

My Christmas elves.

This last photo was taken shortly after a tantrum. After we finished the tree, Vera was trying to find one of her ornaments. Do you see how big the tree is? Do you have any idea how many ornaments we have? I told Vera I had no idea where this one particular ornament was but that it was okay because I didn't know where all of mine were either. And Jacob didn't know where all of his were and Caleb didn't know where all of his were, etc., etc. But I DO know that they are all on the tree somewhere. Well, that wasn't good enough and Vera started to cry. So the big kids were taking ornaments off asking Vera, "Is this the one you're looking for?" No. No. No. More crying. I pulled Vera onto my lap and tried to tell her that it really didn't matter where her ornaments were. They were all on the tree and they would stay on the tree until after Christmas and then we'd take them all off and wrap them all back up and put them back in the boxes until next Christmas.

Well, that did it.

She started screaming, "MINE! MINE!" She wanted to take her ornaments off the tree and put them in her room. I repeated the above, that all the ornaments would stay on the tree until after Christmas and then they would all get put away. I told her we keep them all together so that none of them get lost.

She wouldn't have it. The crying and screaming continued.

I gave Vera the choice of calming down and staying in the living room with the family or going to her room by herself if she was going to keep crying. It was almost 7 and I hadn't even started dinner yet. She got up and walked to her room, screaming the whole way. Sometimes she just needs a few minutes alone to pull herself together. I was hoping this was one of those times. When Vera came out of her room a few minutes later, we took this photo.
The other day something hit me. It was one of those "DUH" moments and I couldn't believe I hadn't put it together before now. I have several pictures of Vera at her orphanage opening gifts. On at least 3 different occasions. I never saw one of those gifts when we were there. We didn't even come home with the gifts we gave to Vera the first day we met her. A few of the things were Abbi's and had sentimental value. I was looking forward to having pictures of Abbi AND Vera playing with a few of these things. I will never have those photos. I know it's not that big of a deal and I should get over it. I'm trying, but I'm still a bit bitter about it. We brought those things to Vera because we wanted her to have them. Where did they go? We know they were in her locker the day before we busted her out. But when we cleaned out her locker the next day, the things we had brought her were gone. I didn't realize it at the time or I would've asked. It was such an emotional, roller-coaster-of-a-day the last thing I was thinking about was what was coming out of Vera's locker.

Anyway, what about the other gifts that I have photos of Vera opening? Where did they go? Why weren't they in her locker? NO WONDER she has issues with 'mine.' Everything that was ever given to her was taken away! We've been home almost 5 months and I'm still not over coming home without the gifts we gave to Vera. How much harder is it for a 6 year old to get over having her gifts taken away? Perhaps my new understanding will give me an extra dose of patience the next time 'mine' comes up.

Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding.

Proverbs 3:13