Mine

Whatever is under the whole heaven is Mine.

Job 41:11

If I never hear the word 'Mine' again, it will be too soon. Vera doesn't ask if EVERY SINGLE THING in the house is hers multiple times a day anymore, but it does still come up daily. "Is this mine?" She asks the question about things that she's asked about at least a hundred times. Does she think the answer is going to change? A few weeks ago she asked me if the videos are hers. I told her for the 192nd time that no, the movies are for everyone, but that she could watch them if she wanted to. That led to her removing a whole shelf of movies and dumping them on the floor as she screamed, "MINE! MINE!". Which led to a consequence which led to a tantrum which escalated to a rage.

Sigh.

Mine. The worst 4 letter word in the dictionary if you ask me.

I know all kids go through the 'mine' stage. But with Vera it is so intense.

We got our Christmas tree up this week. Finally! Last year when we put all our Christmas things away, I filled a box of ornaments for Leanna so that when we got our things out this year she would feel included. One of the ornaments has a baby picture of her. Another one has a photo of her from last summer when she was here. Another is a pretty, sparkly "L." We needed new stockings anyway, so one day after Christmas Abbi and I set out shopping and found 6 new stockings for our family.

The other day I was marveling at how God worked this for good.

As soon as the boxes of ornaments came out Vera started asking where hers were. She didn't want to know IF there were any for her. She wanted to know which ones were hers. Sometimes I wonder what she's thinking. She'll look at our family picture in the living room (which we really need to update!) and ask why she's not in it. She'll take out photo albums and ask where she is. Why doesn't she have a baby album like the older 3 kids? We went to Illinois last week for Thanksgiving and we drove by the apartment we lived in when Jacob was born. We were pointing things out to him and from the back we hear Vera ask, "Why not me?" As in, why wasn't she there too? So, what is she thinking? Does she think I gave birth to her, dropped her off in a Ukrainian baby house and came back 6 years later to bring her home? I wish I knew.

Anyway, the way God prompted me last year to have ornaments and a stocking ready for this year just amazes me. I removed the ornaments with photos of Leanna and gave the box to Vera. She looked at me and asked, 'these mine?' Oh, she was thrilled to have her own box of ornaments to help decorate the tree. And decorate she did.

My Christmas elves.

This last photo was taken shortly after a tantrum. After we finished the tree, Vera was trying to find one of her ornaments. Do you see how big the tree is? Do you have any idea how many ornaments we have? I told Vera I had no idea where this one particular ornament was but that it was okay because I didn't know where all of mine were either. And Jacob didn't know where all of his were and Caleb didn't know where all of his were, etc., etc. But I DO know that they are all on the tree somewhere. Well, that wasn't good enough and Vera started to cry. So the big kids were taking ornaments off asking Vera, "Is this the one you're looking for?" No. No. No. More crying. I pulled Vera onto my lap and tried to tell her that it really didn't matter where her ornaments were. They were all on the tree and they would stay on the tree until after Christmas and then we'd take them all off and wrap them all back up and put them back in the boxes until next Christmas.

Well, that did it.

She started screaming, "MINE! MINE!" She wanted to take her ornaments off the tree and put them in her room. I repeated the above, that all the ornaments would stay on the tree until after Christmas and then they would all get put away. I told her we keep them all together so that none of them get lost.

She wouldn't have it. The crying and screaming continued.

I gave Vera the choice of calming down and staying in the living room with the family or going to her room by herself if she was going to keep crying. It was almost 7 and I hadn't even started dinner yet. She got up and walked to her room, screaming the whole way. Sometimes she just needs a few minutes alone to pull herself together. I was hoping this was one of those times. When Vera came out of her room a few minutes later, we took this photo.
The other day something hit me. It was one of those "DUH" moments and I couldn't believe I hadn't put it together before now. I have several pictures of Vera at her orphanage opening gifts. On at least 3 different occasions. I never saw one of those gifts when we were there. We didn't even come home with the gifts we gave to Vera the first day we met her. A few of the things were Abbi's and had sentimental value. I was looking forward to having pictures of Abbi AND Vera playing with a few of these things. I will never have those photos. I know it's not that big of a deal and I should get over it. I'm trying, but I'm still a bit bitter about it. We brought those things to Vera because we wanted her to have them. Where did they go? We know they were in her locker the day before we busted her out. But when we cleaned out her locker the next day, the things we had brought her were gone. I didn't realize it at the time or I would've asked. It was such an emotional, roller-coaster-of-a-day the last thing I was thinking about was what was coming out of Vera's locker.

Anyway, what about the other gifts that I have photos of Vera opening? Where did they go? Why weren't they in her locker? NO WONDER she has issues with 'mine.' Everything that was ever given to her was taken away! We've been home almost 5 months and I'm still not over coming home without the gifts we gave to Vera. How much harder is it for a 6 year old to get over having her gifts taken away? Perhaps my new understanding will give me an extra dose of patience the next time 'mine' comes up.

Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding.

Proverbs 3:13

A Grammy’s Perspective

My mom came to visit 2 weeks ago. She was here for the twins' birthday and it was her first time meeting Vera. During her first afternoon/evening here, she asked me a lot of questions about Vera. Does she still do this? Does she still do that? Things I've talked about here. I usually said, 'No, she hasn't done that in awhile' or 'I can't remember the last time she did that.' It made me realize just how far we've come in our short 4 1/2 months home with Vera. It also made me realize that I'm a very bad blogger and really need to keep you all updated better about Vera's progress. It's hard to see the progress sometimes since I'm here every day. It's good for me to be able to look back and see so many improvements, so I'll try to do better about keeping you all informed. Anyway, I asked my mom if she would write a guest post for the blog and talk about Vera through her eyes. What was she expecting and how does she see Vera? Was she surprised by anything? Mom agreed to share her thoughts with you.

Without further ado...Grammy's Perspective

Honestly, I was quite nervous to meet Vera for the first time. Amy sent me numerous e-mails warning me about this and cautioning me about that; on many levels I was not looking forward to the trip across the country. I was expecting a 6 year old, non-English speaking, crippled little bag of terror.

Well, my fears disappeared as soon as I met her. She was a happy, giggly, curious little thing and I even understood some of what she had to say (my ability to understand “Vera speak” would improve immensely during my four day visit). Once we got home, then the real fun began. She had to look through my purse (I’d forgotten that she likes to inspect these) and wanted to know what everything was for. Amy thought it was amusing that I had so much “emergency food”, but hey, you never know when it’ll come in handy. Anyway, that was fun and with each passing hour, I understood her better. I was really impressed at dinner time though. Wow, what an appetite this little tike has! And she feeds herself; every single bite! It took her a little longer than the rest of us, but bless her heart, she ate every bite. Amy says the only things she doesn’t like are egg salad and baked beans and she thought it was a texture thing. She went to bed without an issue and it didn’t take Amy long to rock her to sleep. So after day one, I was wondering what all the warnings were about.

On day 2, we just hung out at home. I watched Amy put Vera through one hour of stretching exercises and was happy to see that they were all yoga poses. Vera didn’t put up a fight and worked hard and chatted throughout the hour. She and I spent some time in her room each day coloring, or playing with her doll house (she doesn’t know how to pretend so I had to make all the figures do and say everything), or just chatting. She was enchanting! Oh I almost forgot…..seeing Vera come out of her room first thing in the morning is a sight to behold. I was used to seeing her walk with her AFO’s. First thing in the morning is a different story. Poor little thing, she’s really all over the place and needs the walls to keep her from falling; but she still has that engaging smile on her face the entire day! And she doesn’t want help going up or down the stairs; she wants to do it! It was interesting to me to hear her use the same inflections that the other family members use, especially when talking to Toby (the dog). You just have to hear her say “Oh Toby” and that tone has Evans family all over it. So day 2 ended with no tantrums or screaming or problems. I told the kids that I really thought they were making these Vera tantrum stories up! (Amy here - just have to say that this made Jacob and I laugh...oh, if Mom only knew!)

Day 3 was Caleb and Abbi’s 12^th birthday!
Abbi was to celebrate her day the next night with a sleepover and Caleb’s celebration was at a future day. So Abbi and Amy made a homemade strawberry cake!
That took a while, so we played some board games. Vera wanted to play, but of course, didn’t know how. She was good about not getting to play though and was happy watching the craziness going on. That night we went to The Red Lobster for a birthday dinner, and again, Vera put away the food!

On day 4 (my last full day L) we went to Target so Abbi could look for something to get with her gift card. I offered to stay in the car with Vera so the trip could be faster, but Amy said no, Vera needs to walk. And walk she did. It takes her a very long time (by our standards) to get from point A to point B. But she did it and does it without complaint and with that constant grin. We went into a Toys r Us while we were there and I thought Oh Oh, Vera’s going to want everything she sees. But she was perfectly happy just to look and ask questions and giggle. That night we ordered in pizza and while talking over dinner, the subject of Pata came up (my husband). She was very curious about him and Amy showed her a photo of him. More questions. One question was why didn’t Pata wear a watch? Vera loves watches and thinks everyone should wear one. So I explained, as much as I could, and hoping she would understand, that Pata had an injury and hurt his neck, and now his hands and feet hurt all the time; so it hurts him to wear a watch. All this time Vera was looking at me and her little face got sad, and when I was done she said……Oh, po (poor) Pata. I almost thought she was going to cry and Amy and I didn’t want that, so we told her it was OK; Pata was fine, he just can’t wear a watch. I wish I could have made a video of that, it was SO sweet. She had so much compassion for someone she didn’t even know.

So, at bedtime, I got to experience her first (since I’d been there) tantrum. (Amy here again - this made me smile. This was not a tantrum. This was what we call fussiness. My mom never did get to experience a tantrum or rage, for which I am grateful!) She must have cried for an hour and a half while Amy was trying to get her to sleep. I was worried that she was upset over the Pata story, but Amy said no. Poor Amy; I so wish I was closer so I could help her out. But I digress.

My journey must come to a close and my head and heart are filled with Vera. I told Amy earlier in the week that I don’t think of Vera as having CP; she’s just a little girl who hasn’t been allowed to grow up normally, as we know normal. The occupational therapy that she needs is just being a child. She’s behind other children her age, but advanced leaps and bounds during my four days; (not because of me, just because she devours knowledge and activity). While we were at Target, Amy bought 26 little wooden, alphabet blocks, the kind two year olds play with. Six year old Vera loved them. A few weeks earlier, during a therapy evaluation, Vera couldn’t stack 4, so the goal became 10, that’s why Amy bought them. After Abbi and Vera played with them and made stacking them a game, she was stacking 11…… within an hour!
Wow! Then they decided (with our urging) to try it with one hand behind their backs. This would encourage Vera to use her weak right side and make it look like a game. She could stack 4 with her weak hand! I was so impressed and proud!

So I guess that’s it. I’m not afraid anymore and can’t wait to see her again. And for those of you who wonder what it’s like, to suddenly have a new grandchild, who’s adopted, and you wonder if you can love that child, and think of them as your own…..the answer, for me anyway, is YES! In fact, I also gained a new grandson this past year, and he just happens to be adopted too. I love both of these newbies just as much as my biological grandchildren; they’re equal, as far as I’m concerned. Life is good!

Grammy and Vera having a deep discussion with paper phones. Vera's hand is flapping...she does this when she's happy and/or excited.

The Tooth Story

I wish I could put into words the drama that entered our home 4 1/2 months ago. Oy. The drama. The drama of a 6 year old Ukranian princess. Who knew?

Princess Vera has had a loose tooth for a few weeks. Enter double drama. Her top, two front teeth are both loose, but one was especially loose. Jon had to take another business trip last week and tried to pull said loose tooth before he left. This momma is a big, fat wimp when it comes to loose teeth. Don't even let me see it...I may pass out! When Jon tried to pull it, Vera's tooth was not quite dry and his finger slipped. Lots of screaming ensued. The tooth did not get pulled.

When Jon returned home from his trip, he tried again to pull said loose tooth. Vera jerked her head back at the last second and Jon missed. Lots of screaming ensued. The tooth did not get pulled. Two parents were very frustrated.

Well, third time's a charm, right? Not always. The next night we gave Vera some melatonin in an effort to calm her so Jon could pull the ridiculous loose tooth, that was now barely hanging on. Disgusting. Why in the world did God give us baby teeth only to have them fall out and be replaced by permanent ones? It's a vicious cycle, really. Especially for people who are completely grossed out by loose teeth. But, I digress. Anyway, it was WAY past Vera's bedtime and the melatonin should've kicked in long ago. With my help, Jon tried YET AGAIN to pull Vera's tooth. YET AGAIN it was a bust. Lots of screaming ensued. From Vera and myself.

We were at loss. What were we to do? The tooth needed to come out. It bled every time we brushed Vera's teeth. It was beyond ready to come out...and yet it still clung there. Jon was worried about traumatizing Vera and losing her trust. I could see Jon's point, but I was so over the drama. If we even said the word 'tooth', both of Vera's hands would firmly and securely cover her mouth. Her little mouth was more secure than any airport in the United States. Every day we had a new conversation about the tooth. She told us when her bottom two teeth were pulled in Ukraine it hurt and she cried and cried. (We don't know why those teeth were pulled, but we don't think they were ready.) She told us she was scared to have Jon pull her tooth. We all tried to convince her that Daddy knows what he's doing. He's pulled Jacob's teeth and Caleb's teeth and Abbi's teeth. There's no need to be scared. Vera wouldn't listen.

"Your tooth is so loose, Vera. It really needs to come out."

"No." Giggle. "Ya no want toof out. Ya like my toof. Me no want toof out."

"But what if it comes out it your sleep and you swallow it?"

"Ya like swawwow teef. Teef yummy." Giggle.

"But if you swallow your tooth, you won't be able to put it under your pillow and have a surprise in the morning."

"Iz okay. Ya no like supwise. Ya like toof. Me no want toof out."

I asked some friends for advice. One mom suggested we pull it while Vera was asleep. We had considered that but then worried that Vera would be afraid to fall asleep from then on. Some suggested an apple...or taffy. But we knew Vera would just use her back teeth. Some said just let it fall out on its own. Sigh.

Yesterday morning as I was stretching Vera, she was playing with her hanging-on-by-a-thread-completely-gross-loose-tooth. I could see the hole underneath her tooth. It just hung there, taunting me. I had to stop looking at Vera. Jon came home last night and I told him the tooth MUST COME OUT! I could not take one more day!

We went into Vera's room where she was drawing with Jacob. Caleb and Abbi followed, so the whole family minus the cat were all in Vera's room. We didn't talk about it first like we had been doing. That always got Vera very worked up and stressed her out. I distracted Vera with her watch and Jon came in from behind and before Vera even knew what happened, Jon popped the tooth out. Vera cried, but mostly from the surprise I think. After the tears, she told us it didn't hurt. We all clapped and cheered. Toby, the dog, wiggled and growled (he growls when he's happy and excited). Vera said through her smile and giggle, "Ya sowwy I cwy." Then she thanked Jon no less than 13 times. "Fank uh, Daddy, pull my toof. Ya like my toof out. Fank uh, Daddy." At bedtime she smothered him with hugs and kisses and more thank you's for pulling the tooth. I don't think any trust was lost. If anything, I think trust was built. Vera now knows that we weren't lying to her when we told her it wouldn't hurt to pull the tooth. She told us it didn't hurt. She knows we told the truth that it would not bleed very much. (Sounds like her bottom two teeth bled a lot and that was partly why she was scared.) Jon mentioned to Vera how loose the second tooth is and that it will probably come out in a few days. Vera was cool with it. Maybe we won't have any drama next time. Maybe.

So, are you ready for pictures?

Such a big girl!

See the joy on the kids' faces?

We were all thrilled to have this behind us.

The tooth fairy visited last night (which is another story) and left a whole dollar for Vera.

Today after PT, Vera and I went to the dollar store so she could pick out 2 surprises.

(She had another dollar that Jon had given her when we first came home.)

She spotted her first treasure as soon as we walked in the door.

A red, tinsel tree.

What would you expect a 6 year old princess to buy?

Some fake nails, perhaps?

Vera wanted the second thing she saw in the store,

but I suggested we look around a little more before she decided.

It didn't take long to find the perfect thing for Vera...

That's more like it!

Very excited to show her siblings!

She wants to know if she can wear them to sleep.

I'm thinking not.

Occupational therapy for a buck!

Can't beat that!

Remember Them?

Do you remember these two precious sweeties?

This is "Nice Girl"...

And this is "Lisa."

They were in Vera's group at the orphanage and sat at Vera's lunch table.

Lisa is the one who would grab on to Jon and not let go.

Aren't they precious?! Don't you LOVE their smiles?!

There is a growing group of families here in the states who stay in touch.

We are now one of those families.

We all adopted from Vera's baby home in Nikolaev.

#19

A couple of the moms had a great idea to send Christmas to #19 this year.

When I found out about it, I was sleepless for a few nights.

Oh, the excitement!

These little faces, and plenty of others, kept me awake.

We get to send them presents for Christmas!

Do you remember when I told you about peeking into the lockers of the 14 children in Vera's group? Vera had a few things from the few visitors she had had. "Allie" had a few things and so did Nice Girl. Do you remember what the other children had?

Nothing.

Shoes and a hat.

Shoes and a hat that do not really belong to them.

Shoes that likely don't fit...Vera's shoes were 4 sizes too small.

Shoes and a hat that will stay at the orphanage if/when they move on.

Really, the children have nothing.

We can change that this Christmas.

We can give each child something to call their own.

Something to keep in their locker.

Something.

So, would you like to help us?

There are several ways you can help.

In a nutshell, we will be sending shoeboxes filled with goodies for 115 children.

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Here are some ways you can help:

You can fill a shoebox. We ask you to keep the contents between $5 and $20.

You can donate items and some 19 families will fill shoeboxes for you.

You can purchase something from Becky's Etsy shop. For the month of October she is donating all of her proceeds to Operation: Christmas in Nikolaev. Becky's family adopted a girl with CP from Vera's orphanage last year. She has been a great source of encouragement to me and a huge help with all of my endless questions about Vera and her CP.

SPREAD THE WORD! Grab the button, blog it, share this link on Facebook.

You can make a monetary donation here that will be used to purchase toys, clothing, gift wrap, and also to help pay for shipping.

Shipping charges will be substantial.

All donations over $25 are tax deductible.

Most importantly, please PRAY! Pray for these precious ones left behind.

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Pray and ask the Lord how He would have you help.

So...are you in?

You can send items/and or filled boxes to

Huddle House

1802 Main Street East

Hartselle, AL 35640

no later than October 31

You can make a monetary donation here or send a check to

Circle of Hope

P O Box 4921

Huntsville, AL 35815

Be sure to include your name/address if you would like to use your donation for tax purposes.

Let me just share one more precious one with you.

This is Ryland.

He lives at the Nikolaev baby house. For now, anyway.

He's 5, so I don't know how long he will be there.

Ryland has CP like our Vera. We saw him on many occasions and got to interact with him.

Oh.

He is a love!

I will be sharing more about Ryland in the near future.

He still needs a family.

If you could meet him, you would wonder why no one has come for him.

We were baffled by it.

Ryland has no family.

Ryland has nothing.

Same with Lisa and Nice Girl.

And 112 others at the orphanage in Nikolaev.

Wouldn't you like to send them something for Christmas?

Can you even imagine the excitement of a child who has never received a Christmas present opening a little box of goodies OF THEIR VERY OWN on Christmas morning?

It WILL make a difference!

All of the information you need can be found here.

Instructions for shoe boxes:

Decorate a women’s shoe box with the following suggested items, label “boy” or “girl” on outside of box and rubberband box closed. Please do not use a large "boot" box.

Socks – white (girls box), black (boys box)

Underwear (girls or boys or all white for either)

Children's sunglasses, hats appropriate for warm weather or cold weather (boys or girls)

Small toys – ideas include: barbies, Lego's, puzzles, crayons, action figures, dolls with clothing, hot wheels cars, stuffed animals, balls, slinkys, etc.

Children’s gloves

Hair bows/barrettes (girls boxes)

New clothing (inexpensive) all sizes up to age 5

*Please do not include nail polish or candy*

We thank you for helping make this a very special Christmas for so many little children!

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Park Day in Pictures

It was park day today with one of our favorite homeschool groups.

And what a beautiful day God blessed us with!

We all had a great day with even greater friends!

Caleb (green shirt) had SO much fun playing football with his buddies!

Jacob had fun with the older boys.

Vera had fun doing everything!

She even learned how to throw a frisbee...sort of. :)

She sure was cute trying!

Vera really loved swinging...especially when Jon pushed her.

He took today off from work to come play with us...

that was perhaps the BEST part of the day!

Vera LOVES playing with the big girls.

And they are so wonderful about including her.

Can you see how happy she is?

Abbi has the best friends a girl could have!

LOVE these precious girls!

A Big Day - and Marietta was There!

Ha! You thought I was kidding, didn't you, Marietta?!

Look at this picture.

See anything significant?

I do.

We couldn't have taken this picture a week ago.

Why?

Because a week ago Vera would have PANICKED on uneven ground.

She would've yelled and grabbed my hand for dear life.

Walk on grass alone?

And not just grass...hilly grass.

Forget it.

A week ago she would've dropped to her knees and crawled.

A week ago she certainly would not have let go of my hand to go chase a ball.

Today at our homeschool game day...

she did just that!

(She's on the far left...just in case you didn't realize that's Vera.)

She was WALKING all over that uneven grass!

Do you know where I was?

See the red awning in the above photo?

Yeah.

That's where I was.

Telling Dana and Marietta how amazing it was that Vera was OUT THERE

Alone

Not holding anyone's hand

Not panicking,

On her FEET

Chasing a ball

With all the other kids.

We all got teary eyed watching Vera play.

Somebody (I shall not mention names) was very excited to

see one of my blog posts happen LIVE and in person!

Vera played HARD today.

After chasing the ball in the grass, the big girls helped Vera climb on the playground.

You can see Abbi on the left (above) running to get to the top to help pull Vera up...

Vera got a little stuck at this point.

But such sweet victory awaited her at the top!

Vera LOVED playing with the big girls today!

Vera played hard for several hours.

She was all over the place!

She was exhausted when we finally loaded up the van to head home.

Marietta, I didn't tell you about the other significant

happening that you witnessed today.

You saw what happened, but you probably didn't see the significance.

Some of the kids were getting ready to play another round of hide & seek.

Vera was accidentally nudged as the group began to scatter and hide.

It was a nudge that you and I would probably not notice.

But it was a nudge that caused Vera to lose her balance.
It was one of those mommy moments that you see happening

but there's nothing you can do to stop it.

She fell. She fell hard.

The fall included her slamming the

back of her head on the concrete parking lot.

Her glasses flew off and everything.

It was a hard fall.

And Vera cried.

She sought comfort from me.

I was right there and immediately dropped down to the ground next to her.

She let me pull her into my lap and rock her and kiss her and wipe away her tears.

That wouldn't have happened just a few weeks ago.

A short time ago Vera would have seen me coming

and put up her hand to wave me away.

She would've said, "No, no, no!"

But not today.

Today she let me mommy her.

A big day, indeed.

Vera had her evaluation for occupational therapy this week.

She can't cut a straight line.

She can't draw a straight line from one point to another 2 inches long.

She can't draw a closed circle.

She can't draw two perpendicular lines (like a cross).

She can't string beads.

She can't stack more than 5 blocks.

She can't do many things that a 6 year old should be able to do.

I know it must sound like I'm focusing on what Vera can't do.

I'm not.

I'm focusing on what Vera WILL DO!

I'm putting it here because someday very soon

I'm going to read this post and say

"Oh yeah! I remember when Vera couldn't do those things.

Look at her now!"

Just like I did today.