One More Interruption

June 20, 2010

Thank you, friends, for your encouragement, your prayers, your time in reading these emails.

Since a few of you asked about the camp that Leanna is at right now I’ll tell you what I know. The orphans are sent to this camp for 3 months to let the caregivers at the orphanage have a break. I don’t think it’s a work camp, but am not really sure. One of the host-dads that spoke on Saturday said that when his son (age 11) arrived he had scars all up and down his arms. When they asked him about it, he said that if the bigger boys at camp ever got a hold you they would cut you up. The bigger boys got a hold of him more than once. It also sounds like there is a window to the girls shower house that the boys can look into and watch the girls shower. Leanna told Katie that she would try to hide or cover herself with her arms, but I don’t think it was possible to completely hide from the boys. I want to ask Leanna more about this camp when she’s here.

So, the training last weekend. Most of the day was actually spent discussing adoption, which I thought was ironic since we weren’t even supposed to say ‘the A word.’

One question that was asked was why don’t family members step up and take in the children? In Russia, the country is divided up into areas (like we have the 50 states). Each area is ‘zoned’ for a certain number of people. When people travel from one area to the next, they have to register with the government so they always know where people are and how many people are in each area. To get permission to bring an extra person into the area permanently is a long, expensive process full of government red tape. I think it’s just easier to put the children in orphanages.

Another thing about Russia is that no one smiles. If you smile in Russia, you’re either crazy or drunk. I wondered if the children have the instinct to smile and have to suppress it…

Many children who are interviewed for the hosting program (60% of whom get adopted) choose not to come mostly because of the lies they’re told that I talked about in the last email. The kids who spoke last Saturday all said they were terrified when they got off the plane. Not only because of all the lies they had heard, but then they’re greeted by a group of strangers…who, of all things, are smiling.

The caregivers at the orphanages don’t want to get attached to the kids so they don’t hug them. Many kids who come on the hosting program have never been hugged and don’t know what to do when they are hugged. One of the boys who spoke (he’s in his early 20’s now) remembers the first time his mom embraced him and pulled him in to hug him. It was a pivotal moment in his life. At bedtime in the orphanage a bell rings and lights go out and in to bed they go. No hugs, no ‘have sweet dreams’, no ‘I love you’s’, no prayers, no nothing. Just get into bed and go to sleep.

Another thing is that in Russia the average is 7 abortions per woman. 7. Seven. Some women don’t have any. That means some women have more than 7 abortions. I know we have an abortion problem here in America, but I don’t think our ratios are that high.

We did learn that sexual abuse is not very common there. If it’s learned that children have been sexually abused or if they start ‘acting out’ while in the orphanage they get sent to a different home where they receive counseling and help.

We were reminded that we can’t judge the children based on their actions and behaviors because we have no idea where it’s coming from. There is no telling what they’ve been through and what makes no sense to us may make perfect sense to the child. One repeat host family said they had a girl once who would put on a bathing suit with a shirt and jeans over it and swim that way. They gave her that freedom and didn’t question her, but did ask a chaperone about it. It turned out that the girl had been severely burned as a little one and had scars all over that she didn’t want the family to see. She did eventually just wear a bathing suit.

Nicole was one of the girls that spoke on Saturday. It was her first time to talk about her adoption in public and she was awesome. She really reminded me of Leanna, not in her looks, but her attitude. Her dad also spoke to us and told that when he and his wife first hosted Nicole, it was hard. We were reminded why we had to find prayer partners…he said they had about 1 good week with Nicole. About a week and a half was okay. Another week and a half was bad. The rest of the time was really bad. Really, really bad. Our prayer partners will be the ones lifting us up on those really really bad days when we’re so upset we can’t think straight. Anyway, Nicole had a very rough first year here after being adopted. She told about asking her parents why they adopted her. “Because we love you.” “You don’t even know me! How can you love me?!” She couldn’t understand that. She pushed both parents away, especially her mom. She repeatedly did bad things. At one point she asked them how they could love her when she kept doing all these bad things. Their response was that it didn’t matter what she did. They would always love her. No matter what she did. They would always love her. It took her that first year for the truth to sink in. She was loved. Unconditionally.

Friends, Leanna will be here in just a few more days. And we are SO excited! The other day, the twins and I piled onto Leanna’s bed and watched Jon and Jacob hang her mirror. The dog and cat joined us as well. All we were missing was Leanna. Please pray for safe travel for Leanna, the other 165 orphans who are coming, as well as the chaperones. Pray that Leanna is happy that we’re adopting her. I’m sure her emotions will be very mixed when the time actually comes, but pray that she wants us as badly as we want her. She does still have the power to end this whole thing. In a way, I feel like this summer will be our interview. Pray that she feels like the part of the family that we already know she is. I had a friend of mine translate the Evans House Rules for me…pray that it is received well by Leanna. We’ve been advised that it’s much easier to start strict and ease up later. That’s what we plan to do. Pray that this summer Leanna will begin to understand the roles that Mom and Dad play in a family, as well as her new role as a big sister.

I think that’s it for now. Thank you for being on this journey with us!

Jon & Amy