I've had a difficult time trying to decide what to share next from the GHEA conference. Andrew Pudewa gave such great talks...I decided to go with Teaching & Motivating Boys & Girls today (which we found out was really to be titled Motivating Boys & Other Kids Who Would Rather be Making Forts All Day). First he talked about the neuro-physiological differences between boys and girls. If you have boys AND girls, I'm sure you already know they are different. These days it is politically incorrect to say that boys and girls are unequal, but in fact, they are. Mr. Pudewa discussed schools where the classes are separated by gender and what a wonderful thing that is. It frees the students up to learn as they were made to learn. So, here are some practical differences between boys and girls:
1. Boys don’t hear quiet sounds. They don’t ignore you. They just don’t hear you. Mr. Pudewa suggested that if both boys and girls are in a classroom, the teacher should seat the boys on one side and the girls on the other and then stand in front of the boys so they can hear. It has been proven in infants, toddlers and children that girls can hear softer sounds than boys. It also explains why, when I'm reading aloud to the kids, I have to give Caleb 'the look' because he is tapping or humming or making noise somehow. But he doesn't hear it! He usually doesn't realize he's been making noise until he gets 'the look.' To prove his point, Mr. Pudewa had us all be silent and pointed out all the sounds going on around us...the hum of the A/C, the buzz of the lights, etc. Boys will hear these noises first and it's difficult for them to tune those sounds out and focus on what they're supposed to listen to. Adults (most of them) are accustomed to tuning these sounds out. Boys can't do it yet. (Saturday morning we had to stop to get gas before arriving back at the conference center. Caleb asked if we were near the airport and I said, 'yes.' He commented on how he could hear the engines of the planes...I hadn't even noticed until he made that comment!) Mr. Pudewa said many boys don’t do well in school because they cannot hear the teacher. He also suggested that if our sons cannot sit still to do math, have them stand up at a counter to do it.
2. Boys optimum learning temperature is 68 - 69 degrees. Girls is 74-75 degrees. Note to self: keep heat low this winter and have Abbi and me bundle up.
3. Boys tend to track speed and motion because their eyes have more m-cells which are connected to rods. Girls have more p-cells connected to cones which track color and texture. (This has something to do with how/where the retina is attached to the brain...it is different in boys and girls.) Because of this, boys and girls actually see the world differently. Boys see verbs in black; girls see nouns in full color. Have you ever given a drawing assignment? Typically boys will try to draw action...a bird flying, a rocket exploding, a volcano erupting (and they will usually draw in black). While girls will typically draw nouns with lots of color...a horse, a rainbow, a horse, a flower, a horse, a horse, a horse. Kids draw how they 'see.'
4. How they handle emotions like being upset: Boys stomp around and make lots of noise. They need to stand up if they are upset because they think better on their feet, moving around. (Which is why men pace and women do not.) So don’t make them sit down to talk about it. They can’t if you want them to work through it. If a girl is upset, you have to go find her first. He suggested that you can usually find her on the couch with a blanket pulled over her head. Her bedroom in our case. No need to search for a boy unless he took off on his bike.
Next he talked about the Science and Art of Motivation: Children are NOT lazy...children are NATURALLY industrious.
A. The Three Laws
1. Children LIKE to do what they can do (as do adults).
2. Children WANT to do what they think they can do.
Example - Mr. Pudewa WANTS to speak in front of a full coliseum of 20,000 +. He would love to be on Oprah. Why? Because he thinks he could do a good job in front of a huge audience.
3. Children HATE to do and will refuse to do something they think they cannot do.
He told a story here about a snowboarding adventure he had and why he will NEVER go snowboarding again (unless he was paid a 6 figure sum). This is the same reason I will never go skiing again. I did it once, hated it, was terrible at it, was miserably cold the whole time and I will NEVER go skiing again. I'll hang out at the lodge and have hot cocoa and coffee ready for the ones who do enjoy skiing, but I will never be on skis again! But when we're trying to get our kids to try something, what do we say? "I'm sure you could do this if you would just try." I can testify that this is not a good tactic. For myself and for my oldest son. I remember as a child when my parents would try to get me to try something new. Whether it was food or an activity. They would say things like, "Amy, I know you'll like this," or "you're missing out on so much fun." All I wanted to say was, "Will you please back off and leave me alone! I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!" And my wall would go up and I would not try whatever it was they wanted me to. Well, my oldest son, Jacob, is just like me in that regard. My husband, Jon, will try to get Jacob to try something new and I can see Jacob's wall go up the more Jon pushes. Jon is one who will try anything once, no fear, let's go have an adventure, so he doesn't understand this part of Jacob (although he is trying). But Jacob is a watch-and-see person (just like me). We have found that if we ask him to try something new and he says 'no,' we let it be. And usually, if we haven't pushed, he'll see everyone else having fun and decide to join in.
B. The Four Forms of Relevancy
1. Intrinsic - something is interesting just because it is. For boys this will be knives and swords. For girls this will probably be horses. He commented that knives and swords are universally interesting to boys. “They will invent them if they've never see them.” How many moms can attest to that? Keep swords and guns out of the house, and a boy will invent them out of a stick! Boys need to learn interesting, relevant, and applicable information. They see no reason for anything else. Mr. Pudewa said the most important motivator was to teach things that are intrinsically relevant. Those things are naturally interesting. We should go in-depth with something our children want to learn more about.
2. Inspired - something that is not too interesting to me, but a loved one is interested so I become interested from them. This is where the importance of mentors comes in. For example, Mr. Pudewa has NO interest whatsoever in Science. He thinks science is a waste of time and incredibly boring. So, should he be the one teaching science to his children? Probably not. Especially if one of his children is particularly interested in science. He needs to find a mentor/teacher for that child who will be knowledgeable and inspiring and encourage that child in his interest.
3. Contrived - create a game to learn boring things (like grammar, multiplication tables, etc.) Saying things like, "Do this or else..." leads to suffering and will likely not be motivating. Boys, especially, need a game with positive and negative results, otherwise they might decide it’s not worthwhile and decide to opt out. For example, after a writing assignment, have your child go back and find all their mis-spelled words. Pay them a certain amount for each one they find. But if there are any they don't find, take that much away and if they don't find any they must pay you $1.00. The rewards must be physical, not mental or emotional (for boys). Mental or emotional rewards will probably work for girls.
4. Enforced - using force, threats, 'you must,' and fear
C. The Two Secret Weapons
1. Communicate you love your children and are grateful for them. Smile, humor, laughter
2. The emotional bank account - give way more compliments than criticism
HOW YOU LEARN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT YOU LEARN
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