And in Other Vera News...

Some things have happened this week that I must get documented. I don't ever want to forget these subtle, yet so significant, precious moments.

It started Tuesday morning. Vera and I got up and headed to the kitchen for her yogurt and banana and my coffee. We were chit-chatting as usual...well, Vera was chit-chatting like usual. While I sat next to her wishing for two minutes of quiet while I drank my coffee. I do not like talking to people as soon as I wake up. I wouldn't say I'm grumpy (though Jon might). I just like having a few minutes of peace before I have to converse with others. I rarely get that these days. It's one of those things I miss from my former life. Anyway, Vera finished her yogurt and asked me to help her peel her banana. I started it and handed the banana back to Vera. She said 'fank uh, Mama' (thank you, Mama) and before I could say 'you're welcome' she stopped herself. She looked me straight in the eye, pointed to me and said, "No. You Mommy." She said it twice. "You Mommy." Now, that may not seem like a big deal to you. I AM her mommy, afterall. We all know that. But it took this long for Vera to know that.

We haven't pushed Vera calling me Mommy. Jon always refers to me as Mommy and the big kids still call me that. But we've never corrected Vera when she calls me Mama. I knew it was one of those things that would come with time. Well, I believed and hoped and prayed it would eventually happen. And really, with the trouble she has with the long E at the end of words, maybe it never would. Tuesday, almost 6 weeks home, it finally happened. She called me Mommy. And I have been Mommy ever since. So, what changed? What was so special about Tuesday morning? I wish I knew.

I am no longer just a caregiver to Vera. I am no longer one of the countless mamas that Vera has had over the past 6 years. I am Mommy. That is significant. Not just that she's calling me Mommy, but that she consciously, purposefully started calling me Mommy. She made sure I knew...she made sure I heard...twice...I am Mommy. It was significant for both of us. Things have been different between Vera and I since Tuesday. It's like an invisible wall came tumbling down with that one little word. Mommy. Vera will now come give me spontaneous kisses for no reason. She now comes to me, looks up at the ceiling and giggles, which means 'please kiss my neck and tickle me.' On Wednesday after Vera's appointment with the orthopedist, I was laying on the couch. For some reason I was exhausted and just wanted to rest a bit. Vera came into the living room and said, "Mommy, blanket please." Usually that means she wants her own blanket on the couch and she wants to lay somewhere other than where I am. I sat up and reached for the other blanket and asked Vera where she wanted to lay. She said, "Mommy, please" and motioned to my blanket. I lifted it up and invited her to lay next to me. That was what she wanted. She smiled huge and climbed up next to me. We laid there together exchanging kisses on our cheeks and foreheads. We whispered "I love you's" to each other. Our legs intertwined and we shared many smiles and giggles and sweet, precious moments.

Since Tuesday and me becoming Mommy, Vera has become a very thankful little thing. She thanks me for EVERYTHING. She tells me she's thirsty. I get a cup out of the cupboard. "Fank uh, Mommy." I put an ice cube in the cup. "Fank uh, Mommy." I fill the cup with water. "Fank uh, Mommy." I put a straw in the cup. "Fank uh, Mommy." I hand her the cup. "Fank uh, Mommy." Meals are the same. About every 3 or 4 bites she says, "Mmmmmm. Fank uh, Mommy." I help her onto the toilet. "Fank uh, Mommy." I help her wipe. "Fank uh, Mommy." I pull up her shorts. "Fank uh, Mommy." Are you seeing the pattern? Ever since she started calling me Mommy, she thanks me for everything I do. Every little thing. Today I let her help me stock toilet paper in the bathrooms. She thanked me. I let her help me with laundry. She thanked me. I buckled her in the van to take her to see yet another doctor. She thanked me. Something in her changed when she started calling me Mommy. Something I can't quite put my finger on, but something significant. And I am thankful.

Vera has also added lots of new words to her English vocabulary. In addition to what I shared in the Vera's Vocabulary post, she also now says

Excuse me

You're welcome

Ice

Be careful

Eyes

Drink

My room

Towel

Seat

Bone

No lick

Church

God

Bible

Jesus

Juice

Almost

Scrub

Rinse

Splash

Pillow

Blanket

Pocket

Good morning

Thirsty

I'm sure there are more. I always go blank when trying to remember all of her new words.

Once again, I do have more to tell you, but these posts always end up so much longer than what I think they will. Oh well. I am still waiting to tell you that Vera has gone a whole week without a tantrum. We get close and then on the 5th or 6th day...look out! We will have a celebration when we reach that milestone. :)

And what's a good Vera post without photos?

Vera is following in Abbi's footsteps. Abbi usually spends a good bit of time in the mornings laying (lying?) on the couch reading. One day we found Vera doing the same.

Abbi also loves to read while she eats.

She has successfully taught Vera this bad, yet cute, habit.

Vera LOVES dressing up like a princess.

It suits her, don't you think?

Pediatricians, Orthopedists, and Therapists! Oh My!

Well, two of Vera's doctor appointments have come and gone. 2 of about a gazillion if I've done my math correctly. Our first appointment was on Tuesday with the pediatrician. A friend of mine recommended this doctor to us while we were in Ukraine. This particular pediatrician has worked with lots of kids adopted from Eastern Europe and she speaks Russian. Score! At first I was a bit bummed that we couldn't get Vera in to see any doctors until this week...almost 6 weeks home. But God knows so well. We've spent the last 6 weeks at home keeping things quiet and boring, building trust. Yesterday Jon and I got to witness first-hand how much trust has been built.

So, we went to World of Pediatrics in Alpharetta...about a 45 minute drive. This was our first visit which meant lots needed to be done. When I made the appointment I was told that this will be a long visit..."it could last almost an hour." Okay. No problem. Because of the length of these appointments, the doctor prefers to do them at the end of the day. Our appointment was at 6 pm. We left the office at 8:45. Almost 3 hours. By the time we got home it was after 9:30. WAY past Vera's bedtime. On the way home Vera kept trying to lay down in the van saying, "Mommy. Please. Sleep." My thoughts exactly.

Oh, but I am NOT complaining. We LOVE Dr. Vayman! She was awesome with Vera! Everyone in the office was awesome with Vera. I have never had such personal treatment with any of the kids' doctors and staff. They were so sincere and genuine and they just loved Vera. I had been second-guessing myself thinking "maybe we should just bring Vera to our regular pediatrician. She's just down the street." But I am so glad Jon encouraged me to keep our appointment with Dr. Vayman. I can't say enough good things about her and her staff.

When we arrived we had to wait in the waiting room for a few minutes while the receptionist got all our information put into the computer. They called us back and Vera was happy and smiling...until we got to the exam room.

Fear.

Panic.

Tears.

Vera cried, shook her head and said, "No ouchie! No ouchie!" The last time she saw a doctor was last summer when she had surgery on her legs. She remembers it vividly. She remembers the incredible pain she was in. She remembers crying a lot. She remembers being angry with her nannies for sending her there. She was so scared when we walked into the little room Tuesday night. We sat down and Jon pulled Vera onto her lap. We told Vera that no one was going to hurt her. We told her we were going to talk to the doctor and then the doctor would look at her. But no one would hurt her. We told her we'd be there for just a little bit and then we'd go home and get ready for bed. We didn't want her to think we were leaving her there. Vera calmed down and stopped crying. But she was still nervous. She sat on Jon's lap and sucked on her fingers. But she did NOT freak out. She did NOT scream and tantrum. She understood us. She believed us. She trusted us.

Dr. Vayman came in and I was instantly glad we had chosen her. She went right to Vera, looked her in the eye and started speaking to her. Vera smiled big when Dr. Vayman spoke Russian to her. This was another big answer to prayer. Really the main reason I was second guessing where we should take Vera for her first pediatrician appointment - I've heard many stories of kids hearing their native language after being adopted and being filled with fear that they were being sent back to the orphanage. They regressed. It was like starting all over...just from hearing their native language. I wasn't really worried that Vera would regress, but the thought was certainly in the back of my mind. What if...

I had no reason to worry! We could tell Vera was still nervous, but she never cried again. Dr. Vayman went back and forth speaking Russian and English to Vera. Vera answered most of the questions in English. Dr. Vayman was impressed with how much English Vera already knows. When it was time to put Vera on the table to check her over, she panicked a bit, but Jon and I were both right there with her. She calmed right down. She let the doctor do the exam and then it was just adult talk for a long time. Vera was so patient. Dr. Vayman was able to tell me some things I didn't know from the medical records from the orphanage that didn't get translated. She was great about waiting on some things for us. We wanted this to be a good experience for Vera and asked for a no needle visit this time. Next week we'll begin all the tests. They will need to take lots of blood from poor, little Vera to check her for everything under the sun. And the best part (not!) is the stool samples. I get to collect six, count 'em, SIX stool samples over the next 2 weeks. They have to be collected 3 days apart from each other and taken to the lab within 3 days. Jon will get to do the dropoffs...the lab is close to his work. Aren't you envious now? Stool samples. Fun times, people. Fun times. Oh, and Vera also got to pee in a cup...what a fun experience. We have a seat for Vera at home because she can't yet hold herself up on the toilet. Well, I couldn't hold Vera on the toilet AND hold the cup underneath her so Jon got to hold her while I held the cup. While Vera told us how silly we are.

Yesterday morning I had to wake Vera up (which is a sin in the Evans family...similar to waking a sleeping baby) to take her to see the orthopedist for the first time. She opened her eyes, looked at me and said, "No bye bye. No bye bye." Poor thing. She has no idea what's in store for her. I told her it would be a short bye bye and not long like the night before. If only I had known...

Jon met us at the office. Vera did great again. Praise the Lord! No fear yesterday. No tears. Not even when the doctor examined her little legs. The orthopedist was great with Vera and we LOVE him! They took a few X-rays of Vera and she did GREAT! Her spine is perfectly straight (thank You, Lord) and her hips are in perfect position (thank You again, Lord)! That may not be the case as she grows. If her thigh muscles tighten up when she has growth spurts, they could pull her hips out of alignment. But we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. The orthopedist wrote prescriptions for Vera's AFO's (leg braces) and also referred us to a neurologist and physiatrist (bet you don't know what THAT is!). He also wrote prescriptions for physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy.

Did you hear that? I hear it in my sleep.

Cha ching. Cha ching. Cha ching.

After we saw the orthopedist, we went next door to make an appointment to get Vera fitted for her AFO's. I am so excited to finally get her in the AFO's. I'm not looking forward to the fights that I'm sure we're going to have in the beginning, but I cannot wait to get her legs straight and get her walking easier. I filled out paperwork and the receptionist told me someone would be right with me. We were SO thankful they could get Vera in RIGHT THEN to be fitted and we didn't have to schedule another appointment. The man who took care of us was wonderful with Vera. She was so tired by this point and we kept telling her we were almost done and then we'd go home and have lunch. The orthotist was great and explained everything he was doing as he was doing it. Our only (very minor) annoyance was how he added 'ums' to the end of every other word. "Okay Vera. Now I just need to get my scissor-ums and cut-ums this off of your leg-ums. Yep." I am not exaggerating. That's how he talked to her the whole time. And he added 'yep' to the end of EVERY sentence. When we left and Vera and I were saying goodbye to Jon, I told him to have fun at work-ums, yep. Anyway, we got to pick the pattern and color for Vera's AFO's...no yucky white for the princess! We (I) chose pretty pink with lavender butterflies. And of course the straps will be pink.

Vera sees the opthamologist tomorrow. I would really appreciate prayers. For some reason I am really nervous about this appointment. I spent this morning making appointments with the neurologist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, speech therapist, etc. I almost have our insurance information memorized. If you saw my calendar, you would cry. I almost did by the time I was done making all the appointments. I still need to schedule her first dentist appointment. Sigh. Oh, and we start school on Monday. Welcome to life at the Evans!

Last but not least, here are some pictures of the kids. My grandma's birthday is next week, and I wanted to send pictures in her card. Vera was SO excited when I told her we were going to take pictures.

If you've ever heard her giggle, you can almost hear it when you look at this photo.

My four treasures.

Turning a Corner

It's easy for me to get lost in the frustrations of being Vera's mommy. It's easy for me to get caught up in the constant attention she requires. It's easy for me to become jealous that if Vera has the choice between Jon and I, she'll always choose Jon. It's easy for me to feel sorry for myself and long for my old, easy life. The life I knew how to live. The life that required little effort from me most days. The life that allowed me to be self-centered, lazy and apathetic.

When Vera argues or cries or gets into everything or has tantrums, it's hard for me to remember where she came from. It's hard to remember that Vera had nothing. It's hard to remember in the heat of the moment that she was abandoned by her birth mother. It's hard to remember that Vera was born in a country that does not cater to disabled people or those with special needs. It's hard to remember that Vera was an orphan for 6 years. Who knows how many caretakers she's had. She spent 3 months in the hospital after she was born. How many nurses came and went in those 3 months? Vera lived in her orphanage for 6 years. She would've started in the baby room...how many nannies took care of her? At some point she was probably moved to an older baby/toddler room. She would've had a new group of nannies taking care of her. How many times did she switch rooms and groups during her 6 years at the baby home? How many women have been 'mama' to Vera?

It's not always easy for me to have compassion for Vera. Most days, my patience is in very short supply. I'm constantly praying for MORE compassion and MORE patience.

God granted my request in a way I was dreading. He sent Jon out of town. For 3 days.

I was dreading this trip. Dreading. It.

No back up. For 3 days.

No relief at the end of the day. For 3 days.

Woe is me.

Woe is Vera.

Trouble started at 7:40 last night. Vera wanted Jon to help her brush her teeth. I reminded her that Daddy went bye bye that morning and he couldn't help her. She begged. "Please. Daddy, teeth." She cried. We tried to call Jon but he was driving through mountains in a thunderstorm and didn't have reception. He was trying to call us at the same time we were trying to call him. Vera sobbed all through brushing teeth. I was going to just skip it, but she insisted. She cried going potty. She cried drinking her bedtime water. She didn't want big hugs from the kids. We rocked for a bit and then I carried her off to bed and laid her down. She cried. She sobbed. She begged for Daddy. "Daddy, please. Loobaloo (her version of I love you). Please, Daddy. Loobaloo. Pleeeeeeaaasse. Daddy, please." Oh. Break. My. Heart. It went on for over an hour. If any of you had witnessed it, I know you would've been crying too. Jon's heart hurt when I told him how bedtime went. We knew it was too soon for him to be gone, but he didn't have a choice.

It was in those long moments of hearing Vera's uncontrollable sobs and begging for Daddy that compassion came. In full force. I was reminded of her past. I was reminded of her abandonment. I was reminded of her life at the orphanage. My poor girl. Did she think Jon had left her too? Along with her birthmother? Along with all the families that had come for her and left?

Vera woke up very early today wandering the house. She was looking for Jon. She cried and begged for Daddy some more. I made her lay back down and I stayed with her. She never went back to sleep, but she did calm down. We got up an hour and a half later and had a mostly good day. Though I was preparing myself all day for a very long night. I figured the 2nd night was going to be much worse than the first. Especially since this afternoon I had to break the news to Vera that not only is Daddy gone, but Abbi too would leave for the night. Abbi went to a slumber party tonight. Vera noticed that Abbi's toothbrush was missing. Where was it? I explained that Abbi was going to a friend's house to sleep and she had to bring her toothbrush with her. I showed her a picture of Abbi's friend. I told Vera that in the morning after breakfast, we'll go get Abbi and bring her home. Vera stuck out her bottom lip and cried. "No Abbi bye bye. No Abbi bye bye." She asked if Jacob was leaving too. And what about Caleb? Is he going bye bye? And then she asked me with tears on her face

Is Mommy going bye bye too?

No, baby, Mommy is not leaving. Mommy is staying with Vera.

Sigh.

WE know we will never leave Vera. But does SHE know that? And if she doesn't know that yet, how long will it take?

After Vera's long, sad bedtime last night, I asked the Vera's Journey Home group to pray for her. Many people did. And many people offered up suggestions about how to help Vera with Jon's absence. We'll definitely be better prepared next time (which hopefully won't be for several months)! Even though I knew people were praying, I was still anticipating a very long, hard night with Vera.

Oh me of little faith. Shame on me!

She was a champ! She brushed teeth, went potty, got her drink, gave the boys hugs...all with a smile on her sweet little face. I was still bracing myself. We went to her room and got PJ's on. We hugged and kissed and I laid her down. I turned out the light and laid on the floor next to her bed. I waited for the crying to begin. I waited for her to cry for Daddy. She didn't. Vera swayed for just a few minutes, rolled onto her side and went to sleep. Just like that. No jerking, no kicking. (Last night was very violent in that regard.) Just peaceful sleep in a matter of minutes. I always know when she's asleep because I can't hear her sucking her fingers. I checked on her after 10 minutes of silence and her hand was laying in front of her mouth. She was out. I was amazed. She has not gone to sleep that peacefully in the 5 weeks that we've had her. I laid back down on the pillow and cried out thanks to God. He is so faithful. He is so loving. He is so compassionate. He heard all those prayers for Vera and He answered abundantly. He is truly with Vera tonight. His presence was there as my tears fell into her hair as I kissed her forehead and pulled the blanket up around her.

Even though I wish Jon didn't have to leave so soon after bringing Vera home, I am thankful. I am thankful that Vera is obviously attached to Jon. I am thankful that when he was asked to leave for TWO WEEKS, including the weekend in between weeks, Jon said NO WAY, no how, ain't gonna happen. This 3 day trip was the compromise. I am thankful that Jon's time away has allowed more bonding to happen between Vera and I. We turned a corner while Jon has been gone. She has spent much more time relaxing in my lap. She has let me be much more affectionate with her. She has let me comfort her in her sadness. I am thankful for renewed compassion for Vera. I needed these reminders. When my compassion is lacking, God has an ocean of it for me to swim in. When my patience fails, God's patience is perfect and He wants to share it with me.

I am especially thankful for the many people who have prayed for Vera. I hope you will continue to pray for her tomorrow. God obviously wants to answer! We still have one more day and night to get through before Jon returns. And now I'm looking forward to seeing what God will do in Vera's life tomorrow!

Vera's Vocabulary

Many of you want to know how communication is with Vera. It's going pretty well, actually. Vera understands just about everything we tell her. And if we don't know what Vera is saying to us, we can usually figure it out with a little help.

These are the words/phrases that Vera says in English consistently. We've had her for almost 5 weeks and been home almost 4. I cannot wait to have a normal conversation with her!

Vera says all of our names, though she still has trouble with the long E sound when it's the 2nd syllable of a word. So Abbi sounds like Abbuh. Toby is Tobuh. Every once in awhile she'll say their names correctly, but usually not. She can say other words with a long E sound like 'eat' and 'sleep' with no problem. She also has trouble with the hard J (the Russian language doesn't have that sound) so Jacob comes out Sacob most of the time.

She also says:

No :)

Mine

Please (working on Thank You but there is no 'th' sound in Russian so it usually comes out Fank You.)

Okay

Again

Open/Close

Hi/Hello/Bye bye

Night night

Bed

Sleep

Pajamas

Car

Stroller

Closet (she loves to play in the closet)

Kitty (though it sounds more like Kila - rhymes with Sheila)

Dog

Sit (comes out 'sot'...working on it)

Eat

Cherries

Yogurt

Banana

Apple

Pasta

Yummy

Yucky

Tickle

Clean/Dirty

Potty/Poo poo

Watch

Trash

Look

Light

On/Off

Book

School

Foot

Spoon

Cup

Brush

Silly

Gentle

Bath/shower

Shampoo

Soap

Sticker

Socks

Shoes

Hot/cold

Show me (she says this when she wants us to show her something AND when she wants to show us something)

Big hug

All done

Silly dog

Good boy (to Toby)

Toby hush

Too big

No touch

One more

Excuse me

It seems like there are more, but my mind has gone blank. Not a bad list for such a short time home...in my opinion anyway. We're pretty sure she'll need speech therapy, but she's doing very well so far. She still doesn't put more than two words together, unless one of our names is included. We're working on I love you (she tries but can't put it all together), counting to 10, come here, drink, water, give and a few other things that she says multiple times a day in Russian.

Edit: Since posting this yesterday, I thought of a few more words that Vera says:

Push

Soup

Vitamins

Salad

Bubbles

Swim

Coffee