Faith, Hope, Sorrow and Joy

Okay, I know I didn't end my last post at the best of times, but it was rather long and I couldn't figure out another way to close...

Anyway...

All of my feelings and emotions during our 'limbo' really had me questioning my faith. Well, maybe not my faith, but my hope. There were moments when I did feel completely hopeless, that we would never be able to bring Leanna home. Every time I cried or wanted to cry I wondered, where is my faith? Where is my hope? If I really believe God is in control and if I really trust Him, why am I reacting this way? Could I fully trust God AND be so full of grief at the same time?

So, I went in search of what the Bible had to say about it. In 1 Peter 1, Peter talks about grieving over our trials. "...you have been grieved by various trials so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." My grief through this trial has not only tested the genuineness of my faith, but will result in praise and glory of Jesus Christ. Wow!

Romans 9:1 could've been written for me in those weeks of turmoil, "I am speaking the truth in Christ - I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit - that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart." Yep. If that isn't Paul grieving, I don't know what is. Yet in 2 Corinthians 6:10, he mentions being sorrowful, yet always rejoicing. What?! You can be sorrowful and rejoice at the same time?! Could it be that my sorrow was godly?

I must mention here, that on April 8, when I first learned about the possibility of Russia suspending adoptions, some very good friends of ours received their referral to adopt a baby boy from Ethiopia. Their referral was not expected until much later this year, and the fact that they received it so soon was a mighty act of God. And I praised Him. And I rejoiced with Demer and Dana. Wholeheartedly. I couldn't have been more excited for them if their baby boy was mine. The very same day that my heart was breaking, the hearts of my friends swelled with joy and excitement. In hindsight, I believe God caused their good news and our bad news to happen on the same day for me. I was forced to recognize that God controls it all...the good and the bad. And no matter what, He is always trustworthy. And I learned that I can be joyful and sorrowful at the same time. And I learned that my grief did not mean my faith was wavering. It just meant that I am human, just the way my Creator made me.

Oh, and we can't leave out Job. If anyone had the right to grieve, it was Job. He lost his health, wealth, and children in the same moment. He responded by tearing his robe and shaving his head. This was a grieving man. I think I finally understand where he was coming from when he said, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Indeed. Poor Job was left with a wife who told him to 'curse God and die.' Lovely. His response to her (after calling her a foolish woman) was, "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Exactly!

Here is what John Piper has to say about joy in sadness:

I do not claim that this experience is simple or that we can even put it into adequate words—what it means to be joyful in sorrow. Heaving sobs at the loss of a loved one does not look like joy. Indeed is not joy in its fullness, as we will know it when “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).

...This groaning and grieving is godly if it is molded by our delight in hope of glory (Romans 5:2-3). The delight is muffled by the pain.

So let us embrace whatever sorrow God appoints for us. Let us not be ashamed of tears. Let the promise that joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5) sustain and shape our grief with the power and goodness of God.

I found this to be very encouraging...I hope you do too.

I suppose I should also let you know the latest news from Russia. The Russian Parliament defeated a motion to suspend adoptions to the US. Adoptions, at least in St. Petersburg, have not slowed down since this whole ordeal began. The US delegation has had several meetings in Moscow and they're hoping to reach an agreement by the end of the month, although it will take a few months to finalize everything. So, we are continuing to watch and pray as we plug through our paperwork...I'm hoping to have everything to our agency by the end of the month, but Jon still has quite a bit to do and no time to do it. I'm trying to be patient. In the meantime, Leanna does get to come this summer and should arrive on June 25 or 26. I'll keep you posted...