The Sugar Connection

Jon and I are a little slow sometimes. We admit it. We roll with it. You know how some people say that children suck out your brain power? Well, I think adopted children suck out whatever brain power you have left.

I've been meaning to start a journal to keep track of Vera's tantrums. But it's hard to know exactly what to keep track of. Anything could be a trigger, so what do I write down? We think we've stumbled on to a big clue.

Sugar.

The Friday before Valentine's Day, the kids and I went to a Valentine party with an awesome homeschool group. Lots of fun and sugar was involved. After lunch, Vera had a sprinkle covered marshmallow and a cookie. Vera participated in her first Valentine exchange and kept asking "Why peepa give me pwesents?" She had a blast! She came home with lots of candy that we put in a ziploc bag and tucked safely in one of her dresser drawers. Sometime after we got home that day, Vera had a huge tantrum. She hadn't had one like that in awhile and I was wondering what in the world set it off.

Two days later, we went out for dinner where Vera had half a scoop of ice cream at the end of the meal. Let's just say bedtime that night was less than fun. It was worse than a normal less-than-fun bedtime, if that makes any sense. The next morning Vera asked if she could have a piece of candy. I said 'no' to which she replied with her favorite word. 'Why?' So I told her that I've noticed the past few times that she's had something sugary she has ended up having a tantrum and doing lots of screaming. I told her that maybe we'd try again sometime soon. Maybe. Maybe not. Well, the next day was her Valentine's party at co-op. Her teacher began the afternoon with candy for the whole class. Great. I didn't want Vera to be left out so I told her she could have a piece but that I didn't want to hear any screaming later. Chuckle. It was a good thought. Well, you guessed it. Later that afternoon she had a huge screaming tantrum. I removed the bag of candy from her dresser drawer and told her she would not be having any candy for a Very. Long. Time.

Vera's Valentine Stash.

By my estimations this is the equivalent of about 3 dozen tantrums.

Later, when she was calm we had a talk about the candy and I explained to her again why I had taken it away and put it in the pantry. She did understand and was able to tell back to me what had happened and why. Whenever Vera has a consequence for disobedience or defiance or whatever the case may be, we try to have her tell back to us why she received the consequence. I remember the first time I did this. I asked Vera why she had just had a timeout. She responded, "Mommy..." I immediately interrupted her and told her she did not have a timeout because of Mommy. I asked her to try again.

"Vera, why did you have a timeout?"

"Because Mommy..."

"No, your timeout was not Mommy's fault. Why did you have a timeout?"

"Because Mommy..."

"Vera, you did not have a timeout because of Mommy. Why did you have a timeout?"
Finally, Vera lowered her face and stuck out her bottom lip - "Me no obey Mommy."

It's been helpful (we think) to help Vera understand that her choices can have consequences or her choices can have blessings. In the beginning she just didn't get (or pretended not to get) that her consequences were a result of HER choices. She used to blame everything on anyone else, including the cat or dog.

Anyway, Vera knew exactly why I had taken away her candy. And then she told me

"In Ukraine, me scream me get candy."

Bingo!

Do you remember what the nannies at Vera's baby house would do when she had a tantrum?

They would give her candy if she quit screaming.

Do you remember a few months ago when I figured out what Vera would ask for during her screaming tantrums?

Yep. Candy.

Hmmmm...even after this little statement from Vera, it didn't click with me. As I said, I'm a little slow these days. Perhaps I need some candy.

Anyway, Jon had been in and out of town and I hadn't been able to tell him yet about my sugar/tantrum theory. We went out to lunch last Friday and Jon got cookies for all of us. He gave Vera half a cookie and I made a mental note to talk to Jon later about Vera and sweets and my new suspicion. I didn't have to worry about remembering. Vera reminded me. I asked Jon to stop at Home Depot after lunch so I could run in and get some paint. When I came out of Home Depot, I could hear it. The screaming. This girl has some lungs, let me tell you! I got in the van and Jon said he didn't know what had set it off. Well, he knew, but it shouldn't have led to the screaming. I told him I knew exactly why she was screaming and that I'd tell him when we got home and he could hear me. She screamed the whole way home. Lovely.

As Jon and I were talking about it later, I remembered the conversation where Vera told me that in Ukraine when she screamed she would get candy. I said it's interesting that now she gets candy and inevitably has a screaming fit shortly afterwards. There must be a connection somewhere, don't you think? It just seems like it's related somehow...

In Ukraine, screaming = candy. Here, candy = screaming.

If any of you have any insight into this, please share. We're always looking for possible explanations to Vera's behaviors. Do any of you have kids who react this way with sugar?

A little sweetness without the sugar.

LOVE these girls!