Be AMAZED!!!

Most of you have already read this. I wanted to put it here on the blog because one day VERY SOON I will be able to open this up to the public again. One day VERY SOON Leanna will be home and I won't have to worry about visitors from Moscow reading my entries. One day VERY SOON I pray that this testimony encourages others on their adoption journey.

Not to us, Lord, not to us but to YOUR NAME be the glory, because of Your love and FAITHFULNESS! Psalm 115:1

Get your dancing shoes on! There will be much celebrating tonight! There has been all day as God has repeatedly shown Himself in ways that only He can do. I have been trying to get this all written down, but as I type, I get email after email of more donations coming in thru our Lifesong/Harbins grant. I have been crying all afternoon. Amazing! Today has just been amazing! And so overwhelming!

But let me back up to yesterday. I must admit I was still a bit discouraged yesterday at church. I had sent out an email on Saturday to lots of people asking for help and hadn’t had a response to it. Nothing. Some of you know about the horrible week Jon and I had last week. I won’t bore you with the details. I’ll just say that the events of last week had me asking, “Why, Lord? Why are You allowing these things to happen? Why now?” I cried at least once a day last week. Which isn’t the norm. The no-good, horrible, very bad week was capped off on Friday at 5:10 when our adoption agency called and said we could go ahead and send in the $16,500 on Monday to ensure we get a court date before February 18. Sure. Just send it in. Like $16,500 is no big deal. We knew the deadline was coming. We weren’t surprised by the call. We just thought we’d have the money by the time the deadline rolled around. Well, we didn’t need the money on Friday. We needed it today. God had it all under control this whole time.

Last week’s events also brought me to the end of myself. I had nowhere else to turn except to God. I have no doubt that is right where He wanted me all along. He just had to get me there. I laid a fleece out before Him and basically said that I am done. If He wants this adoption to happen, then He is just going to have to provide the money. I’m not asking anyone for any more money (and we all know how that turned out). I told Him that if the money is here on Monday, then we’ll proceed. If it’s not here…well, I guess we’re done. Friends and family have asked us what we’re doing to raise this money. My answer lately has been, “I’m praying.” That usually gets a raised eyebrow. Like, that’s ALL you’re doing? What ELSE are you doing? How are you going to raise the rest of the money you need? “I don’t know. I’m praying.” This whole experience has me asking many questions. Is praying enough? Is it wrong to expect God to answer my prayers? Is it wrong to expect Him to provide? Is it wrong to expect Him to be faithful? Was it wrong to lay that fleece before Him? To basically demand that He provide ‘or else’? Was that putting Him to the test? And what is the difference between putting Him to the test in Luke 4 (where Jesus says not to do it) and Malachi 3 (where the Lord says ‘test Me in this’)?

Many, many questions.

The only good thing that came out of last week was that we were approved for a matching grant through our church adoption fund with Lifesong for Orphans. If we received $2,500 in donations, our church fund would match that amount, giving us $5,000.

So yesterday…we got home from church and I quickly checked my email before we headed to the park. One of the groups I had sent the Saturday email to (that I thought I had no responses to) was a homeschool group that we joined just this month. One of the moms had responded to my email to the whole group and basically said that there are 250 families in this group. If each family gave just $50 to the Evans, they’ll have what they need. I also got emails from a few other families saying they were ‘in’ and had already donated to our fund. Keep in mind, we are new to this group and I only know 4 or 5 families so far. The people who responded are people I have never met. Okay, that got Jon and I a little excited. We loaded up the kids and dog and headed to the park. While walking I was thinking about that email and what a great idea it was. So I started praying that God would raise up $50 families to give. If 250 families gave $50, that would be $12,500! $50 families. That would work! A little while later, I thought, “Why limit it to $50 families?!” And I started praying for $5 families, $20 families, $100 families and even $1,000 families.

We got home from the park and Jon’s phone rang. A friend knew someone who wanted to donate $1,000 to us and needed the Lifesong info.

We heard from several more people yesterday who said they were going to donate and some told us how much they planned to give. We knew God had already matched the $2,500 by the time we went to bed last night!

Right before I went to bed, I got an email from a friend. She said she had money for me and that it wasn’t much, but it was all they could do right now. Guess how much she gave? $50!

I went to bed completely excited for today to get here so we could see God work. I KNEW He was going to do something HUGE! He did not disappoint!

The day started out like a normal Monday. The kids had band. I checked my email before we left hoping for an update from Lifesong. No such luck.

We got home and Jon called saying he had talked to Lifesong and our fund had received $2,200 (which means we had $4,400 total). Well, AWESOME! But, really? Only $2,200? What happened to the people we talked to yesterday? Did they forget to write our name on their donations? We were expecting so much more. Oh well. THANK YOU, LORD! We’re $4,400 closer!

And then it started.

God.

Answered prayer.

An AMAZED Evans family.

The following happened in less than 5 minutes today…

Lifesong had emailed me a list of the people who had given so far. I didn’t even recognize half the names. While I was reading the list, Leah (with Lifesong) emailed me again and said she checked our account again and we had received $1,500 more. WOW! Our total with the matching grant was up to $6100!

Meanwhile, I kept getting emails from people saying, ‘I just donated to your fund…’

THEN I got a combination of phone calls and emails that put me over the edge. Apparently more money had been given to our church adoption fund yesterday and our pastor called Lifesong and asked that they bump up the matching grant.

Lifesong agreed.

Our matching grant is now $4,300, which means we could receive $8,600.

Enter tears of joy.

Hallelujahs.

Dancing.

Laughter thru tears.

Saying ‘thank You’ is so insufficient in moments like this.

I quit emailing updates to Jon because it was changing every minute.

I emailed Lifesong at 4:30 for an update, but I haven’t heard back. I guess they were gone already.

So, as of 2:23 this afternoon, we only need about $5,000 more. But I have heard from several more people since then saying they donated or plan to.

Okay, see? Every time I try to give a total, it changes within a minute. Jon just received another call from another family who just donated $1,000. So, as far as we know, we only need $4,000 more.

So, go get your dancing shoes on and celebrate with us!

Sing praises to God with us!

Laugh through tears with us!

Thank Him with us!

I will say it again, because it is the only thing I can think right now…

Not to us.

Not.

To.

Us.

But to YOUR NAME be the glory, because of YOUR love and FAITHFULNESS!

If you’d like to jump on the giving bandwagon, use this link (http://lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html ) and be sure to put Evans/#1827. All donations thru Lifesong are tax deductible. If we receive more than the $4,300 for our matching grant, it will still go into our account. It just won’t be matched. After today’s $16,500, we’ll need at least $10,000 for our remaining two trips.

Me and Moses

I have become a bit obsessed with Moses the past few weeks. Jon and I teach 6 - 8 year olds on Sunday mornings and we began Exodus last week. This week I've been preparing our lesson about the burning bush in Exodus 3 and 4. If you're not familiar with the story, Moses is 80 years old when God speaks to him through a bush that is on fire, but does not burn up. God tells Moses that he is to deliver the Israelites from slavery in Egypt. I am fascinated with Moses' response. Remember awhile ago when I talked about Mary and my admiration of her? The angel tells her that she will give birth to God Himself and her response is simply, "May it be to me as you have said." Well, Moses is not that easy to convince. First, he says, "Who am I that I should bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" Reminds me of myself in so many ways. How many times have I asked the Lord this past year, "Who am I to adopt an almost 15 year old girl and be her mom? What am I thinking? What are YOU thinking, God? Who am I to think I can do this?"

Who.

Am.

I?

God responds.

"I will be with you." Of course! That's it! It's not *I* who will be doing this. It is God.

Moses, on the other hand...oh, Moses. I understand so well. He is just full of what ifs and buts, much like myself. But she's almost 15! But we don't have the money! What about school? How is this going to work? What if I can't give her all she needs? What if she resents us for bringing her away from all she's ever known? What if the other 3 resent us for bringing Leanna here? What if she doesn't make friends? I could go on and on.

What gets me about Moses is that God answers each and every one of his what ifs and buts. God gives him clear direction and tells him EXACTLY what to do if each what if happens. We're talking very specific details here. God is not vague at all with Moses. He says over and over, "If this happens, do that. If that happens, do this." God even tells Moses exactly what to say. I would feel so much better if God would speak to me, no burning bush needed, and answer all of my what ifs. Here's how to raise the money. Here's what to do about school. Here's how it will work. If she resents you, do this. If the others resent you, say this. If she doesn't make friends, do that.

I am truly praying for some sort of burning bush conversation with God and that He will be very specific with me when Leanna comes home.

Well, apparently God's very clear instructions to Moses did not give him confidence that He could do the task God was asking of him. After going on and on with objections and receiving all the answers in Exodus 3:11 until 4:12 (that's 23 verses), Moses finally pleads, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." I can hear his desperation. I can feel it. I think I have said those words myself. O Lord, please send someone else to be Leanna's mother. I am so inept. I cannot do it. Surely there is someone more qualified. Someone stronger. Someone better. Someone more pleasing to You. I am not patient enough. I am rebellious. I am lazy. I am scared. So scared. What if this doesn't work? What if she rejects me? What if she says she wants to go back to Russia? This task is enormous...what if I fail?

What

if

I

fail?

In the end, God sent Aaron, Moses' brother, to help him. But Moses still had challenges. He had big fears to face. God didn't tell him it was going to be easy, and it wasn't. It was far from easy. But for a long while (the rest of his life as far as I can tell), God told Moses exactly what to do and say. How I pray He does the same for me when Leanna comes home. The Israelites turned on Moses many times, over and over, saying things like, "May the Lord look upon you and judge you!" and "What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt?!" They stopped listening to him. They were ungrateful. They blamed him for all their trouble after the exodus from slavery. They argued with him. They rebelled. They were difficult.

Even with all the miracles they witnessed. I'm sorry, but I just don't understand how a group of people can be a part of things like this and still grumble and rebel. I would just be in awe. Like in Exodus 14, God drove back the Red Sea all night and divided the waters. The Israelites went through the sea on dry ground with a wall of water on their right and their left. Can you even imagine that? They complained of hunger so God rained down bread from heaven for them so they didn't starve. What a sight that must've been! They complained about wanting meat. God sent them quail. Without so much as a thank you, they complained about being thirsty. God told Moses to strike a rock and when he did, water poured from it for them to drink. Still no record of the Israelites being thankful.

That is the kind of people God told Moses to lead. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Okay, I guess I can see why Moses wanted someone else to do it. He had a clue (as do I) as to what God was really asking of him.

But through it all, Moses did not fail.

God was with Moses.

Through. It. All.

Every. Step. Of. The. Way.

God never left him.

The rebellion of the Israelites goes on and on for some time. I don't know how long, but I love what happens in Exodus 33. At this point, I think Moses would have good reason to throw in the towel. The people God told him to lead had become corrupt. After all they had seen up to this point, they quickly turned away from God and worshiped a golden calf. They bowed down to it and sacrificed to it. After they had seen the Lord's great power and mighty hand over and over and over. What were they thinking?! I'm sure Moses was running out of patience. I'm sure he was thinking something like, "See, Lord? I told you I couldn't do it! I've done everything You said to do and LOOK at them! I'm done. Finished. They're all Yours. See ya!" But just when Moses needed it, God revealed Himself. In verse 33:18 Moses says, "Now show me Your glory." Seems a bit bold, doesn't it? Moses demanding something from God like that? I can't help but wonder what was going through his head. Was it like, "Okay, I've done everything You've told me to do all these years. It's been hard. They've rejected me over and over. I'm tired. I'm empty. Now, what are You gonna do for me?" And do you know what the Lord does? I just love this!

Verse 19 says, "And He said, "I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The LORD.' "

All of God's goodness passed before Moses. WOW! I mean...wow! That probably made all the trouble worthwhile. I might add that right after this something finally clicked with the Israelites and they began listening to Moses and doing what he says without argument.

I can't help but wonder when my, "Show me Your glory" moment will happen. I know it will. It's inevitable. But how long will it take? What all will take place to drive me to that point? How many times will Leanna argue with me? How many times will she be difficult? Ungrateful. Rebellious.

Moses died at the age of 120. Deuteronomy 34:12 has some final words about him.

"For no one has ever shown the mighty power or performed the awesome deeds that Moses did in the sight of all Israel."

Doesn't sound like failure to me.