Our Trip to Russia - Part Two

As you all should know, we have had many fundraisers since we began the process to adopt Leanna way back in January. From yard sales to puzzle pieces (which are still available for sponsoring, by the way) to yard sales to jars to fill with change and back to yard sales. When we got the news that we were to be in St. Petersburg in a mere 10 days, we went into a bit of panic mode…for just a day. Our first order of business was to apply for our Visas. It just so happened that that week the Russian Consolate had a two-day holiday, which meant they wouldn’t even LOOK at our Visa applications until the following Monday…and we needed them back by Thursday. Which meant that instead of applying for 8-day processing which would have cost $400 for both, we had to apply for 3-day processing…which cost $1,100 for both. Great. Then, of course, we had to arrange our flights. At that time we were looking at around $2,400 for both tickets. Some friends of ours had offered us their buddy passes…which would’ve reduced the cost to about $940 for both tickets. But it also meant we would fly standby. It was a tough decision. We only had so much money in our adoption fund. Do we go the cheaper route and hope we make it there in time for our meeting with the Social Committee? Or do we bite the bullet and pay full price for guaranteed seats? I did what any woman would do. I called a good friend for advice. She agreed it was a tough call. Then I told her that Jon had almost enough Skymiles for one ticket. We were a mere 2,000 miles short. My friend said, “My sister travels all the time. Let me call her and see if she’ll transfer some miles to you.” To make a long story short, after a round of emails my friend’s sister (who I met one time many years ago) had transferred enough miles to us for BOTH tickets. We paid the transfer fee and after all was said and done, we paid $715 for TWO round trip tickets to St. Petersburg.

But wait…the story gets better.

At the end of the week we paid our translator for her WONDERFUL services. Oksana is amazing…we both grew to love her over the week. After we paid her, we realized that we weren’t going to have enough money to pay our driver the next day. We knew when we left that it was going to be close...how much we had in our adoption fund versus how much we would need for the trip. We were short for a few reasons, but we really thought that since this was how much we had, then we would not need any more for the trip. We both figured that God knew how much money we had in our fund and He wouldn't let our need surpass that. Well...it didn't happen that way. We were short. About $400 short. We didn’t really have a choice, so we visited the ATM that night. There’s always the credit card, right? Although I don’t believe it’s God’s plan for us to go into debt to adopt Leanna. It seems like if He has called us to this, then He will also provide everything we need…right? But here we were…$400 short.

Meanwhile, back here in Georgia a few of our friends had been inspired to hold a yard sale and give the proceeds to our adoption fund. That is rather an amazing story in itself. They didn’t plan on having the yard sale for a few more weeks. But it just so happened that everything was ready, so the yard sale happened last Saturday. The very day we handed over $400 that we didn’t really have. Well, I guess it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened. Their yard sale raised over $400. $458 to be exact. Isn’t that awesome?!

But wait…the story gets EVEN BETTER!

Jon just finished working on our budget and getting everything input and separating everything we spent last week between adoption related and personal spending. Guess how much we have left in our adoption fund after receiving the check for $458? About $57. And guess how much we need right now to get a bit more paperwork done that Oksana told us about…$58. Once again, we have just what we need!! WOO HOO!!

I hope you will join us today in giving thanks to God…on Thanksgiving Day…how appropriate. He has provided our every need throughout this process. And I’m not just talking about financial need. I know He will continue to provide. He has increased our faith over and over. We have over $16,000 due in January and expect to take our second trip at the end of January or early February. I have no idea where all this money will come from. But I am waiting expectantly and eagerly for Him to show me.

Our Trip to Russia - Part One

Jon and I made it safely home from St. Petersburg on Sunday, November 21st. It was a long two days of travel home (spent 12 hours at the Amsterdam airport…with mice…but that’s a story for another day), and we are so thankful to be back in America. Where it’s okay to be Christian, Baptist homeschoolers. :)

Our trip was good, hard, emotional and exhausting. I think I had built up Leanna’s orphanage in my mind. All this time so many people have told us that Leanna is in ‘the best’, ’nicest’ orphanage in St. Pete. After our first day there, Jon and I said that if this is the best, we don’t want to see any others. The surroundings are…dismal. Old, rundown,dirty. It’s not terrible or anything…just very depressing. The bathrooms reek of urine. I wanted to cry when we walked into Leanna's room but I kept a smile on my face. All this time I've had peace knowing Leanna is in a 'good' place. My peace was erased last week. Leanna needs to come home.
One thing that hit me was that her orphanage is not a home. All this time I've had a completely different picture of orphanage life in my head. Like, I pictured the caregivers and cooks living there with the kids. Doing life with the kids. Loving the kids. Well, duh. They don't. To them it's a job. A place to work. A way to earn money and pay the bills. The orphanage is a business. It's run like a business, not a home. I don't know where I got my false impressions from. Maybe I just created my own little scenario to cope with the reality of this long process. But my glasses aren't rose-colored anymore. Reality has come. And with reality comes such sorrow and sadness. This is Leanna's life. This is how and where she lives. I needed to see this. No more denial for me. Leanna is NOT in a good place.
We got to meet Leanna’s great-grandmother, who took care of Leanna after her mother died when she was one. Two years ago she gave up her rights and put Leanna in the orphanage. She was just too old to take care of Leanna. Meeting Valya (short for Valentina) was one of the most precious experiences of my life. I held back tears that whole afternoon. I was incredibly nervous about meeting her not knowing what kind of reception we would receive. Was she happy Leanna was being adopted by Americans? Was she upset that Leanna would be leaving Russia? The women at Leanna’s orphanage were very concerned about how we would keep up the relationship between Leanna and her great-grandmother. How did Babushka feel about everything? Well, I think I could write a whole book about those few hours spent with Babushka. We arranged for her to be picked up because she didn’t want us to see where and how she lives. When she arrived, her head was pounding and she wasn’t feeling well. She hadn’t left her apartment in months. The orphanage nurse took her blood pressure, which was very high, and gave her something to help. Then Babushka looked at us and just started talking. She has had a hard life. She talked much of war times and her love for Germany. Her two sons live with her (or should I say they live off of her) and she told us almost immediately that she is sorry they are her sons. All they do is smoke and drink and live off of her very low, fixed income. She doesn’t know where or how they get the money for cigarettes and alcohol and I don’t think she wants to know. Babushka was full of class and she made us smile through teary eyes. Her dress was old and dirty and was pinned together with a safety pin. Her sweater was old and dirty and full of holes. If we thought for an instant that she would come home with us, we would bring her in a heartbeat. Jon and I both love Babushka and are concerned for her. Jon told her that she is now part of our family and we want to help her. We learned that Leanna does Babushka’s grocery shopping. We asked who did that for her when Leanna was here last summer. She said one of her sons would shop for her, “only if she gave him extra money to buy cigarettes." We asked our translator if there was any kind of service we could pay for to buy and deliver Babushka’s groceries. There is nothing like that in St. Pete. Babushka repeatedly told us to make sure Leanna writes and calls her…she will miss her so much. She repeatedly told us to make sure Leanna works hard…don’t let her be lazy. She repeatedly told Leanna to show us respect and not to argue with her new brothers and sister. :) I asked her what she wanted for Leanna’s future. She waved her hand and with a chuckle said, “She has her own plans.”

Babushka told us that next week would mark the 2 year anniversary of Leanna going to the orphanage. It was also written on Leanna’s calendar in her room. Tomorrow is the day. Two years ago tomorrow Leanna’s life changed forever. It is obviously a significant date for both of them. And for us, I suppose. It was a hard decision for Babushka to make. She told us that she made sure that Leanna was in the best orphanage possible. Which couldn’t have been easy for her. Babushka obviously loves Leanna very much…I hope I do right by her. I hope she is pleased with how we care for Leanna. At one point she told Jon and I that she believes God exists and shared a little bit about why she believes that. Jon told her that we too believe God exists and shared a little more. As soon as Jon said we believe in God, Babushka smiled and gave us a thumbs up. Oh, I hope I always remember that sweet image. I hope we get to see Babushka again. When it was time for her to go, Jon asked if we could hug her. Babushka said ‘yes’ and then said she was also going to kiss us goodbye…which she did! As she was leaving, she told us that although she can’t see very well (she could only see our outlines) she gets feelings about people. She feels that we are good people and that we will take good care of Leanna. I guess that was the equivalent of receiving her blessing.
Well, I suppose I will close for now. I write this partly so you can share in our experience and partly so that I will remember everything. There is so much to share about our trip so I will do it in parts over the next few days.

Butterflies and Dandelions

(I actually wrote this back in September...thought I'd add more to it, but never did. Must get on to other posts.)

Over the past few months, numerous people have told me I should write a book. My first thought is always, oh how I would LOVE to. Really, I would love to. But what in the world would I write about? I mean, isn't there already a book on every subject you can think of? Does the world really need one more book? Even if I put all my blog posts together, it wouldn't make a book. Not a good one anyway. Not one that makes any sense or that people would want to read.

Last night it hit me. You know what kind of book the world needs? The kind that talks about what adoption is REALLY like. It's not all romantic and dreamy, fancy and fairytale-like, butterflies and dandelions.

You know what it's like?

A roller coaster.

Up.

Down.

All around.

Sometimes it makes you sick to your stomach and you want to throw up.

Sometimes you do.

Other times you want to raise up both arms and shout, "WOOOOO HOOOOO!"

Sometimes you do.

Sometimes you cry in despair.

Other times they are tears of joy.

You never know what the day is going to bring when you wake up each morning.

Or if you'll sleep that night.

Most of the adoption books I've read are all about how to help Leanna when she gets home. She'll be dealing with a lot. I want to be equipped to help her. I want to be able to identify issues as they come up and understand the why's. I am her mom, afterall. I want to do what's best for her.

There are countless books on adoption out there claiming 'everything you need to know about adoption' and 'things you want to know before adopting.' Books like this are full of super and helpful information. I am not saying anything negative about these books. I have read or plan to read at least half of these books. They are necessary in the world of adoption.

You can go to any bookstore and find great books about adoption - domestic adoption, international adoption, adoption from foster care, single parent adoption, open adoption, closed adoption. There are books written for and by adoptees, adopters, birthmoms, infertile couples who choose adoption, mothers, fathers, children. There are books on making the decision to adopt, attachment, bonding, post-traumatic stress syndrome, the process of adopting, even post-adoption depression. There are books about adopting babies, toddlers, elementary age and older children.

Doesn't it seem like all the bases are covered when it comes to adoption?

While I used to agree, I don't anymore.

I recently had a conversation with someone who said something like, "Why don't they tell you about THIS in the adoption books?!"

The roller coaster.

The struggles.

The sleepness nights.

The exhaustion.

The doubts.

The worries.

THE RE-AL-I-TY.

And that's just during the adoption process. Once they're home, it's a whole new world. For some people, yes, it's everything they dreamed it would be. All sunny skies, happy tears of joy, peaceful music playing in the background, everything is wonderful. At least that's what they tell you. That's what they write on their blogs. I do believe though, that it's not that way for everyone. I know a few people who would agree with me. I think I just heard a wave of "Amens." Am I right?

There's an idea rolling around in my head...it seems better and better the more I think about it.

You know what kind of book the world needs? I can think of two.

First, we need an adoption devotional. The only ONE I found is written to adoptees. Wouldn't it be great if there was a devotional written TO people who are adopting BY people who have adopted? Written by people who have been there, done that and bought the T-shirt? Something to sort of carry you through the process? Something to let you know you're not alone in your thoughts? Sometimes our thoughts are confusing. Mine are anyway. Come on. I know I'm not the only one who is thinking these thoughts. I would love to have a collection of devotions written by people who have adopted. I've read many blogs of adoptive parents and found that God used different scriptures to minister to each family. Wouldn't you love to know which scriptures God used and how/why they ministered to each family in a particular way? Well, I would anyway.

Secondly, we need a book that tells it like it really is.

What adoption is LIKE, not like a manual as in first do this, then do that. We don't just need to know the to-do process...we need to know what to expect...from ourselves and from others. Tell us about the emotional roller coaster we will be on. The ups. The downs. Tell us this is normal, that we all go through it. That it's all part of the process and we will survive. Tell us how you got through it. Which scriptures ministered to you and why? What did you learn about yourself and God through the process? What did He teach you? Use what He taught you to teach us.

Not only that, but tell us what it's REALLY like when your child comes home. Tell us about the struggles, the reality of your new family life, so that when our child(ren) comes home and it's not what we thought it would be (or it's exactly what we thought it would be), we will be comforted knowing that others have gone before us and LIVED to tell about it. Tell us we will make it. Remind us it will get better. Tell us how it got better for you. Tell us about your victories and remind us there is HOPE when things are bad.

I guess that could all be included in the devotional...hmmm. My wheels are spinning. Maybe we really just need one book. An all-encompassing adoption devotional.

I would love to put together a collection of realities from all my friends who have adopted. A reality of the process and a reality of life when your child comes home. I would love for people to share something the other adoption books don't talk about. Something that took you by surprise...I wasn't expecting or prepared for many of my thoughts and reactions this past year. I've shared a few of those thoughts here. I'm working on another one now. I just don't know how to say it without being misunderstood.

Anyway, I believe God has planted this little seed in my brain for a reason. He actually just gave me the title of the book not two minutes ago. I'm just not sure about the timing of it all...Leanna is not even home yet. Do I really have any valuable wisdom to share with the adoption world? I guess I'm just putting some feelers out there to see what kind of response I get. Am I the only one who would benefit from a book like this? Would any of my friends involved with adoption be willing to write something for it? Is anyone willing to take off their mask and share their reality...those thoughts you never say out loud because "what would people think"? Or am I the only one with thoughts like that?

Hmmm...I think God is in this. Do you?