I've been working on another post for a long time. We've had many hard conversations and good breakthroughs with Vera the past few months. Sometimes it's just hard to know how much to share. How much is too much? What things, if any, are too personal? What incidents are too real for the real world? So, I'll sit on that post and keep working on it for awhile. It's already pretty long...I'll have to split it up so you'll actually read the whole thing. :)
Anyway, since Abbi blogged about the marbles last week, I thought I should give a bit more information. Just so you don't think we're terribly mean parents.
Vera asks questions.
All. Day. Long.
From the time she gets up until the time she goes to bed, she asks questions. Some questions are what I call 'normal' questions. What are we doing today? What's for dinner? Can I help you? Can I play on the computer? You know...normal questions. Other questions have obvious answers and don't really need to be asked. I can be folding clothes or washing dishes or reading a book and Vera will come ask me what I'm doing. Um...what AM I doing, Vera? She will smile sheepishly and tell me what I'm doing. She does this to the big kids too. When they come upstairs for whatever reason, Vera practically runs to them and bombards them with questions.
Here's a good example for you. Vera was fitted for a walker a few weeks ago. A very nice man came out to size her and figure out what she needs. These were Vera's rapid-fire questions for him.
Why you come here? What your name? Why dat your name? You have mommy? You live your mommy? Why you no live your mommy? What your job? Why? Dat (the walker) heavy? Why? Why it big? Where you live? Why you live der? You live big house? Your house far away? It cost lotsa money? Why? You have lotsa money? You have job? Why? What your job? Why you do dat? You have cat? What your cat's name? Can I see your cat? You have dog? What your dog's name? Can I see it? You have kids? Why? Your kids live with you? Why? You eat lunch? What you eat? Why? You have car? Why you have van? Why your van white? It cost lotsa money? You leave now? Why? Where you going? Why? etc. etc.
I finally rescued him and told Vera no more questions. As he was leaving, the very nice, patient walker man looked at me said, "She's a very interesting little girl." Indeed.
This is Vera. She asks her PT things like this during her hour each week. She asked her doctor at her check up a few weeks ago. Any unsuspecting adult or child becomes her newest victim. She asked the orthotist things like this when she was casted for her new AFO's. Except then, she had books in front of her. If she has a picture book, she asks questions about everything she sees. Dat horse? Why it big (or small)? Why it brown? Why it eat apples? Horse have mommy? Why? Horse bite me? Why? Horse eat me? Where horse live? Why? She will ask all of these questions and more about every single animal she sees. The first time she asks, it's not a big deal. I know she's learning. I get that. But the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 12th, 23rd time...it gets a little old. And frustrating. Because about 10 seconds after she asks a question, she asks the same question again. It's like Groundhog Day. Round and round we go. A few weeks ago, Vera's best little friend came over to play. Vera asked Ella questions all day long and Ella patiently answered them, while I enjoyed a nice break. As I drove Ella and her brother home that afternoon, Vera continued to assail Ella with questions. As we pulled into her driveway, Ella sighed and said, "Vera! You ask a LOT of questions!" Welcome to my world!
Enter the marbles. I was quickly losing my marbles, if you will, answering the same questions all day, every day and asked advice from one of my adoption support groups. We changed up one of the suggestions given and gave Vera a bag with 25 marbles. We told Vera that every time she asks a 'marble' question, she has to bring us a marble. Once her marbles are gone for the day, she may not ask more questions. A marble question is anything she asks more than once OR a question that we know she knows the answer to because it's obvious or because she's asked it 148 times already. We gave her 25 marbles for a few days and then gradually began taking them away. Our goal was to get down to 5 marbles a day before school started. It was noted by each therapist who evaluated her that Vera could not focus on anything else until her questions were answered. We have noticed it too. We want her to work on focusing and listening and paying attention. We want her to start thinking about what she's about to say before she blurts it out. On our 2nd or 3rd day of the marbles, Vera sat down next to me and asked me if she'll be able to ask questions at school. I told her she can ask SOME questions, but there will be 20 other kids in her class and she won't be sitting and asking her teacher questions all day long. I told her she will be LISTENING to her teacher and learning. She frowned. School should be interesting. At co-op there were several times that Vera would be sitting with her classmates listening to her teacher present the lesson and Vera would just get up and go start playing. She had no idea that she was supposed to be sitting and listening to her teacher.
The marbles are definitely helping. Vera is starting to stop herself as she's about to ask a question and realize she already knows the answer. Though a few days ago she got mad at me. She asked me if she could watch a movie and I told her 'not right now.' I told her that if and when she could watch a movie, I would tell her. Then she asked me 3 more times if she could watch a movie and lost that privilege for the day because she knew the answer. She learned though. We had the same conversation the other day and she did not ask me again. Progress.
